We are currently making improvements to the Audible site. In an effort to enhance the accessibility experience for our customers, we have created a page to more easily navigate the new experience, available at the web address www.audible.com/access .
The State of Affairs Audiobook

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

Regular Price:$28.51
  • Membership Details:
    • First book free with 30-day trial
    • $14.95/month thereafter for your choice of 1 new book each month
    • Cancel easily anytime
    • Exchange books you don't like
    • All selected books are yours to keep, even if you cancel
  • - or -

Publisher's Summary

Iconic couples' therapist and best-selling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a groundbreaking and provocative look at infidelity, arguing for a more nuanced and less judgmental conversation about our transgressions.

An affair: It can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so, too, the prohibition against it - in fact it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy.

So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo, universally forbidden yet universally practiced? For the past 10 years, master therapist Esther Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have been shattered by infidelity. In The State of Affairs she asks, why do we cheat? And why do happy people cheat? Why does infidelity hurt so much? And when we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Is an affair always the end of a marriage?

Affairs, she writes, have a lot to teach us about relationships. They provide unusual insight into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Betrayal hurts, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage - with the same person. With the right approach, Perel argues, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.

Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel writes, "Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart."

After listening to Esther read The State of Affairs, continue on as she opens the door to her office and invites you to listen in on actual couple sessions. These are unscripted conversations of real, anonymous couples grappling with infidelity from her Audible Original podcast Where Should We Begin Begin? (courtesy of Audible Originals, LLC). As you enter this raw, intimate space with Esther, we hope you find the vocabulary for the conversations you may wish to have.

©2017 Esther Perel (P)2017 HarperCollins Publishers

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.8 (72 )
5 star
 (63)
4 star
 (8)
3 star
 (0)
2 star
 (0)
1 star
 (1)
Overall
4.8 (65 )
5 star
 (54)
4 star
 (9)
3 star
 (1)
2 star
 (0)
1 star
 (1)
Story
4.8 (64 )
5 star
 (57)
4 star
 (4)
3 star
 (1)
2 star
 (2)
1 star
 (0)
Performance
Sort by:
  •  
    Apozema 10-21-17
    Apozema 10-21-17 Member Since 2017
    HELPFUL VOTES
    2
    RATINGS
    REVIEWS
    28
    8
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Even better than where do we begin"

    Esther is very wise and balanced. She takes us through all stages and styles of infidelity with carefully crafted prose, illustrative quotes and many many examples of different situations through this I think she will help anyone affected by infidelity to have a better understanding and knowledge to navigate their own situations, whatever they may be.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Charles H. Lo IL 10-21-17
    Charles H. Lo IL 10-21-17 Member Since 2008
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
    RATINGS
    REVIEWS
    2
    1
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Refreshing look at an old problem"

    I think that this book is an honest examination of problems typical in any marriage/ long term relationship. Various scenarios and types of betrayal of ones partner are examined fo help one understand the factors that contribute to the betrayal. It offers hope that the problems can be identified and understood,bringing some comfort to both parties in the relationship.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Anonymous 10-21-17
    10-21-17 Member Since 2017
    RATINGS
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Enlightening"

    Brilliant, enlightening and very kind book. So helpful in many aspects. I woul highly recommend it, if you feel lost half way through life.
    -- Admirer

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Thuvishan 10-19-17
    Thuvishan 10-19-17 Member Since 2016
    RATINGS
    REVIEWS
    17
    8
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Absolutely Amazing!"

    Well worth the listen even if you've never dealt with infidelity in your life. Such a huge eye opener

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer 10-16-17
    RATINGS
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Interesting"

    This was very informative and really made me look at relationships in a new light.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Anonymous 10-16-17
    10-16-17 Member Since 2017
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
    RATINGS
    REVIEWS
    1
    1
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "A compassionate approach"

    The timing of this book was perfect for me. I am going through my own story of infidelity and this book has helped me put the issues and problems that led to my partners infedelities in perspective and into a clearer context. Ester's compassionate and non-judgemental approach to infidelity helped me come to terms with the hurt my partner caused me but also my role in the crisis. I started this book thinking that I would find strategies and ways to bring the relationship together again but in fact what Esther has done for me is help show me that the relationship is over and can't be repaired. But, more importantly, she has helped me see that there can be a happy life after infidelity and it is up to me to find a way to take the sadness out of my life and move on to a happier future.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    mary 10-15-17
    mary 10-15-17
    RATINGS
    REVIEWS
    5
    2
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Review"

    Deeply deeply profound and compassionate . May I utilize these info to my benefit and others

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    T. Mazerolle St. Paul, Alberta 10-15-17
    T. Mazerolle St. Paul, Alberta 10-15-17 Member Since 2016
    HELPFUL VOTES
    4
    RATINGS
    REVIEWS
    13
    4
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "This should be required reading for every relationship"

    There is something that is both scandalous, intriguing and upsetting about infidelity.

    The question I get from this book is that infidelity depends on what a relationship is. I don’t think that many relationships really consider what the nature of their commitment and their boundaries really are.

    An open mind is required when listening to this book, and a little patience given the author’s accent.

    2 of 2 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jennifer C. Red Bank, NJ 10-10-17
    Jennifer C. Red Bank, NJ 10-10-17 Member Since 2015
    HELPFUL VOTES
    22
    RATINGS
    REVIEWS
    2
    1
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "A compelling and novel look at infidelity"

    The State of Affairs is an insightful, layered, thought-provoking, thorough and original piece of work, and Esther Perel is pleasure to listen to. The author provides a compelling and novel exploration in an area that rarely gets an unbiased look. It takes courage to offer new perspectives on topics as contentious as infidelity, and where deeply entrenched absolutes exist. Perel's erudite, empathetic, steadying voice manages to pierce the veil of the collective unconscious and invite deeper consideration and intelligent discourse. This book, agree with the conclusions or not, will permanently broaden the landscape and our thinking around infidelity in a way that only Esther Perel can.

    22 of 27 people found this review helpful

Report Inappropriate Content

If you find this review inappropriate and think it should be removed from our site, let us know. This report will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.

Cancel

Thank you.

Your report has been received. It will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.