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Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
- Narrated by: Dick Fredricks
- Length: 7 hrs and 21 mins
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A Good One
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Not what I would recommend as a therapist who works primarily with children
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Excellent
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Drs. Cloud and Townsend help you understand the friction points and even the serious hurts in your marriage - and move beyond them to mutual care, respect, affirmation, and intimacy.
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Boundaries *ARE* scriptural - ignore noisemakers
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In Boundaries for Leaders, Dr. Henry Cloud gives leaders the tools and techniques they need to achieve the performance they desire - in their organizations and in themselves. Drawing on the latest findings from neuroscience, Dr. Cloud shows why it's critical for leaders to set the conditions that make people's brains perform at their highest levels. How do great leaders do this? One way is through the creation of "boundaries" - structures that determine what will exist and what will not.
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Slow read
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Started off great - then it got religious
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9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life
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Years of counseling enabled Dr. Henry Cloud to observe people trying to work out the most important issues of life. If we sincerely want to "get life right" and quit repeating the same mistakes, 9 Things You Simply Must Do provides the practical guidance we need to live life to its fullest.
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I love how Dr. Henry Cloud teaches!!
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By: Henry Cloud
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Boundaries
- By: Dr. John Townsend, Dr. Henry Cloud
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Performance
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Story
Christians often focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limitations, allowing others to take advantage of their kindness. Authors Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer Biblically-based ways to take control of your life and set healthy boundaries with parents, spouses, children, friends, coworkers, and even yourself.
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Excellent book!
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Publisher's summary
Safe People will help you discover why good people can get tangled in bad relationships, how to avoid repeating your own mistakes, and how to pick safe, healthy people for the friends you make and the company you keep.
Too many of us have invested in relationships that have gone wrong. Maybe you've been judged, manipulated, or controlled. Or maybe you've trusted the wrong people in the past. It's easy to make the same mistakes of judgment over and over - or, worse, to give up on trying to have great, authentic relationships again. But it doesn't have to be that way.
In Safe People, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend teach you that being with an unsafe person can be damaging to your confidence, your trust in others, and even your health. You'll learn that you have the power to surround yourself with accepting, honest, and safe people who draw you closer to being the person God intended you to be.
Drs. Cloud and Townsend, authors of the New York Times best seller Boundaries, are here to share the lessons they've learned in their years of practicing psychology and studying the patterns and practices that support clear, biblical boundaries. In Safe People, they offer guidance for making safe choices in all of your day-to-day relationships, from family and friends to colleagues and partners.
Safe People will give you the tools you need to recognize what makes people relationally safe, form positive relationships, and even become a safe person along the way. Drs. Cloud and Townsend share expert insights that will help you ask important questions:
- How can I learn to pick better friends?
- Why do I choose people who let me down?
- How did I end up with this critical boss?
- How do I attract irresponsible people?
- Why did I invest money with that unscrupulous person?
- What is it about me that draws the wrong types of people to me?
- Why am I drawn to the wrong types of people?
It's time to revitalize your connections and finally start enjoying the healthy, balanced relationships that you deserve.
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What keeps you from loving someone God loves so much? How might your life change if you really believed God loves you - not just in your head but down where it counts, in your heart? Imagine how different things could be: The lies you've believed about yourself all these years dispelled. The wounds of abuse healed. Your future lit with hope, peace, and purpose. Your closeness with God and others deepened immeasurably.
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So Grateful I Found This Book!
- By Valerie on 06-28-16
By: Jerry Basel, and others
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Boundaries with Kids
- How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children
- By: Henry Cloud, John Townsend
- Narrated by: Henry O. Arnold
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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What the award-winning, best-selling Boundaries has done for adult relationships, Boundaries with Kids will do for you and your children. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend provide the help and guidance you need for raising your kids to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions. With wisdom and empathy, they take you through the ins and outs of instilling the kind of character in your children that will help them lead balanced, productive, and fulfilling adult lives.
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Not what I would recommend as a therapist who works primarily with children
- By Amanda on 02-12-21
By: Henry Cloud, and others
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The DNA of Relationships
- By: Dr. Gary Smalley
- Narrated by: Chris Fabry
- Length: 6 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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We are designed for relationships, yet they often bring us pain. In this paradigm-shifting book, Gary Smalley unravels the DNA of relationships: we are made for three great relationships, with God, others, and ourselves, and all relationships involve choice. Gary exposes a destructive relationship dance that characterizes nearly every relationship conflict, and he offers five new dance steps that will revolutionize relationships.
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Could be half as long
- By Christine on 01-06-08
By: Dr. Gary Smalley
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Forgiving What You'll Never Forget
- By: David Stoop
- Narrated by: Tom Hatting
- Length: 3 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Forgiveness is an essential part of being a Christian, but that doesn't make it easy. What do we do when confronted with the unforgivable - an act that shakes our moral foundations to their roots, often committed by someone trusted and loved? Murder, sexual abuse, adultery - all leave lifelong wounds. Thankfully, they are all trespasses that, through the grace of God, can be forgiven.
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So grateful to have come upon this book
- By Tina on 05-19-18
By: David Stoop
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How to Be a Best Friend Forever
- Making and Keeping Lifetime Relationships
- By: Dr. John Townsend
- Narrated by: Dr. John Townsend
- Length: 2 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Our world has diluted the meaning of friendship, but the reality is, there’s nothing like the sustaining strength of true-blue, forever friends. Still, many people are convinced that they’ll never find such lifelong connections—or that they don’t need them. In this encouraging audio book, best-selling author and psychologist John Townsend delivers hope and help for making these relationships a reality—and for making them even better if you’ve already got a “bestie.”
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This is a Christian based book.
- By lisak227 on 11-17-14
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Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away
- By: Gary Chapman
- Narrated by: Chris Fabry
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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When you said, “I do”, you entered marriage with high hopes, dreaming it would be supremely happy. You never intended for it to be miserable. Millions of couples are struggling in desperate marriages. But the story doesn’t have to end there. Dr. Gary Chapman writes, “I believe that in every troubled marriage, one or both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in their marriage.”
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encouragement through another chance
- By Brookley on 09-19-18
By: Gary Chapman
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Love Is a Choice
- The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships
- By: Dr. Robert Hemfelt, Dr. Frank Minirth, Dr. Paul Meier
- Narrated by: Christopher Solimene
- Length: 11 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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In Love Is a Choice, best-selling doctors Robert Hemfelt, Frank Minirth, and Paul Meier walk you through their 10 proven stages to recovery from codependency that results from external circumstances. Humans are susceptible to codependency because of our sinful tendency to use defense mechanisms to fool ourselves. In codependent relationships, deceitful games are played, and important Christian principles are often taken out of context and abused.
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Great book, horrible Performance
- By Jeff on 03-15-18
By: Dr. Robert Hemfelt, and others
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How Can I Forgive You?
- The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To
- By: Janis A. Spring, Michael Spring
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Until now, we have been taught that forgiveness is good for us and that good people forgive. Dr. Spring, a gifted therapist and the award-winning author of After the Affair, proposes a radical, life-affirming alternative that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives - without forgiving. She also offers a powerful and unconventional model for genuine forgiveness - one that asks as much of the offender as it does of us.
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I'm a Christian
- By jelady on 06-14-19
By: Janis A. Spring, and others
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Healing for Damaged Emotions
- By: David A. Seamands
- Narrated by: Steve Corbo
- Length: 4 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Events in our lives, both good and bad, form rings in us like the rings in a tree. Each ring records memories that affect our feelings, our relationships, and our thoughts about God. In this classic work, David Seamands encourages us to live compassionately with ourselves as we allow the Holy Spirit to heal our past. As he helps us name hurdles in our lives - such as guilt, poor self-worth, and perfectionism - he shows us how we can find freedom from our pain and enjoy the abundant life God wants for us.
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No one is exempt.
- By Henry on 10-20-18
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No Perfect People Allowed
- By: John Burke
- Narrated by: Tom Casaletto
- Length: 12 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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How do we live out the message of Jesus in today’s ever-changing culture? The church is facing its greatest challenge - and its greatest opportunity - in our postmodern, post-Christian world. God is drawing thousands of spiritually curious “imperfect people” to become his church - but how are we doing at welcoming them? No Perfect People Allowed shows you how to deconstruct the five main barriers standing between emerging generations and your church by creating the right culture.
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No Perfect People Allowed
- By Robin on 04-19-09
By: John Burke
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Let Hope In
- 4 Choices That Will Change Your Life Forever
- By: Pete Wilson
- Narrated by: Van Tracy
- Length: 5 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Your past is not your past if it’s still impacting your present. Do you ever feel as though your life has become a broken record? You’re hearing the same song play over and over again? Nearly every human being on earth has likely spent some time on the carousel of pain. Whether you’re dealing with the guilt and regret of your own sinful choices, or you’re sitting in the shame of someone else’s deceitful actions, God wants to bring you healing.
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Pete Wilson has practical advice and is inspiring
- By Steve on 06-28-15
By: Pete Wilson
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I love how Dr. Henry Cloud teaches!!
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NOW I UNDERSTAND
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The Power of the Other
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Which Corner Are You In?
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Necessary Endings
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While endings are a natural part of business and life, we often experience them with a sense of hesitation, sadness, resignation, or regret. But consultant, psychologist, and bestselling author Dr. Henry Cloud sees endings differently. He argues that our personal and professional lives can only improve to the degree that we can see endings as a necessary and strategic step to something better.
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A Good One
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Excellent life changing book-horrible narrator
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Terrible production, excellent book
- By R. Carlson on 10-05-08
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I love how Dr. Henry Cloud teaches!!
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In Our Mothers, Ourselves, Henry Cloud and John Townsend show how understanding how our mothers have profoundly influenced our lives can set us on a path toward wholeness and growth. No one has influenced the person you are today like your mother. The way she handled your needs as a child has shaped your worldview, your relationships, your marriage, your career, your self-image - your life. Our Mothers, Ourselves can help you identify areas that need reshaping, to make positive choices for personal change, and to establish a mature relationship with Mom today.
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NOW I UNDERSTAND
- By Pam H. on 10-30-21
By: Henry Cloud, and others
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The Power of the Other
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Which Corner Are You In?
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Necessary Endings
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Essential Reading
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Integrity
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Integrity. It is more than simple honesty. It's the key to success. A person with integrity has the, often rare, ability to pull everything together, to make it all happen no matter how challenging the circumstances.
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An Audiobook That Everyone Should Hear
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Successful people confront well. They know that setting healthy boundaries improves relationships and can solve important problems. They have discovered that uncomfortable situations can be avoided or resolved through direct conversation. But most of us don't know how to have difficult conversations, and we see confrontation as scary or adversarial. Authors Henry Cloud and John Townsend take the principles from their award-winning and best-selling book, Boundaries, and apply them to a variety of the most common difficult situations and relationships.
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Great book with substantial information and examples
- By Adrian B. on 12-31-21
By: Henry Cloud, and others
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Boundaries in Dating
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Boundaries in Dating offers illuminating insights for romance that can help you grow in freedom, honesty, and self-control as you pursue healthy dating limits that can lead to a happy marriage.
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Packed with good Godly advice
- By F. Bramming on 01-27-15
By: Henry Cloud, and others
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How People Grow
- What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth
- By: Henry Cloud, John Townsend
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Our desire to grow runs deep. Yet the issues in our lives and relationships that we wish would change often stay the same, even with our best efforts at spiritual growth. Unpacking the practical and passionate theology that forms the backbone of their counseling, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend shatter popular misconceptions about how God operates to reveal how growth really happens.
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Excellent
- By Anonymous on 09-19-21
By: Henry Cloud, and others
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How to Get a Date Worth Keeping
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De-mystify dating once and for all! Dr. Henry Cloud addresses common dating issues and presents a "how to" guide for getting to know yourself and your date, so you can find (and keep) the love of your life. Let's face it - dating isn't always fun. But starting today, you can begin a journey that will bring fun and interesting people into your life, broaden your experience of others and yourself, and lead you toward that date of all dates - a date worth keeping.
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A must read for anyone that's in dating mode...
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Beyond Boundaries
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For when your trust has been broken: Discover how to set firm boundaries again, how to connect deeply without being hurt, and how to safely grow your most intimate relationships. Painful relationships violate our trust, causing us to close our hearts. But to experience the freedom and love God designed us for, we eventually have to take another risk.
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VERY Christian oriented
- By KK on 06-30-12
By: John Townsend
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Loving People
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Best-selling author Dr. John Townsend teaches you that love can actually be learned and gives you the steps and tools to become skilled in love. Using his trademark stories to flesh out the important principles, Dr. Townsend covers receiving love, connecting love, healing love, confronting love, romantic love, and surrendering love. Through his teaching, listeners will discover - and start enjoying - the words, actions, and experiences of authentic love.
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Very insightful
- By Amazon Customer on 05-17-19
By: John Townsend
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12 'Christian' Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy
- Relief from False Assumptions
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Not everything believed as biblical truth is truly biblical. The authors debunk 12 commonly accepted beliefs that cause bondage rather than liberty. They explain how nuggets of truth become cornerstones for error when wrongly understood, and they help build solid scriptural foundations that produce emotional freedom.
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Critical
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The Secret Things of God
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Dr. Henry Cloud brings his insights as both a psychologist and a student of spiritual life to the eternal principles that govern listeners' goals, desires, relationships, and lives. These same truths, if activated in people's lives, are guaranteed to fill them with security, hope, and relationship with the eternal Creator. Cloud also reveals how these truths intersect and interface with the spiritual longings expressed in the principles found in The Secret and similar works.
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Great listen
- By Tonya on 08-05-08
By: Dr. Henry Cloud
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Rescue Your Love Life
- Changing the 8 Dumb Attitudes and Behaviors That Will Sink Your Marriage
- By: Henry Cloud, John Townsend
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Before you face storms in your marriage (or if you’re already in one), turn to psychologists and best-selling authors Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. They offer real solutions and biblical insight for couples who want to keep the wind in their sails of romance. You’ll find forty practical, irresistible ways to steer clear of, or resolve, all the “dumb” things that can scuttle our most cherished relationship. Insightful advice, along with true stories from the authors’ clinical practice, will strengthen your marriage or help get it back on course.
By: Henry Cloud, and others
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How to Be a Best Friend Forever
- Making and Keeping Lifetime Relationships
- By: Dr. John Townsend
- Narrated by: Dr. John Townsend
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Our world has diluted the meaning of friendship, but the reality is, there’s nothing like the sustaining strength of true-blue, forever friends. Still, many people are convinced that they’ll never find such lifelong connections—or that they don’t need them. In this encouraging audio book, best-selling author and psychologist John Townsend delivers hope and help for making these relationships a reality—and for making them even better if you’ve already got a “bestie.”
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This is a Christian based book.
- By lisak227 on 11-17-14
What listeners say about Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Weedarkone
- 06-14-12
Excellent analysis of Safe and Unsafe People
Nota Bene: this book is written by Christian therapists who look at things (at least in this book) from a Christian point of view. That said, if you are a Christian, you will find this analysis exceedingly useful. If you are not a Christian, I would imagine that you could still find the book useful, although, you might get annoyed by the constant references to God and what God wants for our lives. It depends on your tolerance for that kind of talk, I think.
That said, I (as a Christian) found this book to be SO helpful, I have listened to it at least ten times since I bought it about a month ago. I will listen to a chapter, then listen again and again, taking notes and trying to remember the endless amounts of good advice and analysis provided.
This book is split into parts, with lots of lists (something I loved).
The first part discusses in detail the characteristics of Unsafe People.
The second part analyzes why we befriend Unsafe People.
The third part discusses the characteristics of Safe People, how to become one, and how to befriend them.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has trouble making and keeping friendships with people who make them feel good and happy, and who help them to be the best people they can be. You need this book if most of your friends are dysfunctional people (aren't we all) who persist in their dysfunction, instead of who seek to grow and move out of their harmful ways. Or for those who have simply given up on trying to make new friends because they have been let down so many times, they just don't see the point anymore.
This book is for you.
As for the reader, he does a fantastic job of reading this book, even going to the point of using different voices for other men, women, or children. It's actually quite endearing. He does a great job of capturing the emotion behind the author's words, but without being maudlin. Great job, reader!
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- OrangeJuice
- 09-12-17
Bad News First. Good News last.
The bad news:
1. Book is outdated. Wish I would have realized I was buying a dinosaur. Unfortunately I forgot to check the publishing date. The fact that the field of psychology has grown immensly since this book was written makes this book feel OLD SCHOOL by today's standards.
2. Authors lean toward victim blaming. I find their lack of compassion toward those that have been abused appalling. They literally list ABUSE as something that you need to simply GET PAST as if trauma has nothing to do with your inability to do so. This approach is shallow. At times during the book they say the best way to resolve conflicts is to facilitate change in others by changing yourself without discussing the danger of doing this with a cluster B personality disordered person. It's as if they would say a rape victim is at fault if they have lingering issues and if they would change themself then they can change the rapist. Sorry, but this ideology is ridiculous regardless of when it was written.
3. At times they compare your ability to resolve relationship conflicts with the ability of Jesus - as if they should be the same. I found myself getting angry as they needlessly pointed out that I am not God. (which I already knew as I am born again) They say to "do what Jesus did " without even discussing the difficultities or presenting HOW TO'S presented as real solutions. Telling me to be like God reminds me of the wwjd movement. How helpful is it when you are already trying and failing. If that is all you needed to know, then you would not be reading this book.
4. They lack ability to identify with people that would actually need what this book promises - a new found ability to have people in your life that care about you and that dont desire to hurt you. They promise they have the answers to helping you find SAFE PEOPLE when in fact they have no "real world" experience doing it at all. This became evident as they described their worst relational experience as having a college girlfrend cheating on them. While that is hurtful, it certainly would not erase all other important people from their life. Their personal lack of need for finding SAFE PEOPLE in the first place makes this book nothing more than a research project. For those of us that ARE or have been isolated, their attempt to relate through this "experiment" feels like a big slap in the face. Kind of like... "wow, that's the worst thing relationally you ever experienced?". It's like having someone who stubbed their toe telling a veteran that lost both his legs to "just get up and walk", afterall, they didn't let their stubbed toe stop them. Additionally, you should have never gone to war in the first place. Oh and dont forget Jesus told the patalytic to get up and walk..." Is this banter helpful or hurtful to the soldier? I say hurtful and a waste of time.
5. At times they make Jesus sound like a narcissist. Not sure if it was the writing or how it was read or both, but many times it contained mocking tones that bothered me. Also, the continuous lip smacking by the reader was irritating.
6. They discuss good news and bad news, but don't tell you what they are handing you until after. By then you are so confused that their point is easily lost. Re-reading the book several times will help clarify.
NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS:
1. The authors are Christians. Their desire to be helpful seems clear. At times they hit on issues in a clear manner and the idea of Christian psychologists with a PHD attempting to help others is potentally heart warming.
2. Their list of 20 things to look for in safe people is helpful. You will be encouraged that SAFE PEOPLE do exist and be given above average tips on how to find them. However, they themselves are wishy washy in their point that implementing the ideas of this book may or may not help. kind of like a disclaimer that leaves you feeling indifferent about their own confidence
3. Even better are the tips of what "not to do" when looking for SAFE PEOPLE. This seemed like good advice and could save you some time - perhaps years.
4. You will find that chatacters in the book are often humbled and can be fooled by non-safe people - even people with great status. This is helpful for not feeling so alone as a mistake maker. (just not the authors, as they seem to be ABOVE you and I)
5. The reader voice quality is above average. He makes it feel like a story. While I was ok with it, at times the fact that this subject was directed to be read in this manner dumbed down the overall clinical approach self help theme of the actual book.
SUMMARY
If I sound cynical in THE GOOD news portion of my review, it is only to reflect how they express good news with blame shift. I hope you get the point.
If you want to be blamed for being alone and not having SAFE PEOPLE in your life more than you are taught how to find them, then you will love this book. If you can stomache their blame, the tips they present for finding and needing SAFE PEOPLE it could definitely still be worth the read. Just be sure you are solid in your entire recovery approach first. My concern is that anyone with a DEEP NEED to get connected will find themselves reeling in pain if they read this book. I know I felt great pain as I was essentially shamed for not doing enough and for having a need to begin with. If they were compassionate in their writing I would tell you, they simply are not. As a Christian, it greatly dissaponts me to see such lack of compassion in the writing when the book itself was likely born from God's desire to see his people connected.
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36 people found this helpful
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- Linette
- 11-28-11
A big help to my life
I have listened to this book over and over again as it has really helped me to move forward from my most recent breakup. I was devasted by the breakup and it made me to be able to question my character decernment. I needed help and this book is like haveing a counsler in your back pocket, when you need it. I will use these principles to seek out a new relationship. Normally, I would have retreated from relationships but now I am not afraid to move forward and be open to finding the love i deserve. I will seek out safe people and become a safe person as well
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- California Vegan
- 06-09-11
Be Forewarned!
Although much of the information is valid, it is all delivered through scripture and religious dogma. For those of us whose main goal in life is to be ???good Christians??? this book is a little hard to get through. Bottom line: Highly ???spiritual??? Christians are good. All others, including those claiming to be ???religious??? Christians are bad.
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- ria
- 10-02-12
excellent for learning about yourself and others
Where does Safe People rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
I have listened to many audiobooks for learning about myself and others, this is by far up there with my top 3
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- krista
- 05-28-13
Great insight with helpful action steps.
Where does Safe People rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
This is one of the most helpful self-help audiobooks I've listened to.
What was one of the most memorable moments of Safe People?
“When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You don't have to respond, but I'd like something from you. This frees the other person to connect with you freely and without obligation. When we own that our needs are our responsibility we allow others to love us because we have something to offer. Asking is a far cry from demanding. When we demand love, we destroy it.”
How did the narrator detract from the book?
The narrator's over-dramatization and use of different voices (most of which sounded like they were drunk or derranged) for every little case example was odd for a self-help book. It was a little distracting and very perplexing but did not ruin the book.
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
No- too much to absorb in one sitting.
Any additional comments?
This is from a Christian perspective but still has valuable insight to offer a non-Christian.
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- lbmellman
- 01-08-16
Depressing
This book had me so depressed, halfway through I had to go listen to Wayne Dyer's books for inspiration and to pull me out of my funk! In addition, the narrator came across as condescending and patronizing.
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- Rebecca
- 03-07-12
Very biblical
Would you try another book from Henry Cloud and John Townsend and/or Dick Fredricks?
No.
Has Safe People turned you off from other books in this genre?
No.
How could the performance have been better?
n/a
If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from Safe People?
The description of book should have at least noted that this book is based on the bible.
Any additional comments?
I can't believe the description of the book omitted the fact that this book is heavily based on the bible.
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- Kyle
- 10-19-13
Full Disclosure: This is a Very Christian Book
I got this book on the recommendation of a friend without really reading the description. I did not know quite how Christian this book was before I bought it. I think many of the insights in the book are valuable, but the authors seem to assume you are enthusiastically Christian to begin with. As a non-christian, I found the constant Bible references, moral certainties, and ad librem assertions to distract from the self-help value of the book. Caveat Emptor.
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- Jamie Jones
- 01-25-19
Homophobic
I knew this book was based and Christianity, but I didn’t realize that it was going to be homophobic. I had to stop listening after the book claimed that homosexuality was a social ill.
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9 people found this helpful