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Publisher's Summary

Something Has to Change….

You can't put it into words, but something is happening to you. Your stomach churns, your heart aches, and the tension in your marriage is making you feel weary and a little crazy. The constant criticism, disrespect, cruelty, deceit, and gross indifference are eroding your confidence and breaking your spirit.

For any woman caught in an emotionally destructive marriage, Leslie Vernick offers a personalized path forward. Based on decades of counseling experience, her intensely practical, biblical advice will show you how to establish boundaries and break free from emotional abuse. Learn to:

  • identify damaging behaviors
  • gain the skills to respond wisely
  • promote healthy change
  • stay safe
  • understand when, why, and even how to leave
  • recognize that God sees and hates what is happening to you

Trying harder to be a perfect fantasy wife won’t help fix what’s wrong your marriage. Discover instead how you can initiate effective changes to stop the cycle of destruction and restore hope for the future.

©2014 Leslie Vernick (P)2014 eChristian

Critic Reviews

"Women in an emotionally abusive marriage do not need another book on how to have a good marriage; those books rub salt in raw wounds. No, they desperately need this book so that they can diagnose just how bad their marriage is and then, with Leslie’s clear expertise, develop a plan that will either begin to turn their marriage around...or give them a wise route of escape." (Dee Brestin, author of Idol Lies and the Friendships of Women)

What listeners say about The Emotionally Destructive Marriage

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I wish this book had been written 10 years ago

Would you listen to The Emotionally Destructive Marriage again? Why?

Yes, to remind myself when I start to feel guilty in the future over something I can no longer control.

What did you like best about this story?

I was raised in the church and when I married the first time I meant to stay married for life. But after 15 years of being in a ED marriage and realizing my spouse was unwillingly to change because of indifference. I left the marriage and have felt an immense feeling of guilt ever since due to my upbringing. I was unsure of where I could fit in at church, being a divorced woman. This book has helped me to clearly see that God understands how hard I tried to be the fantasy wife for my husband and that he hated seeing me repeatedly abused. He truly loves me more than my broken marriage. Now I understand.

Have you listened to any of Leslie Vernick’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

no

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

Yes, when she stated that God loved marriage but he loves me as a person more. This is something I thought I knew but not until she said it did I truly feel it.

17 people found this helpful

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Great Resource!

This book offers sound biblical and practical ways to understand and address emotional abuse in marriages. Leslie not only provides the biblical guidelines, she also provides specific and clear action steps. This book gives hope and clarity to those who are in abusive relationships. A must read for those who work with couples or in marriage ministry.

10 people found this helpful

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Game changer

This book is amazing. I wondered if I was making it up, if I’m the problem, if I was exaggerating the severity of what I was experiencing. It would have been so much easier to determine if he had hit me...

Leslie revealed that years of isolation, criticism, belittling, stonewalling, ignoring me, leaving the room when I started talking...were all genuine signs of abuse and were not acceptable in a marriage.

This book has given me the tools to work through the next steps and not be a victim in my circumstance. I’ve never felt so powerful!

9 people found this helpful

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dmv

wish i could find a counselor with her mindset in Nashville, tn. so difficult to find good christian counselor tasty hasn't been corrupted by the world. nice to hear scripture brought to life for the real world. wish you were here.

8 people found this helpful

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The Best

This book is my favorite on the subject. I've listened to it several times. It is full of Godly advise to stay well in a disfunctional marriage if you can and also contains Godly advise in how to leave well if you cant. God cares about our safety and sanity. You will not regret your purchase and will refer to it often as a center point for your healing and growth. Thank You Mrs. Vernick, I feel you have saved my life and greatly helped my children . God bless you and yours and all who seek God's intervention .

16 people found this helpful

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Get Your Head Out of the Clouds

Leslie shows the utmost compassion, understanding, and respect for hurting couples while standing by God's Word.
We are reminded that the Lord loves Each Individual NOT JUST MARRIAGE.
She is fair to BOTH SEXES.
Forget Fifty Shades of Grey, and let Leslie help you Get Your Lives and Marriages back on Track God's Way

7 people found this helpful

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giving a voice to emotionally abused spouse

this is a life transforming book that gives a voice to the emotionally abused spouse.

3 people found this helpful

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Changed my life to read this

I cannot begin to detail how much this book changed my thinking and then my behaviors within my marriage. The validation itself was a miracle balm to my soul - I could not believe I was hearing from an outsider of my marriage AND biblical Counselor of such experience AND believer such exact stories and examples as had been my own experience - but the actual practical applications (scripts, scenarios, helping agencies, and directives for action) have been immeasurably helpful to my healing, and to changing the direction of my own role in and thinking of my marriage IN REAL LIFE IMPACT. Something I've honestly never gotten from a so-called "self-help book" before.
I know God sent Ms Vernick to give us (emotionally destroyed and spiritually mislead spouses who believe in Jesus) a voice for TRULY Godly marriage - not a fake, God-dishonoring one.
I can't say thank you enough, Leslie.
My marriage might still have hope yet - we will see what the already-invoked separation holds, but with this book, I know how to try to start well if we can, and LEAVE WELL if we CAN'T.
So much love for This!

2 people found this helpful

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Christian View of Difficult Marriages

There are some really helpful books available on this subject ( and even quite good ones). However, Vernick gives a Christian perspective which is sorely needed in this area. I couldn't stop listening and I will go back and listen again.

I especially appreciated Vernick reading her own work. She has a lovely voice for narration and it added a lot a credibility to the material being presented.

2 people found this helpful

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To God be the Glory!

My roadmap to my journey of healing! I’ve been married for almost 15 years, Feb 14, 2019. This has been my happening to me the whole time! I couldn’t put a name to it. The insanity cycle has now been broken, and I’m ALIVE and well. I’m healthy, mind, body, soul, and spirit. Early 2018, my awakening happened and I’m not looking back. I’ve had to visit and revisit the content of the book, but it has help me articulate, and communicate what I’ve been going through. I’m not sure what the future holds, but I trust God and ready for every miracle, breakthrough, and turnaround in my favor. Amen!

2 people found this helpful

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  • FJO
  • 05-22-18

A fantastic read!

A must for every wo(man) ! The action steps incredibly practical in this modern world.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Eulalie Alphonse
  • 03-28-21

Best Book on Marriage I ever read

If you have found yourself with no hope for a better marriage listen to this. You will find truth and hope

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  • Kjetil Aron Nielsen
  • 08-18-20

Liked it

Very good book, even though I disagreed on some of the points. It covers relationships with minor issues as well as more serious ones.

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  • Keith
  • 06-29-21

Rambling emotive honest review

I gave this review one star as I wished to bring attention to a different viewpoint of this book. I have not right to judge anyone including the author. I believe if possible for us all we should stay married. I initially gave quite a scathing review (see below). I then re read a few chapters (in particular Chapter 12) and realised I needed to change a lot more than I wish to admit. So if you like rambling emotive reviews see below, if not stop reading now. Thank you to the author for helping me on my change journey. I also feel your book would be far better if it were more balanced such as real facts and figures on what happens to children should parents stay together or separate, this would help readers make an informed choice. and no you do not know what God thinks and God does not hate anyone. It may be too late in some ways and in others a new beginning. As a man wishing to change I read this book to help me understand other peoples point of view. Lots of it very useful and true. Lots of it very negative. I believe there should be more emphasis on understanding, reconciliation and forgiveness if possible. The author seems to think she can speak for GOD, saying he hates this and hates that. I believe it distorts what the bible teaches in some ways and in other ways is so truthful. I realise it is very easy and to criticise anyone. I urge anyone who reads this to also consider reading How to be free from bitterness, The Five Love Languages. I would also consider watching the film Courageous. I hope all of us can some how change and become better. I hope this review helps someone and thank you for your time.

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  • Julie Mahomed
  • 11-08-17

A Great and Informative Book

I gained some inside into other emotionally destructive marriages. Even though I have & had experienced some form of emotionally destructive traits by my husband over our 40 years plus of marriage, it is comforting to know that couples are struggling with this problem all around the world. The help & assistance suggested by Leslie Vernick to those abused women is of help to me. To have bible verses back up Leslie’s thoughts & helpfulness was a great blessing and strength. To also know God is there constantly beside me and knowing the right thing to do in difficult instances is very comforting. This subject of emotionally destructive marriages is so essential to get out to women because sometimes you feel like you’re the only person this is happening to & you must be really bad to upset your spouse. To know it’s not my problem but his is a comfort in itself, but then for a self centred person to see they have faults & they’re not the perfect 10 is a battle in itself. Thank you so much Leslie for your wonderful book! I loved it......