Secure Love

Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

By: Julie Menanno

Narrated by: Julie Menanno

Create a lasting and loving attachment with this national bestseller, a “must-read for every couple, at any stage of their relationship” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) from the expert couple’s therapist behind the popular Instagram account @TheSecureRelationship.

What does a healthy relationship look like?

A good question, in theory, but couple’s therapist Julie Menanno wants you to consider: what does a securely attached relationship feel like?

The answer to this question is the ultimate goal in Secure Love, an “incredibly wise and helpful guide” (Jen Sincero, New York Times bestselling author of You Are a Badass) to understanding secure attachment in adult relationships. While attachment theory has grown in popularity to explain the relationship between children and their caregivers, it’s also the closest science has come to making sense of our adult romantic connections.

In this book Julie Menanno, the expert behind the popular Instagram account @TheSecureRelationship, tackles:
-Why you and your partner have the same fight over and over (hint: it’s called a negative cycle, and underlying every fight, argument, silent treatment, or passive-aggressive comment is an unmet attachment need).
-“Instead of that, say this” suggested scripts of how to approach difficult situations in your relationship more effectively.
-The four attachment types, with exercises to understand you and your partner’s attachment style.
-How to improve communication, including staying connected during conflict by prioritizing vulnerability rather than protecting yourself.
-Why insecure attachment negatively impacts a couple’s sex life and how to ignite that sexual connection.

Secure Love is a crash course in understanding how you show up in a relationship and guides you on getting out of negative cycles to find safety in one another. In doing so, “you’ll be armed with eternal wisdom for strengthening your relationship” (Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples and bestselling author of Hold Me Tight) and establish a secure attachment with your partner to create the bond you’ve been longing for.

©2024 Julie Menanno (P)2024 Simon & Schuster Audio

Just What I Needed

Grateful for this read at this time in my life.

I feel like my wife and I have a great relationship already - but I always struggled with “am I loving enough” and “what is love?”

I now have tools to be more in control of triggers and we can have much better conversations and solve things together.

Thanks for this, it was all I needed!

Amazing

So much hope and this book acknowledges neurodivergence
Real examples of how to communicate differently

Lots of great info

A wealth of info for healing a struggling relationship. Delves into Attachment styles, communication techniques, reversing negative cycles, etc. Highly recommend!

Thoughtful & challenging & helpful.

Julie seems wise and also offers good suggestions without blame or shame. I love that she read her book…authentic.

I Have Hope for Healing

As a psychologist these concepts are not foreign; however, it’s so challenging to practice them when it’s your own relationship. This book helped me feel seen and gave me tangible tools for how to continue my growth journey, with the hope that my partner will as well. I’m appreciate of the language. It’s improved my discourse and ability to name my attachment needs.

Above anyone can benefit from

This book provides great insight into how couples/people in any relationship interact and how they can move toward improved communication by making small conscious changes to the way they approach/ respond to situations.
I've been recommending it to everyone!

Loaded with valuable information!

This book should be mandatory for all!! She breaks down the attachment styles to make it easy to understand and follow. Very well-written, helpful, and the narration is great.

Clear explanations and actionable content

The author’s emphasis on progress, not perfection, and her respect for both “sides” and their concerns is really helpful. 

Know your attachment style

Top takeaways

TO FEEL CLOSE TO YOU I NEED…
THE GOAL IS TO LEARN TO STAY CONNECTED DURING DISAGREEMENTS
Provide comfort over advice
Conflict leading to being heard
Triggers set off unconscious emotions of primal protection
WHEN TRIGGERED, PAUSE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO SEE WHY YOUR TRIGGERED (what feeling) AND WHAT IT IS YOU DESIRE SO YOU MAY RESPOND AND NOT REACT
When anger is heard and validated, it no longer has to fight to be seen.

Solid and thorough book on attachment & relationships.

I really loved this book. Julie is thorough, knowledgeable, compassionate and clear about attachment and relationships. I am looking forward to using this in my own relationships and with my clients.