Say What You Mean

A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication

By: Oren Jay Sofer, Joseph Goldstein

Narrated by: Oren Jay Sofer, Mark Bramhall

Length: 11 hrs

Publisher's summary

Find your voice, speak your truth, listen deeply - a guide to more meaningful and mindful conversations.

We spend so much of our lives talking to each other, but how much are we simply running on automatic - relying on old habits and hoping for the best? Are we able to truly hear others and speak our mind in a clear and kind way, without needing to get defensive or go on the attack?

In this groundbreaking synthesis of mindfulness, somatics, and nonviolent communication, Oren Jay Sofer offers simple yet powerful practices to develop healthy, effective, and satisfying ways of communicating.

The techniques in Say What You Mean will help you to:

• Feel confident during conversation
• Stay focused on what really matters in an interaction
• Listen for the authentic concerns behind what others say
• Reduce anxiety before and during difficult conversations
• Find nourishment in day-to-day interactions

©2018 Oren Jay Sofer (P)2019 Random House Audio

Life-changing

I will definitely be listening again. I was listening to 3 books at a time and this one really hit home and felt very human. The Narrator has a friendly, natural tone that makes it easy to absorb the information. Say What You Mean has helped me reevaluate the way I communicate at work and at home and discover new ways to improve my relationships.

Great strategies

Great strategies for working toward more effective communication. I like the connection with mindfulness. Thank you!

I wish this were required reading...

and I wish I had a different title, although I don’t know what it would be. It’s soooo much more that just a system for communicating with purpose. It’s about knowing yourself, your needs, and how they tangle into you psyche and speech. If you are into meditation, check out Oren’s guideds, you will be glad you did.

Thought provoking

We can always improve on communication. This book has great tips and reminders. I will use many of these tips in my own personal and work life.

Challenging - but worth it.

I think this book is the type of title you need to find at the right time. If you are a person who feels like you have always been sensitive - then you repressed your emotions to avoid conflict - and now you are feeling stable and ready to re-integrate emotions back into the way you socialize and/or just want to interact with people and build relationships in a more meaningful way - then this book is hugely powerful.

I don’t understand the reviews saying the material is dry or elementary - I think these are concepts that very few people actually are capable of putting into practice. It requires coming to terms with some of your own BS first - and you need to be interested in socializing for the sake of bettering the lives of people around you. If you haven’t found a path that meets your needs and you aren’t ready to try to keep that feeling and take another step towards learning to show up and be there for other people now - then none of this content will be useful for you!

I found the material meaningful and relevant to me, but it is challenging work. I could not drink this book down in one sitting - it’s actually kind of a lot! But I have enjoyed taking the actionable advice.

Favorite book

One of my favorite books. A book to return to again and again about mindful non violent communication. A calm and nice narrator voice to listen to.

Life Changing!

I took Oren's online course for this book and it was life changing. Oren has a true genuine quality in his wiliness to be venerable in his communications with others, sharing from his own life's experiences and his heart. His techniques teach us to be present for ourselves and the other person and at the same time how get the needs of being heard and valued met in both. He helps us achieve this through sensory meditations of learning how to be pause and be present, using reflection, and buddy practice to slowly change old communication habits that no longer serve us or others well. Oren's website has recordings that accompany this book. His site has informational blogs and you can sign up for his email offerings to enhance your journey as your travel through the pages his book. The books audio was also recorded by Oren himself offering us more opportunities to learn the importance of when and where to pause, for how long and allowing us to hear how this emphasizes compassionate listening. The work of Marshall Rosenberg and Thich Nhat Hanh on non-violent communication, learning to be in the present moment, loving kindness, and deep listening, have both influenced Oren's life in bringing us to the next natural step of world peace. This is a book you do not want to miss.

Helpful for breaking generational patterns

I really appreciated this book. I inherited a rather manipulative approach to communication and started noticing that although i sought out solutions, I would not be able to reach them using my communication style. I was very much a storm-out type person, and struggled with conveying that I was listening without coming off as checked out, or rude. This book helped me realize that I am a product of my early environment, and my parents a product of theirs, but I have the power to change the way we converse, and help it lead to more solutions than arguments and miscommunications.

Also, the bells were a very nice addition. I have adhd, so it helped me return to center and actively listen.
Thank you!!! :D

Saved Me From A Tailspin

Thank you Oren Jay Sofer! I had a personal relationship crisis, and was falling into old patterns of ego driven thinking, and fear based thinking. Your book provided me a pathway to communicate from my heart, stating what I need and to get curious about what the other person needed. I felt so much better once I stopped blaming myself and the other party... instead, invited a collaboration of ideas to move toward a harmonious solution. The material is accessible, and you place yourself in the trenches with us, that you also, from time to time, need to be mindful, take pause, and think before reacting. I highly recommend this book!

Life changing.

On the first listen it’s clear that this book speaks to all of us, and to many of our needs for connection, compassion and empathy. Our natural longing for investment in our own growth and understanding is met consistently with each subsequent listen after the first. There is a visceral peace that is delivered through these words. A warm and calming hug for the neuroticisms we’ve developed over years of unhealthy relationships and self-defensive strategies. It’s ok that you’re a social buffoon who has sabotaged every engagement with triggered reactions and self-righteous claims of dominance over those who have been doing the exact same thing. The pain of the past doesn’t define you, but rather gives you the appropriate context for learning what comes next. Freedom, acceptance, understanding, and ownership of all the things that make you who you are, can be celebrated with a minor adjustment to your perspective. Relax and take your time with this... listen to it again and again... meditate on the value of clear and open communication through empathy for yourself and others.

For years, I’ve been searching for this path with out knowing it. If you’ve tried it all but aren’t ready to give up yet, this could be the book that sets you on a steady, upward trajectory and pacifies your cravings and demands.

We’ve all got needs. One of them is this course on healthy, non-coercive, authentic connection. Do yourself and those around you a favor and start growing today.