You're Not Listening

What You're Missing and Why It Matters

By: Kate Murphy

Narrated by: Kate Murphy

Length: 6 hrs and 31 mins

Publisher's summary

"How well we listen determines how we love, learn, and connect with one another, and in this moment when we need to hear and be heard more than ever, this thought-provoking and engaging book shows us how.” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times best-selling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone)

At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation.

On social media, we shape our personal narratives.

At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians.

We’re not listening.

And no one is listening to us.

Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it’s making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here.

In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we’re not listening, what it’s doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice, You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion. It’s time to stop talking and start listening.

©2019 Kate Murphy (P)2019 Macmillan Audio

A book sorely needed in today's frenetic life

At work, my employees let me know that I was not a great listener. As a result, I searched for and found this audiobook. I loved listening to it and it has been a catalyst for change for me. Not only have I improved at work, but I have also improved at home with my wife and kids. If I change just a fraction of what this book talks about, I will have a considered my experience a success. Thanks for writing such an important book that is so badly needed in today's society.

Calming your own voice to listen

If you need to calm your own voice in your head to better listen to those around you, check out this book - it’s worth the read. I appreciate that I’m not the only one out there that deals with the constant chatter.

Listening is leadership and I believe this can help.

Great narration and message everyone should hear

I found the narrater (and author) incredibly precise and a good narrataror. Her voices exudes passion about the subject which I think does add to the audiobook. The book itself is concise without too much fluff. It adds anecdotes and interesting quotes and without getting anecdotal. It changed the way how I listen, and I really try to give the people around me more quality attention and true listening. Like she mentioned, this can be surprisingly hard. Easy recommendation for anyone who might be interested.

Great insights

Clearly written, useful examples. I hope I’ll be able to apply the lessons i’ve learned in this book. As I listen to the book, I think of the people that I most enjoy their company. Most often they do do the things that are described in this book.

Important insights

I was pleased with how insightful this book was about the value of listening. It had some helpful suggestions for how to be a better listener but largely indicates that there is no prescriptive solution for all cases. That said, the thesis is that everyone can become better with focus and attention.

Fantastic!

This is a fantastic listen that has engaged me, made me laugh and made me think about my listening and the listening of those around me. By far the most important work I have heard/read in a long time.

Fantastic book

What a fantastic book to listen to. The author’s voice and sincerity really came out.

Great book full of good insight

I learned a great deal from this book. I put into practice the ideas, and it's been a very positive change in my life. The author and narrator is easy to listen to, and the book is written casually, which I enjoy.

life changing

I thought I was a good listener. turns out the bar for being a good listener is quite low. So now I feel empowered with tools to improve my listening abilities, as well as tools to help me change the ways that I was/am failing to listen correctly. I will be listening to this book several more times to keep me on the right track. I am very excited for how what I've learned will be applied to how I listen to my family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. I look forward to what I will discover about others as well as myself.

Truly helpful

Aside from, annoyingly, substituting the term “care givers” for parents, in almost every reference about raising children, I found the book insightful and it has motivated me to reform. Kate Murphy has convinced me that better listening will improve all my relationships. And that will not only make me a happier person but be a gift to everyone I may encounter and take the time to extend the courtesy of listening. I think she is correct in her assertion that many in our tech dominated world are craving this one-on-one human connection (no doubt exacerbated in the COVID era). Having just watched the interesting new documentary on Mother Teresa, “No Greater Love,” I think listening to others is a lighter duty way of loving “the poor.” After all, loneliness is a type of poverty, and Murphy has made the case that it is more prevalent than everywhere, even among those with thousands of followers on Twitter or Facebook. Thank you @ best wishes, Kate!