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Publisher's Summary

A world-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of people caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair rocks their emotional lives. Now, in When Good People Have Affairs, Kirshenbaum puts her unsurpassed experience into one clear, calming place. She leads listeners through six easy-to-navigate steps that will take anyone from anxiety to clarity, and identifies 17 types of affairs, helping listeners figure out which type they're in and what it means. (Is it a "see-if" affair? Ejector-seat affair? Distraction affair? Unmet-needs affair? Panic affair?) Kirshenbaum encourages honest answers to such questions as:

  • What am I missing in my marriage?
  • How do I decide between two people when it's like comparing an apple to an orange?
  • How do I decide to end my marriage, end my affair, or end them both?

When Good People Have Affairs will be a lifeline to any man or woman who feels caught between two lovers, and its insights are indispensable to anyone else touched by an affair.

©2008 Mira Kirshenbaum (P)2017 Tantor

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What listeners say about When Good People Have Affairs

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Digs Deep

While I don’t agree with every concept the author says, she presents truths that I didn’t get from many therapists and sources. I was amazed at the depth of knowledge that is so well expressed. Also, there is an implied autonomy for the reader, which is essential for a person’s growth. The author is not prescriptive.

4 people found this helpful

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must read!

both perspective sides are defended and not just a one sided blaming kind of book which makes it amazing.

3 people found this helpful

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How to Decide btwn your spouse and affair partner

I am a Marriage Family Therapist who specializes in helping marriages recover after affairs. I *highly* recommend this book to individuals who are struggling with the decision on whether or not to leave their spouse for their affair partner.

If you are deciding whether to leave your spouse for your affair partner this book is a MUST READ. Download it RIGHT NOW and prioritize reading it. The book sets out specific criteria for this important decision. If you follow the steps I believe that you will have resolution whether or not you should stay or go.

The title is a bit misleading. If you are the Betrayed Spouse this book will probably upset you because it explains how difficult it is for your spouse to chose you. If you are searching why your spouse cheated on you----find another book.

My one criticism is that it doesn't go into the long term damage that leaving your spouse for the person you cheated on will effect your children. It is not smooth sailing. Just because you are finally happy doesn't mean that your kids will be. It will be viewed that new partner "broke up the family" no matter how broken the marriage was before.

7 people found this helpful

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Helpful

I found this book helpful. Whether you’re in an affair or have thoughts of being in an affair, this book provides perspective for the person committing the affair. I would recommend.

2 people found this helpful

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Action-oriented Book

This is the best relationship book that I've read, hands-down. Useful for explaining so much more than just the basics of affairs. If you want non-judgmental, sound analysis of behaviors and what next steps to take, listen/read this book. Quality, worth every penny!

5 people found this helpful

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Amazingly good

The title may throw you off at first but I advise you keep on listening. I look at infidelity very much differently now.

1 person found this helpful

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  • 03-01-21

waste of time

If you want to save your marriage after an affair...this is not the book for you. Telling people to just lie to the spouse they betrayed is cruel and lacking in any moral backbone. They almost always find out...so truth is imperative.

Leave this one in the queue.

1 person found this helpful

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This book condones affairs

The writer says her husband had an emotional affair that lasted a very short time and then returned to her. The book goes on about what makes someone happy you can't live life on happiness per it is a fleeting emotion you can be happy one minute sad the next and happy again. It does not touch on the mind of a limerent who has dopamine levels so high in the brain it equates to being high on cocaine. During that limerent point there is no rationality at all. All relationships have problems and many times during an affair the Wayward Spouse will vilify the Betrayed to justify the actions of an Affair. Many times people return to their spouse and the Affair Partner is in utter shock per they were under the impression the spouse was terrible where in many cases that is not the truth. I don't recommend this if you are trying to save your marriage from an affair.

10 people found this helpful

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Defends the perpetrator of the affair

defends the perpetrator of the affair and says they were just doing what they felt was best for everyone. Also says that they shouldn't tell the person they are betraying. This book is rubbish.

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Valid point

I couldn't get with some of the points that she was saying especially when I interpreted a message to the cheater that you have a valid point for your affair. But, other points were made that I can get behind.