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Publisher's Summary

In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.

I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly. The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders: these are the stars of Klausner's memoir about how hard it is to find a man - good or otherwise - when you're a cynical grown-up exiled in the dregs of Guyville.

Off the popularity of her New York Times "Modern Love" piece about getting the brush-off from an indie rock musician, I Don't Care about Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner's precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who's ever been on a date will relate to. Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist-deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer (Best Week Ever, "TV Funhouse" on SNL) and sketch comedian from NYC's Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, "What? That sounds crazy? Okay, I'll do it."

I Don't Care about Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong-willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it's her job, but who's done with guys who know more about love songs than love. Klausner's is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20s doing personal field research to back up her philosophies. This is the girl's version of High Fidelity.

By turns explicit, funny, and moving, Klausner's debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real- world wisdom on matters of the heart. I Don't Care about Your Band is Julie Klausner's manifesto, and every one of us can relate.

©2010 Julie Klausner (P)2012 Audible, Inc.

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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  • 3.8 out of 5.0
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  • Overall
  • Performance
  • Story

I laughed, I cried laughing, I barfed

I’m not sure if it is the colorful use of language that gets me on this or the raw tell it like it was story that compelled me to suck in every word. I have recommend this to both my friends at the risk of them asking “are you taking non-prescription drugs?” and have adopted some of the terms Julie uses as my own. (I think I only need to credit the author twice in conversations, that’s right isn’t it?) There are important messages for a blossoming young woman buried beneath the hilarious commentary. I give this book 10/10 rubber chickens and say well done Julie you are actually pretty funny!

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  • Lacie
  • Cedar Rapids, IA, United States
  • 01-29-13

Glad I gave it a shot!

What did you love best about I Don’t Care about Your Band?

I liked the anecdotes. The stories were cohesive, relevant and nostalgic. I don't think I stopped the audiobook once I pressed Play.

What did you like best about this story?

Talking about her connection to Miss Piggy.

Have you listened to any of Julie Klausner’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

I have not.

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

I have laughed in places, but I couldn't point to any specific passage. The story is more of one that makes me think that my life isn't the greatest, but it isn't so bad, either.

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Fabulous! Could not put down

Brazenly honest and hysterically funny.

Bravo! This book speaks to so many truths (women) we are not allowed to admit. One of the most entertaining and touching books I have read. Thank you.

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  • Oz
  • Toronto, Ontario, Canada
  • 01-14-13

Possibly better than the book itself...

Would you listen to I Don’t Care about Your Band again? Why?

Totally! I came to Julie Klausner through her podcast, which starts with a witty and insightful monologue. In a way, this book feels like her very best and funniest monologues playing one after the other after the other.

What does Julie Klausner bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

I read the book a year or so ago, and enjoyed it to be sure, but her writing is so polished that it almost didn't seem as personal or something. Sort of the way David Sedaris' stories are so sublime but because they are so well told, you lose the sense of his participation in those events. But her reading of her own material about her own life had such feeling behind it. You realize that not only has she crafted a great telling of a story, but she's lived these events too.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes and I very nearly did.

Any additional comments?

I want another ten books from Miss Klausner at her convenience

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  • Elin
  • Malmoe, Sweden
  • 01-11-13

Seriously funny!

Any additional comments?

This is such a true story it almost hurts - yet feels so good at the same time. I know so many women who can relate, including myself, and it's an amazing achievement to manage to write about sex and still make it fresh, true, and relevant. Bravo. More funny, awkward, feminist shit like this, pleeeease!

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  • Elisa
  • Hong Kong, Hong Kong
  • 01-11-13

i don't know what to say

Any additional comments?

i first downloaded this to get a few laughs. And in the beginning, I wasn't too disappointed. <br/><br/>Then, it changed. I was hoping for wild mishap dating experiences, and instead, I got long rants on how bad the guys were. I couldn't finish it.

2 of 4 people found this review helpful

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  • Susie
  • Santa Cruz, CA, United States
  • 01-03-13

Catnip for the Dating Disaster Set

This is a memoir to take to bed and not get up 'til you've heard the the very end.

Poor Julie dated too many jerks in sensitive sheep's clothing— but my god, they provided her a wealth of material: the long-distance internet crushes, the BF fixated on a threesome, and Colin, the vegan, who only liked the taste of his own semen.

This book is pure porn for people who delight in dating disaster stories (who, me?).

1 of 3 people found this review helpful

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Painfully Honest and Funny

Listening to this book made me grateful I'm married, because most of the guys Klausner dated seem like creeps and/or weirdos. I appreciated her honesty as she talked about sexual positions, sexual kinks, sexual diseases, and other topics most people keep private. While I didn't agree with some of Klausner's choices in life, I found her entertaining and funny and rooted for her to find a good guy or at least to stop sleeping with the bad ones.

0 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Beverly
  • Flovilla, Georgia, United States
  • 05-31-13

Still Laughing!

Okay, I didn't know what to expect when I bought this book, so I just took a chance. In the beginning, I thought, hmm, not sure about this book. But after a couple of chapters, I was totally laughing out loud! I would listen in my car on my way to work and have tears of laughter rolling down my face. Then when at work, I would share bits of the book with my friends and force them to listen to parts of it at lunch. The humor is so similar to that shared by my friends and me.
I also loved that the author reads this book. Usually I don't like author read books, but this time, hearing her story in her voice made all the difference.
Now, I cannot stress this enough, if you are a prude in any way, do not listen to this book, it will surely offend you. But if you roll with the punches and enjoy true and honest tales that are told with brilliant humor, you will love this book.

0 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Very Funny

This is a wonderful listen. I love when audiobooks are read by the authors, if done well, and in this case Julie Klausner does a beautiful job of narrating. She is so funny-- I have told all my friends to read it. Definitely a girl's book though. It really spoke to me, I could relate to SO many of her sentiments on dating. I will probably listen again at some point!!

0 of 1 people found this review helpful