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Publisher's Summary

Are you and your spouse using accusations and blame as a strategy to resolve conflict? Are you and your spouse stuck in patterns in which you both argue and fight and never feel heard or understood? Are you and your spouse feeling alone, walking on eggshells, afraid to talk because it may lead to another fight?

This helpful and hopeful book will challenge and invite you and your spouse to evaluate your marriage using the top 10 differences. Knowing what the traits and patterns of a healthy versus an unhealthy marriage are will move you from accusing one another to accepting one another.

Stop hurting each other through blame, and learn to love and accept each other. I know it does take work to make a marriage healthy. I understand you have tried to fix your spouse or fix his or her problems, and this has not worked. Unfortunately, trying to be right or to correct each other has left you both only defeated and alone. You got married and vowed to love each other for better or for worse, but these days it seems your marriage is not about acceptance and is more about blame and defensiveness.

As a licensed marriage therapist, I know this book will stop the madness and the merry-go-round you two are on. Decide to resolve hurt together, and stop the hurtful patterns and start healthy patterns. Change does not happen overnight, but if both spouses are willing to partner and be a "we", then both of you can learn to eliminate unhealthy intentions and value embracing healthy intentions, feeling loved, accepted, and secure. My wife and I have done this, we have helped other spouses do this, and I feel confident you two can do this.

©2016 Phillip Kiehl (P)2016 Phillip Kiehl

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  • Amanda J
  • FARMERS BRANCH, TX, United States
  • 02-27-18

Almost good! Even with the Dangling participles and not-so-subtle Christian judgement

If you can get over some of the underlying religious tones and judgment that isn’t founded on research or good therapeutic or clinical fundamentals, it’s actually a decent book. I found that topics such as alcohol consumption and pornography use, were not well researched at all. It’s what you’d get in a standard pastoral counseling session. Many of the talking points could be pulled right from focus on the family or another religious organization. However, despite that, the discussions on accusations, letting go, control, and managing hurt, those were built on good foundations and valuable in the healing or reconstruction of the marital relationship. If you’re Christian, this is less overt. For others, you’ll see it.

I’d also like the author to understand that we’re not broken, or flawed. Perfection is subjective. We are hurt, we are malleable, we are learning, we are feeling, we are human, we are evolved (not created), we are change even though change is hard, we are beautiful and ugly. Your judgement was a major detractor in the book.