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Publisher's Summary

In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.

I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly. The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders: these are the stars of Klausner's memoir about how hard it is to find a man - good or otherwise - when you're a cynical grown-up exiled in the dregs of Guyville.

Off the popularity of her New York Times "Modern Love" piece about getting the brush-off from an indie rock musician, I Don't Care about Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner's precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who's ever been on a date will relate to. Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist-deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer (Best Week Ever, "TV Funhouse" on SNL) and sketch comedian from NYC's Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, "What? That sounds crazy? Okay, I'll do it."

I Don't Care about Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong-willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it's her job, but who's done with guys who know more about love songs than love. Klausner's is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20s doing personal field research to back up her philosophies. This is the girl's version of High Fidelity.

By turns explicit, funny, and moving, Klausner's debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real- world wisdom on matters of the heart. I Don't Care about Your Band is Julie Klausner's manifesto, and every one of us can relate.

©2010 Julie Klausner (P)2012 Audible, Inc.

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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  • Overall
  • Performance
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A wandering of experiences. I'm OK is OK.

Her perspectives here are wonderful. listening to this is a chance to peek inside her head during moments that as a man I have only seen from the outside looking in the window.

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Funny and relatable

I found a lot of the guys she had in her life resembled the ones that kept showing up in mine. Her depiction of what 20's are like is an exact replica of some of our lives. Moving into the 30's feels remarkably different and towards the end of the book you start to realize this part is natural and all the crap you have gone through is a beautiful piece of the experience. Bravo :)

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Inspiring, Hilarious Tale of Resilence

I loved this. Julie Klausner is hilarious and I loved hearing her read it. I would recommend it to any girl, especially in your 20s in NYC. Guys should read it if they need help with empathy. Gays will enjoy. It is what I expected but didn't get from HBO Girls.. Just real, relatable stories and why they shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself. Also some great Broadway references, Klausner has a real penchant for little orphan Annie. I have a few unfinished books and completed this in like three days. Also it's going to be a movie!!

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LOVED IT

Julie's reading of her book transcends all other audiobook experiences I've had. It was the best, and it felt like one of those long phone calls you have with a best friend, where hours go by and you don't even notice because you're too busy laughing and feeling emotional and laughing again.

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  • Mr
  • 04-18-15

The way is the destination

I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy this one. Julie Klausner's unique charm and wit seeps through each interesting and funny tale. I listen to the HWYW podcast so I already enjoy her style, but there is so much that is relatable here it's hard not to chuckle and enjoy.

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Chauvinistic and Homophobic

What would have made I Don’t Care about Your Band better?

The author begins the book with, "I love men so much that I've never once considered what it would be like to take a break from dating them or to focus my mind on other things besides falling in love with one or to look for work in a field that is more female dominated or anything else lesbians suggest you do after a guy breaks your heart".

The author categorizes any woman who doesn't make dating a priority as a "lesbian" and then speaks about lesbians as if they are evil doers trying to pry women away from men.

What could Julie Klausner have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?

Nothing.

How could the performance have been better?

If she would have choked during the first few minutes of reading it.

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

No.

Any additional comments?

Don't waste your time or money.

1 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • Story
  • lisa
  • San Francisco, CA, United States
  • 11-04-13

Bitter Girl Bitches Loud and Hard!

Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

At the beginning I thought I would, and I enjoyed myself until about chapter 5 or 6. After that point, I realized that Julie Klausner would be A LOT funnier and her stories would be much more compelling if she weren't such a one-way BITCH! No, I would not recommend this book to my friends because it was a tiresome account of what was wrong with everyone JK dated (or tried to date) with very little, if any, empathy for these characters; A woe-is-me type tale of all the ways she is smarter than and better than the men she sets herself up for. This, of course, being her one downfall. POOOOR Julie! Uggghhh.

Would you ever listen to anything by Julie Klausner again?

She read well, but I was so irritated by her superiority complex only loosely masked by the theme of "oh, look what losers I choose" that I could barely finish this one.

Could you see I Don’t Care about Your Band being made into a movie or a TV series? Who should the stars be?

No!

Any additional comments?

JK is obviously bright and some of these stories *might* be funny if told differently. They are not really that crazy and none of them are that raunchy except for her language choices. (which don't offend me by any means- it's just funny to see what she says to get a reaction from readers/listeners). She has to try pretty hard to make most of the stories interesting, honestly. I know a ton of women who have much funnier, more interesting, dirtier dating stories... whatever you want. These stories just don't go anywhere!!! She dates boring or "loser-ish" guys and by and large, most of them don't like her that much. The problem is that she is so unbelievably mean, rude and unsympathetic to the characters she describes in her re-telling of the events. Who wants to hear 6 hours of a bitch fest from a girl that needs to do some soul searching before she does more writing? Please, Julie... If you can't have more empathy with your characters before you write about them... let alone (fuck) them or (blow) them, then think about how your poor parents must feel listening to this.

2 of 4 people found this review helpful

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  • Yin
  • København NV, Denmark
  • 04-04-13

Julie Klausner is not shy and it's hilarious!

I absolutely loved this book! I think once I got used to Julie Klausner's talk about sex, sex and sex, things got really interesting and I was hooked! I don't remember ever being bored and her narration was filled with the right amount of energy that it felt like she was casually telling you about her life. I would like to say that the story was more about her sex life than I expected without any details left out. If you don't like profanity and swearwords this book may not be so entertaining for you but I loved it.

For the record I have no idea who she is, I just thought the story seemed fascinating and her narrating good. However, sometimes I would remind myself that the people she talk about are real and not fictional characters. She is pretty ruthless about them and at times very rude! But nevertheless I was very entertained and don't regret purchasing it at all.

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  • Amy
  • HARRISBURG, NC, United States
  • 02-03-13

Not for the faint of heart

If you are easily offended by swear words and raunchy, explicit sex talk, this book is not for you. Maybe I am a little too old to be reading this (mid-forties). I just thought it would be funnier than it was. Did not find it laugh out loud funny. I found her stories to be more pathetic than anything.

4 of 8 people found this review helpful

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I'm too old for this story....

Would you try another book from Julie Klausner and/or Julie Klausner?

Mabye

Would you ever listen to anything by Julie Klausner again?

She reads well. I'm sure she can tell a good story.

Have you listened to any of Julie Klausner’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

No

If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from I Don’t Care about Your Band?

The vulgar parts.

Any additional comments?

I think it's a generational thing. I don't relate to this particualr context. Maybe the 25 to 35 would relate better. Also, if I wanted to hear the vulgar words to describe the acts of sex, I would have read erotica. I just cringed when out of nowhere I'd get hit by something