A powerful, ground-breaking book that shows you, in concrete steps, how to stop a loved one from engaging in self destructive behavior.
Stop your husband from drinking himself to death. Don't let your brother lose it all to gambling. Get your kid off drugs. Motivate your best friend to lose weight. Make your spendthrift brother-in-law stop maxing out his credit cards. Get your sister out of an abusive relationship. Erase anger in your co-worker.
If you're tired of watching your spouse, child, relative, or best friend go downhill, dragging you with them, How to Change Someone You Love will help you turn their lives around. You don't have to endure behavior that is unhealthy, abusive, possibly deadly, and that threatens to unravel relationships. You can change it.
Many books will tell you that you can't change anyone. They advise you not to even try. The problem is, they ignore the tremendous power you actually have to change people.
If most books about change are written for the addict or troubled person, How to Change Someone You Love reaches out to the loved ones who know that change is critical and urgent. This is not just a self-help book; this is a help-you-act book.
Brad Lamm's book is a must read for those seeking to help a loved one get beyond an addiction. Lamm's approach is a whole new take on the "tough love" mentality of "intervention." He debunks the myths about helping those you love with straight forward discussion and real world examples. The chapter on "when to step in" is a must read if you are not quite sure if your loved one really has problem or not.
He doesn't just give you a script of what to do but instead he walks you through each step with real world examples. He even includes how to handle the "what if" situations. For example, when I was reading through the section on having a "family meeting" I kept thinking "yea, but what if the person you're trying to help won't come or storms out of the meeting?" Lamm addresses this head on.
This is not a typical "self help" book. It is a guide and handbook for family members and loved ones to help get a loved one off drugs, alcohol, help for eating disorders, smoking, just about anything. The book includes extensive resources such as checklists and examples of the "change agreement."
I have the paperback version of the book but bought the audio version as well. I highly recommend the audio version as it is read by the author himself. Although I'm not sure how to get the PDF versions of the checklists and resources that are listed in the book and referred to in the audio version (the author states "in pdf format on the DVD - well I downloaded the audible version, I didnt purchase a DVD). At this point it's not a big deal since I have the book as well.
If you have a loved one who needs help with any sort of addiction, then you need to get this book/listen.
5 of 5 people found this review helpful
When I first got this book, I had in mind someone I was trying to get to lose weight. After listening to the first couple chapters, I decided this book was for people dealing with alcoholics and drug addicts and gave up on it. I picked it up again recently, and I'm glad I did. While it does focus on the more severe end of the spectrum, many of the tactics it suggests are useful for any problem- giving an eyewitness account, flashing forward, praising the good, suggesting competing behaviors, not telling someone "no" or "don't" but focusing on what they can do instead. Although 60-70% of the book turned out not to be relevant to my current situation, I wouldn't rule out the possibility it might be relevant someday, and in the meantime I'll make use of the rest. Recommended.