Come As You Are: Revised and Updated

The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

De: Emily Nagoski Ph.D. Ph.D., Nicholas Boulton

Narrado por: Emily Nagoski Ph.D. Ph.D.

A revised and updated edition of Emily Nagoski’s game-changing New York Times bestseller Come As You Are, featuring new information and research on mindfulness, desire, and pleasure that will radically transform your sex life.

For much of the 20th and 21st centuries, women’s sexuality was an uncharted territory in science, studied far less frequently—and far less seriously—than its male counterpart.

That is, until Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which used groundbreaking science and research to prove that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized but how you feel about them. In the years since the book’s initial publication, countless women have learned through Nagoski’s accessible and informative guide that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it—and that even if you don’t always feel like it, you are already sexually whole by just being yourself. This revised and updated edition continues that mission with new information and advanced research, demystifying and decoding the science of sex so that everyone can create a better sex life and discover more pleasure than you ever thought possible.

This changes everything!

This book changed my entire view of sexuality (both male and female) over a weekend! Couldn’t put it down.

A journey

An important, emotional book. I will be buying this book in print to read again and take notes. I’ve already recommended it to at least 5 people, both men and women.

Not life changing but helpful

This book has not transformed my sex life but I felt mostly that it wasn’t really geared towards women like me (older millennial without a lifetime of shame and dissatisfaction surrounding sex). I would have appreciated more “advanced” material such as a psychological analysis of how sexual fetishes and fantasies develop (in humans, not in rats), a discussion of long term monogamy and affairs (which I read somewhere else that 70% of married people have), more discussion of sex hormones and the things that affect them, etc. I did learn about responsive desire and that was helpful in understanding my spouse better.
Personal pet peeves: I found the use of the term “feels” instead of feelings throughout the book to be especially aggravating; this is supposed to be a serious topic that the author is treating in a serious and straightforward manner, so why infantilize the reader in this way? Also unfortunately the music was exceptionally distracting and wavery, sounding very distorted and not professionally produced. It detracted from the listening experience. I did enjoy the author’s voice however and appreciated her genuine desire to help the women listening to this book.
A few points I didn’t like: why recommend vibrators across the board without acknowledging how the numbness they can cause (extremely quickly in my experience!) can completely prevent a woman from having an orgasm? And OH MY GOODNESS, how can there be no discussion of hormonal contraception and the havoc it wreaks on a woman’s libido and desire? I feel like more than half my adult life (while on the pill for 7 years and then pregnant or breastfeeding for 9 years) completely changed my libido/desire and the things that go along with this (such as masturbation frequency, sexual satisfaction, and vaginal lubrication). It was only at the age of 35 when I was done with all this and instead using the Fertility Awareness Method that I began to feel like a pre-birth-control teenager again! Every cycle not on hormonal contraception gives a woman 2 weeks of increased energy, higher sex drive, heightened sensitivity, and luxurious and natural vaginal lubrication. How truly amazing! How can this not even be touched on?
At the end the author began to discuss solutions for sexual dysfunction but did not mention pelvic floor physical therapists or how helpful they are for pain, incontinence, etc. I realize this is a fairly new field but not for a professional working in sexual wellness. It should be discussed.
The author seems so intent on normalizing each woman’s experience that she is hesitant to recommend some things that might actually be helpful and needed. For example, inositol for PCOS (and its accompanying low sex drive). Or thyroid issues or other hormonal imbalances that might need to be addressed. It is okay in my opinion to find biological solutions like treatment or supplements that can be transformative for overall health since that is the foundation for sexual wellness.
Of course it is unfair to expect that this book contain everything :) so I should end by saying that this topic is one of particular interest to me and therefore this review is skewed. I feel uncomfortable writing anything negative about a book that will likely help many many women, but these are my views nevertheless and will perhaps be helpful to someone.

Worth the read

Excellent information. Yea, some of it may seem like “common sense” but maybe you haven’t actually thought of it until you read this book. I learned a lot and feel like I’m now able to clearly articulate what I probably already knew to be true but couldn’t clearly verbalize. Will be reading her blog as well and encouraging my husband to read the book.

a must read for vulva owners and their partners.

I picked up this book hoping to learn more about my wife's sexuality. I ended up learning as much if not more about my own.

The way Dr. Nagoski explains how societal notions effect sexuality is especially poignant.

I'm considering buying a physical copy to keep for my daughter when she is old enough to start learning about sex and sexual health.