Mating in Captivity

Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
Narrated by: Esther Perel
Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
5 out of 5 stars (270 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

When you love someone, how does it feel? And when you desire someone, how is it different? In Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel looks at the story of sex in committed couples.

Modern romance promises it all - a lifetime of togetherness, intimacy and erotic desire. In reality, it's hard to want what you already have. Our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. And often, the very thing that got us to into our relationships - lust - is the one thing that goes missing from them.

Determined to reconcile the erotic and the domestic, Perel explains why democracy is a passion killer in the bedroom; argues for playfulness, distance and uncertainty; and shows what it takes to bring lust home.

Smart, sexy and explosively original, Mating in Captivity is the monogamist's essential bedtime listen.

©2006 Esther Perel (P)2006 HarperCollins Publishers

Critic Reviews

" Mating in Captivity...articulates a poignant and unacknowledged modern crisis for the first time." ( The Evening Standard)

What members say

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Esther Perel is a trailblazer

Mating in captivity helped me reimagine many ideas about my relationship. It is both liberating and comforting to know that there are more ways to feel, think and express our love and desire. It’s eloquently written and perfectly presented.
Life changing!

4 people found this helpful

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A treasure for understanding relationships!

This book is a wonderful treasure to understand and live relationships in the modern world

4 people found this helpful

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Loved it!

Educational, mindopening, comprehensive and smart with real life experiences and a very pleasant and warm voice. Search for Esther Perel's podcasts as well.

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Every human needs to hear this book!

Probably the most insightful and fascinating book on the struggles of maintaining a happy, healthy, and passionate relationship in today's world. I'm telling everyone to listen because it really helps to put current/past/future relationships into perspective no matter where you are in your life. Listening to Esther's articulate explainations were highlighted by her beautiful accent, too. I cannot wait to learn more from her and I wish to meet her in person. Remarkable woman. Kol hakavod! Bravo!

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A mind changer!

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

I would recommend this book to anyone wanting to, or brave enough to start looking at relationships in a different way.This book will serve the interest of anyone feeling oddly empty in certain parts of their relationship and wanting to fill those gaps with answers which will surprise even the most liberal thinkers among us.

It is a refreshing take on age old arguments and honestly left me with opinions about love, relationships and sex, which were very different to when I started reading this book.I will forever be thankful for the enlightenment and look forward to carrying these lessons with me into the future.

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The content was vivid and interesting

I loved everything about this book you will definitely enjoy it. Professor Perel was great

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eye opening. divine!

Ester is so charismatic. every sentence in the book is meaningful. i also enjoyed her beautiful vocabulary and accent. this is one of the best books i have ever had.
now i understand why my marriage with the most loving man failed. we did not know what caused the misory. now it is clear to me that i was erotically illiterate.
i believe that the book must be added to the school curriculum. erotic intelligence is paramount and essential component of a healthy relationship with self and others.

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Insightful and a life changing must read book<br />

We spent many wonderful hours as a couple listening to this audio book. It opens the brains to listen through its scientific approach to erotic intelligence through looking at marriage and relationship with different eyes. The authors research, experience and ability to explain made both of us go through many aha moments. We truly feel this book has added enormous value to our relationship and we will revisit it again and again. It is a must read.

There is NO school for relationships, intimacy and eroticism. This book is at its core giving you the keys to unlock an incredibly important knowledge about these worlds.

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Excellent book about unlocking Erotic Intelligence

I loved the different examples that the author brings! What an amazingly narrated audiobook, I have learned so much from it and it provides such a great perspective on how to re ignite desire especially in couples that have been together for a while! Enjoy

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Brilliant!!!!

Absolutely loved it. Fabulous narrator. Simply phenomenal. Informative, witty, amazing, totally recommended. A must read

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  • Phoebus Weebus
  • 05-30-18

Warning: this book might change your life.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book as it was thought provoking and full of knowledge gained Esther's years of experience, listening to and helping couples. I found this book very challenging and advise listening with your partner rather than trying to relay the information - you might have a lot you might want to talk about! A great book.

5 people found this helpful

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  • JedHoll
  • 11-10-18

Loved it

Every now and then you strike gold and read a book that totally challenges the way you look at something with original thoughts. This is undeniably such a book and to listen to it is to become a fan of the author for life.

3 people found this helpful

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  • tamara
  • 09-13-19

Erotic or intellectual?

Ester Perel is suberb, but often the case studies become intellectula data to calculate. In a busy and demanding world where we crave intimacy, I would love to have seen some more prompts or exercises or challenges to work through as homework for the reader in their current relationship dynamic. Her podcast 'Where should we begin' is a more vivid experience of her work.

2 people found this helpful

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  • digi-mech
  • 10-16-18

insightful, poignant

A superb collection of thoughts, anecdotes and perceptions, challenging the norms of societies the world over but specifically our modern take on relationships, Esther Perel achieves a succinct, often times disturbing, frequently compassionate, in depth discussion of relationships in a changing world. dont assume its a self help book, but instead realise its insights could be seriously beneficial for all.

The only reason I didn't give the performance a 5 was because I sometimes got stuck on her accent, but really its a small point and more about me than the reader I guess

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  • J. ELARIO
  • 12-04-17

some great food for thought (and practice)

how refreshing to hear a narration by a human rather than the go-to male "broadcasting" voices of many authors. It took a bit to get used to it, but once you pass that hurdle the book becomes a lot more personal and you appreciate the author's mission more. She relates many situations she's had to overcome with her therapy clients and I think it's safe to say that there should be something in this book that every couple can relate to and learn from
higly recommended.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Emma S. Quinton
  • 08-24-19

Fascinating book

I loved this. The author’s voice was lovely to listen to and the content eye opening. It has really made me think about my own relationship and how to keep the dynamic fresh and interesting.
Highly recommended.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 08-21-19

A must have for psychology students!!!!

I love Esther. So great I feel like I am getting to shadow a therapy session which is so hard to get a chamce to do. Thank you Esther you should be the Sigmund Freud of relationship psychology. Keep going we need you.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Rahel
  • 03-01-19

Excellent read

An older book but still very relevant. I learned a lot about the push and pull of relationships, especially around how to keep the romance alive.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Santa Baneviciute
  • 02-08-19

Expanded view of the sexuality

Revolutionary book that will change how you see your partner. Holistic view of the sexuality.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 10-09-18

I love every story!

I have stumbled upon Esther on YouTube and since then I've been glued to her stories and interviews. I have understood myself more how I feel inside and that I am not alone in this world feeling the same thing a lot of couples around the world are struggling to experience. A highly recommended audio book especially for very busy people who need both thier hands free while doing other things and read books at the same time. Can't wait to listen to her next book The State of Affairs! Thank you Madam Esther for writing this book and sharing your expertise to the world. Much love and respect to you. ❤❤❤

1 person found this helpful

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  • Duncan
  • 03-19-18

a mature perspective on love

simple: read (listen) to this book. the earlier in life, the better. you won't regret it

5 people found this helpful

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  • Karina
  • 03-13-18

smart and on point

so 2018 and on point. i love hearing the relative interviews. grounbreaking. very well written

3 people found this helpful

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  • Stacey Bout
  • 03-04-18

Essential for all couples

Esther is a gem in the relationship field! This book should be read by anyone who wants to understand themselves, relationships, infidelity and more in order to have a more fulfilling relationship.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 12-19-18

Life changing

Life changing thank you. Making so much easier to understand how we work and how powerful separation is in a marriage.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 05-22-18

fabulous

Loved it other than the recommendation to flirt with other than your husband. Dangerous territory.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 02-12-20

Absolutely phenomenal

An incredible book by an incredible human who explains with such eloquence the complexity of human relationships. Loved every moment.

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  • Hugh Stehlik
  • 01-16-20

Highly recommend

Very insightful, interesting and nonjudgmental exploration of the pitfalls of maintaining an exciting sex life within a long term relationship and strategies for how this can be overcome.

I got a lot out of the book and I’m sure I’ll be dipping back in the future. Highly recommend.

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  • Mrs. F. Smith
  • 11-27-19

Loved It

I got so much out of this audiobook to apply in my life and my personal relationships. A quality read

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  • Melissa Taylor
  • 08-23-19

I couldn’t put this one down

Intelligent and utterly fascinating book. Engaging performance by the author. Enjoyed the cross section of examples and particularly enjoyed the parts about both raising children and how your childhood shapes your sexuality. I was able to reconcile with a number of personal challenges over the course of the title. I will be listening to this again and sharing it with others. A very important book that I think everyone including therapists would benefit from listening to!

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  • Anonymous User
  • 06-05-19

Fun to listen to, with a wealth of information

This book is filled with gems. It will unsettle your assumptions, and your patterns in relation to eroticism and sex in the context of a relationship. It will add something positive, but it will do so gently. whatever it adds will be completely of your choosing