The ADHD Effect on Marriage

Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps
Narrated by: Laura Jennings
Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (330 ratings)

Audible Premium Plus

$14.95 a month

1 audiobook of your choice.
Stream or download thousands of included titles.
$14.95 a month after 30 days. Cancel anytime.
Buy for $24.49

Buy for $24.49

Pay using card ending in
By confirming your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and Amazon's Privacy Notice. Taxes where applicable.

Publisher's Summary

An invaluable resource for couples in which one of the partners suffers from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), this authoritative book guides troubled marriages toward an understanding of and appreciation for the struggles and triumphs of a relationship affected by it and to look at the disorder in a more positive and less disruptive way. Going beyond traditional marriage counseling, this discussion offers advice from the author's personal experience and years of research and identifies patterns of behavior that can hurt marriages - such as nagging, intimacy problems, sudden anger, and memory issues - through the use of vignettes and descriptions of actual couples and their ADHD struggles and solutions. This resource encourages both spouses to become active partners in improving their relationship and healing the fissures that ADHD can cause.

©2010 Melissa Orlov (P)2017 Tantor

What listeners say about The ADHD Effect on Marriage

Average Customer Ratings
Overall
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    253
  • 4 Stars
    48
  • 3 Stars
    13
  • 2 Stars
    7
  • 1 Stars
    9
Performance
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    190
  • 4 Stars
    54
  • 3 Stars
    21
  • 2 Stars
    9
  • 1 Stars
    7
Story
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    209
  • 4 Stars
    40
  • 3 Stars
    15
  • 2 Stars
    4
  • 1 Stars
    8

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

must buy if you have adult adhd

this is eye opening. If you are an adult with ADHD or a spouse of an adult with ADHD. You must take the time to listen to this. It hits every aspect of a relationship and how ADHD has effected it.

8 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

ADHD Relationship Decoder

I purchased this book after a breakup of a 9 year relationship. I had also had a divorce many years ago. This book blew my mind.

Chapter after chapter, I found most references in this book applied to my long term relationships. So strongly in fact I was brought to tears over and over, sobbing. I was unaware my ADHD played such a huge negative role in my relationships. I was floored.

If you have ADHD or have a partner with ADHD you unequivocally NEED to listen to this book. It is an eye opener and hopefully it will set you and your partner on a road to recovery.

I love you Konstantza and hope you will have me back so we can have a new relationship with all of the joys we are supposed to have.

Love always and forever,

Philip

24 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

“Just Give Up Now” is the feeling you get.

I’ll break it into good and bad points
Good
- Will help validate and clarify relationship struggles. It will help clarify that you’re not crazy as the none ADHD spouse
- Written from the non ADHD spouse perspective.

Bad
- The majority of the book is about how miserable the relationship is for everyone
- ADHD seems to be portrayed as a disease. Very few comments on its good qualities.
- There is little focus on navigating the challenges. Relationships tools are briefly covered. Then it is followed by how miserable people are.
- Positivity is brief. You’ll hear one statement about how things will be great. Then it is followed by how miserable everyone is.

The book has good intentions, but seems to reflect the author’s difficulties faced as the non ADHD spouse. It helped identify the ADD challenges earlier in my life. However, listening to the book has left me depressed and feeling hopeless. I got about four hours into the book before I finally had to stop. It wasn’t getting better.

The book has left the feeling that people with ADHD should avoid relationships all together and spend life alone. (Based on the first 4 hours of the same message)

The quick version of the book’s recommendations are. Find an ADHD marriage counselor and manage the ADHD.

The book is good for non ADHD partners seeking validation for their struggles. It will helps to reassure that they aren’t crazy.

6 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Worth the read for marriages with an ADHD spouse

I am the ADHD (male) spouse. This book is directed more at the non-ADHD spouse, and contains great advice. So I highly recommend it for the non-ADHD spouse. My non-ADHD spousev had found it to be very helpful, and, as she progresses through each section, putting recommendations into action already facilitating improvements in our marital relationship.

However, if you're the one with ADD/ADHD, the way she talks about some things can be more difficult or even feel offensive at times. But this is because she's speaking to the non-ADHD spouse, and acknowledging their emotional experiences of living with you. And that can be hard to hear and accept, without feeling very threatened or judged. The author's time is clearly such that this is not her intent. The intent is to validate the non-ADHD spouse's experience. and that can be very hard to hear and accept. Taken in this light, the book can be helpful for both sides in gaining empathy towards the other's experience. And in that light can potentially facilitate better outcomes. Nonetheless, this can also trigger feelings of judgement, defensiveness, guilt/shame/blame, etc. for the ADHD spouse. so be prepared for that. Both of you will have to do your best to put the best construction in your respective approved in these situations.

I got through it fine. But I've also done a decent amount of work on myself in this area before listening to the book. Even with that, the general tone throughout the book was still very difficult at times.

So... non-ADHD spouses, please take all this into consideration before recommending to your spouse that they read it too. I'm not saying don't recommend it. Simply do your best to be aware of your spouse's sensitivities, while they are reading the book, if you choose to recommend it. For some of you, it may not produce the desired effect.

6 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

ADHD spouse here, I finally feel like I have a plan to salvage the little bit I have left in my marriage!

I am so grateful this book is Finally on audiobook. I have a hard copy and have had it for several years now. I've been married for nearly 11 years. The beginning of the book almost exactly described the downfall my marriage has been going through. The fact that Melissa so perfectly describes what I've been through and does so with logic and compassion. She does a wonderful job explaining in a way that keeps me from feeling inept as a spouse.

The concepts are simple and a great summary recap is at the back of the book. Thank you Melissa, I haven't felt this much hope and confidence that I can build a foundation within the ashes of my currently failing marriage.

If you are reading my review and either one or. Out of you have adhd in your marriage. This is a really solid plan that sounds like it's going to work!

Good luck, it's hard but I know it will be worth it to get my relationship and my family in a good place. :)

12 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Wow! You make it sound like ADHD people are awful!!

I have ADHD and I did not relate to this book at all. It had more negative comments than positive comments about ADHD. Just because I have ADHD doesn’t mean that I am incompetent and can’t do daily tasks, chores, etc.

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Changed my life - I now have awareness

I turned to this book after my wife of 9 years had multiple affairs over the last year. When I started listening to the book, it was a mirror of my marriage. I had thought I was ADHD most of my life but never addressed it. I asked my dr about adderrall 3 years ago which he wrote a script and although it helped for some time, well as I said I recently found out about affairs. When I realized that ADHD symptoms could be the cause for the space between us (multiple examples) I seemed out help from an adhd specialist. I was formerly diagnose with ADHD and a serious case of it. For the last two months I have been working on myself and I have a new awareness that my first path of thinking is my ADHD and through the tools in this book and journaling my thoughts, I now now how to get to my second path of thinking. If you think you have ADHD or your partner does, read this book! I wish I could get my wife to read it but I haven’t been able to get her to. Although were working on our marriage through counseling, this book was was unlocked my mind and provided me with awareness. I can never go back to my old way of not being aware. This book may have changed my awareness forever... now to make change. Thank you.

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars

Very basic

While narrated extremely well, the content is quite basic and it felt like the majority of the book was quotes from the author’s website’s forums plus personal experience from the author. There is very little tangible help and what is there could be dealt with in 20 pages or less. Save your credit!

3 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

It thrilled me!

Only the Bible is bigger in my book! Melissa-amazing. Laura-well done. My ADHD thanks you!

7 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

A must read for couples

She speaks first hand and with more knowledge on ADHD in couples than anyone I have ever heard

If you wonder why your spouse is the way they are whether your the one with ADHD or not this book explains and gives the couples a base to work from

2 people found this helpful

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for H3
  • H3
  • 11-22-19

Liberating!

I am so grateful for this book. I recently split from my girlfriend who has ADHD. In fact she dumped me for about the 50th time. As soon as she felt us getting really close she would pull away. And pain would ensue. I have really struggled to understand her despite throwing myself heart and soul into the relationship. We still communicate now via text and occasionally see each other. It's hard to believe we will ever get back together though I still dearly love her. But this audiobook really helped understand her so much. It brought me to tears on many occasions. Thank you for helping me at least to understand her a little better. I wish I had listened to it much earlier in our relationship, perhaps (from my side at least) I could have reacted to certain stimuli in much better ways and things could have turned out differently. I'm very grateful for the act of generosity that this book is.

2 people found this helpful

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Marisa Heredia
  • Marisa Heredia
  • 11-23-17

Wow, so much more than I was expecting

Spectacularly good, accurate, fair, eye-opening, and as touching as it was refreshing. It's clear Melissa has an abundance of knowledge on adhd and relationships, but what's great is that so many principles discussed can be applied to all relationships too.

Only downside was that sometimes the things that the 'adhd spouse' (I.e. husband) did were described as being an issue in the relationship due to his adhd, or things an adhd husband that affected his spouse was generalised to be because of his adhd/symptoms. However, I feel that many examples of the dissatisfaction by their non-adhd wife were more due to gender differences than given credit for.
As an adhd spouse and wife myself I actually related to the non-adhd wives quite often, and my non-adhd husband (and yes, I'm sure he doesn't have it too) has a lot of similarities with the 'adhd spouse', and I feel he probably just has that in common with them due to his gender.
For example I am not able to focus well off meds, but not paying my husband enough attention has never been an issue, if anything off meds I pay him too much attention. It likely comes easier to me as stereotypically females naturally prioritise family, loved ones and relationships higher, so to say adhd partners should prioritise paying their spouse more attention neglects to take this into consideration.

However, Melissa does preface the book by saying that most often it is non-adhd wives that want help regarding their adhd husbands so her books are tailored exactly to that.

The book is absolutely invaluable either way, regardless of who has adhd. Thank you!

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 09-05-20

Not really applicable to everyone

I have ADHD, OCD and autism spectrum disorder. There wasn’t much help on the dynamics that I struggle with. Especially when attempting to live with an ADD individual (a housemate not partner, but I’ve heard this book was great for any living situation). Seemed like there was one major dynamic they went really in depth into but not much else. However there was some excellent tips of communication such as learning conversations which could benefit me in any relationship

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 05-27-20

100% relatable

The most relatable book that I’ve ever read, like it was written for my partner & myself. Practical, easy to follow, fantastic examples, good advice. Can’t wait to improve our relationship... Now to get my partner to read it also!!