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Publisher's Summary

For the past 35 years, John Gottman’s research has been internationally recognized for its unprecedented ability to precisely measure interactive processes in couples and to predict the long-term success or failure of relationships. In this groundbreaking book, he presents a new approach to understanding and changing couples: a fundamental social skill called “emotional attunement,” which describes a couple’s ability to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, ultimately creating a stronger relationship.

Gottman draws from this longitudinal research and theory to show how emotional attunement can downregulate negative affect, help couples focus on positive traits and memories, and even help prevent domestic violence. He offers a detailed intervention devised to cultivate attunement, thereby helping couples connect, respect each other, and show affection. Emotional attunement is extended to tackle the subjects of flooding, the story we tell ourselves about our relationship, conflict, personality, changing relationships, and gender. Gottman also explains how to create emotional attunement when it is missing, to lay a foundation that will carry the relationship through difficult times.

Gottman encourages couples to cultivate attunement through awareness, tolerance, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy. These qualities, he argues, inspire confidence in couples, and the sense that despite the inevitable struggles, the relationship is enduring and resilient.

This book, an essential follow-up to his 1999 The Marriage Clinic, offers therapists, students, and researchers a detailed intervention for working with couples, and offers couples a roadmap to a stronger future together.

©2012 John M. Gottman (P)2012 Brilliance Audio, Inc.

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

Overall

  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Technical version of his other book

I rate this book high because I appreciate hearing the research methods behind the research. However, if you're not wanting to understand the methods that in depth I suggest Gottman's book What Makes Love Last. If you can appreciate the mathematics read this before that book. You'll better understand the research he refers to in that book.

15 of 15 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Every married man should read this book.

This book and the 7 principles book have been vital tools in my efforts to save my marriage from my emotional distance and neglect. I recommend it to all men and women who want a committed relationship, period.

15 of 16 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
  • Garry
  • United States
  • 10-08-15

Very detailed and thorough, but not an easy listen

While the information included was very detailed and thorough, it was a difficult book to listen to because it was very academic and scientific in nature. There was some application, but it got lost amongst the definitions and figures. As long as you go in with the right expectations, you'll be OK, but if, like me, you were expecting more of a how-to in easy to understand layman's terms, you're better off looking elsewhere.

6 of 7 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Like having tables of data read out loud?

What would have made The Science of Trust better?

It would have helped significantly if the narrator had at least ATTEMPTED to differentiate the voices when reading transcripts of conversations between husbands and wives. Instead, he just keeps reading in his regular voice which is confusing AND annoying. The poor editing job of the written text did not help matters at ALL. This information would have been better presented if it was more concisely presented. It could be cut by at least 25%.

What do you think your next listen will be?

I may avoid Gottman's work in audio format after this... I admire his work as an academic, and wanted to learn more after he was mentioned in Gladwell's books, but clearly I need to be able to visually scan through to get to useful bits.

What didn’t you like about J. Charles’s performance?

I didn't LIKE anything about J. Charles's performance. Lacking in differentiation between "speakers", and my text-to-speech software on my Android has about as much inflection.

What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

Disappointment in how crappy an editing job was done. Paragraphs are repeated in several places and the flow of the text is bad. Where the heck were the copy editors in this???

Any additional comments?

Gottman is doing important work into human relationships. Please don't let the poor quality of this specific publication keep you from looking into what he's been doing.

21 of 27 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

His best work

I've read most of Gottmans books and love him but when I started reading this one I thought it was so boring. It started slow and went deep into game theory. Half way through though it became my favorite book by him with detailed descriptions of his research and finding and in my option his best published work. This book was so helpful!

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars

Good insight

The linking of science and research to issues of trust and marriage adds legitimacy. This book is more like a college textbook.

My only complaint is the use of multiple variables with similar terminology got confusing, especially because there was no easy way to recheck meanings. Unlike a textbook, there was no easy way to find definitions or to use a chart/graph to help you follow along.

5 of 6 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Great application of math theory to marriage.

Would you listen to The Science of Trust again? Why?

Probably not again because it is 16 hours long.

What was one of the most memorable moments of The Science of Trust?

The Zeigarnik Effect. Understanding this alone may save your marriage.

Which character – as performed by J. Charles – was your favorite?

N/A

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

No...to long.

Any additional comments?

While this book was written for practitioners, I found it great and a lay person.

4 of 5 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Good book, a lot of math, stats so be prepared.

great book on the science of marriage relationships. Much of it reads like a textbook, so I had to fast forward quite a bit to get to the key take away points. Overall still a great book and I will listen to it again

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
  • Tony Earl
  • Seattle, WA United States
  • 01-11-15

The First Solid Foundation for Couple's Therapy

In various classes in theory and practice of the many subtypes of therapy, couple's therapy made me throw my hands up in frustration. Every professor had their own techniques and usually vague or unstated foundations that looked to me more like choices of assumptions than a theory. This grew sharp when every professor in this type of therapy taught things contradictory with the others. Their results were dismal, with rational explanations for why.

Then I read Gottman's 'The Science of Trust' plus listened to this audiobook multiple times each and from the first reading, my view of couple's therapy changed. He has developed an extensively tested model of couple dynamics that apply across age groups, straight/gay, cultural and 40 years of data collection. It works; it makes clear predictions which so far have stood the test of time. It is nothing short of amazing. What to know why your relationship is having problems? What to know how to make it better? Read this book.

If you have a stronger math background, you can follow this with his, Mathematics of Marriage, obviously only in print and maybe e-book from Amazon.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars

Difficult listen, and I could not attend

The information that I heard was good, but I could not stay on task. Nothing kept me coming back to listen. Perhaps it is more clinical than I was prepared for.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Mr
  • 12-16-14

This book save my relationship at the time

Amazing book I can't recommend it enough. If I had to pay triple or quadruple for this book I would have considering what it taught me in hindsight. This review is written a solid 3 years after I read it. This will help non romantic relationships just as much.

5 of 5 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • G. Pretorius
  • 12-23-12

Excellent Information for Couples

As practising couple therapist in the UK, who trained in Dr Gottman's work I can recommend this book. It contains excellent update on the research the Gottman's have done over the past few decades. And it works in practice. This book provides an introduction and update on their work.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
  • Lucy P
  • 08-11-18

Great, useful points, but v. long winded

The points and examples in this book are so useful for anyone in a loving relationship that they want to maintain. However, so many side discussions come in (mathematical game theory etc) and are explored in so much detail that the most useful points end up coming along quite a time apart, and in between, there’s lots of mildly interesting statistics, theories and papers of fellow relationship counsellors, and related mathematical relevant ideas, sometimes looking at how countries would have behaved rather than couples.
Overall good and worth getting though, but boy is it long winded!

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars
  • david davidson
  • 08-21-17

Pompous style and minimal practical value

The book summarises Gottman's studies but yields little practical value. “Insights" such as 'betrayal by one partner damages the relationship' are unlikely to prove revolutionary and the summary of Gottman's studies will only be of interest to scientists.

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
  • Ms
  • 09-05-14

Keep calm and read on

Would you try another book written by John M. Gottman or narrated by J. Charles?

Yes

What did you like best about this story?

Among the tons of (rather irrelevant) reviews of past research and mathematical equations, hide a few nuggests of wisdom and insight that I found really valuable.

What do you think the narrator could have done better?

Not try to play roles in a pretend voice

Could you see The Science of Trust being made into a movie or a TV series? Who would the stars be?

?

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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • Charles
  • 12-23-15

Outstanding

What did you like most about The Science of Trust?

The research and validation studies behind the subject.

How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?

The technical detail was a little difficult to follow in places, not being a scientist, researcher or mathematician myself. Also not having the benefit of seeing a visual representation of models etc made it hard to conceptualise.
If audible had chapter titles rather than numbers, that would be helpful to find subject content later.

What three words best describe J. Charles’s voice?

very American, though hard to get used to at first seemed to get easier

Did you have an emotional reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

Cant remember laughing or crying but found it very absorbing and had a lot of connections with personal situations around trust and mistrust and what that creates

Any additional comments?

Audible seriously need to look at naming Chapters in books in line with what the authors have written. simply giving them numbers is very frustrating for those of us who want to find certain passages for study. If I stop using Audio.com it will be for this reason!!!!!!

3 of 3 people found this review helpful