How to Know a Person

The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

De: David Brooks

Narrado por: David Brooks

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A practical, heartfelt guide to the art of truly knowing another person and fostering deeper connections at home, at work, and throughout our lives—from the author of The Road to Character and The Second Mountain

As David Brooks observes, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.”

And yet all around are people who feel invisible, unseen, misunderstood. In How to Know a Person, Brooks sets out to help us do better, posing essential questions: If you want to know a person, what kind of attention should you cast on them? What kind of conversations should you have? What parts of a person’s story should you pay attention to?

Driven by his trademark sense of curiosity and determination to grow as a person, Brooks draws from the fields of psychology and neuroscience and the worlds of theater, philosophy, history, and education to present a welcoming, hopeful, integrated approach to human connection. How to Know a Person helps readers become more understanding and considerate toward others, and to find the joy that comes from being seen. Along the way it offers a possible remedy for a society that is riven by fragmentation, hostility, and misperception.

The act of seeing another person, Brooks argues, is profoundly creative: How can we look somebody in the eye and see something large in them and, in turn, see something larger in ourselves? How to Know a Person is for anyone searching for connection, and yearning to be understood.

Reseñas de la Crítica

Praise for the works of David Brooks

The Second Mountain

“Deeply moving, frequently eloquent and extraordinarily incisive.”—The Washington Post

The Road to Character

“David Brooks’s gift—as he might put it in his swift, engaging way—is for making obscure but potent social studies research accessible and even startling.”—The New York Times Book Review

“A powerful, haunting book that works its way beneath your skin.”—The Guardian

“Original and eye-opening . . . Brooks is a normative version of Malcolm Gladwell, culling from a wide array of scientists and thinkers to weave an idea bigger than the sum of its parts.”—USA Today

The Social Animal

“Provocative and fascinating . . . seeks to do nothing less than revolutionize our notions about how we function and conduct our lives.”—The Philadelphia Inquirer

“Brooks’s considerable achievement comes in his ability to elevate the unseen aspects of private experience into a vigorous and challenging conversation about what we all share.”—San Francisco Chronicle

A book he was ready to write

Summary: If we want to address the crisis of loneliness and the lack of community in American society, we need to learn how to listen and know others.

Both of David Brooks' last two books I had decided not to read, and then I changed my mind once I read reviews of them. But both of them had significant weaknesses, and Brooks was not yet ready to write either book. He wrote the books because he was an author and because writing and research are part of how he processes his own issues. He published because he was on deadline, not because he was really finished processing them. Because of this history, I again did not intend to pick up How to Know a Person. But again, I was drawn to them because of two podcasts. Curt Thompson interviewed him on Faith Angle. And then, more personally, he was interviewed by his real-life friend Kate Bowler on her podcast Everything Happens. These are very different podcasts. Curt Thompson is a Psychiatrist who has written about spiritual formation, the soul, shame, and neuroscience. That conversation is more about the technical issues of friendship, what relationships do for us, and why we need them. But it is easy to tell that Kate and David are not just acquaintances but actual friends who really do get together regularly. They talked about calling one another and going over to each other's homes to talk when needed. And that very personal conversation showed the aspect of how David has put into practice what he has been writing about for the past decade. That "putting into practice what he has been learning" which made me want to pick up How to Know a Person.

How to Know a Person has a mix of scientific research about how to listen, seek out friends, and why that is important. But the emotional center of the book is the three chapters telling the story of the suicide of David's oldest friend a few years ago. The main chapter is a revision of an essay he wrote not too long after the suicide. He grappled with that suicide and told the story of his friend's depression and how he tried to help. The two additional chapters are about what he learned afterward about depression and suicide and what advice he would have now for those who are either grappling with depression and suicide or those who have loved ones who are. All of these chapters are well-written, careful, and helpful. There is no silver bullet, but some things may be helpful.

Even if suicide or depression are not a concern for you and those around you, this is a helpful book that will have to be put into practice to be helpful. It is not a "three simple steps to be a better person" book. But a framing of how he understands the world to work, along with some advice about how to approach life so that you have a better chance of being a good friend and having good friends.

How to Be a Better Person is not a perfect book, but it feels like a book he was fully ready to write, unlike the previous two. As a spiritual director who spends much time in one-on-one conversations about intense and personal things, I found the advice and approach helpful. It is a book that I would recommend to most people, especially if you spend much time in conversation or would like to spend more time in conversation.

_______
Note on the narration: I am a big fan of authors reading their own work, especially if they are someone whose voice is well known. This is well narrated and he does a good job of communicating the emotion and earnestness of the book's topic in a helpful way that doesn't become pedantic or cloying. It was very well done.

A stunning contribution

Brooks has delivered a roadmap for personal growth, deeply enhanced relationships, and a shift away from social division and toward social harmony and care. Deeply researched and beautifully, often poetically, delivered.

Earth shattering. Be prepared to take lots of notes! .

Deeply insightful and approachable I’ve had 20+ years of analysis and I still learned more insights and tips and techniques on how to know a person and be a better person and friend.

What didn’t I like. Not much, perhaps on audible getting a list of all the books David Brooks refers to.

Thank you David for writing this book .

The simple yet complex ways to know a person and yourself.

I did like this book. My husband and I have enjoyed David's analysis for years on the PBS News hour. When GPS host Fareed Zakaria, interviewed David on his show. He described the book as "sweet." Is it the "sweeeet" slang for something very good? Or the sweet and yet challenging way to open our minds to know a person. I think it's both! Read this book because it may change you!

Im starting my 3rd listening

There is a wisdom that let’s me see myself. Each listen reminds me how to become more vulnerable and complete..