I Don’t Care about Your Band

What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated

By: Julie Klausner

Narrated by: Julie Klausner

Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins

Publisher's summary

In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.

I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly. The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders: these are the stars of Klausner's memoir about how hard it is to find a man - good or otherwise - when you're a cynical grown-up exiled in the dregs of Guyville.

Off the popularity of her New York Times "Modern Love" piece about getting the brush-off from an indie rock musician, I Don't Care about Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner's precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who's ever been on a date will relate to. Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist-deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer (Best Week Ever, "TV Funhouse" on SNL) and sketch comedian from NYC's Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, "What? That sounds crazy? Okay, I'll do it."

I Don't Care about Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong-willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it's her job, but who's done with guys who know more about love songs than love. Klausner's is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20s doing personal field research to back up her philosophies. This is the girl's version of High Fidelity.

By turns explicit, funny, and moving, Klausner's debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real- world wisdom on matters of the heart. I Don't Care about Your Band is Julie Klausner's manifesto, and every one of us can relate.

©2010 Julie Klausner (P)2012 Audible, Inc.

excellent, relatable, funny

would definitely recommend this hilarious, relatable and well read book. will listen to it again

I Don't Care About How Much You Hate Men

No one can argue that Julie Klausner is an intelligent, extremely gifted, clever lady with anecdotes for days about her dating follies, or should I say foibles. Having my own series of comical dating missteps, there were plenty of times throughout this book that I could completely identify and I laughed heartily at her sassy quips. But then, she takes unexpected turns down dark alleys and gets reeeealllllly candid; it gets twisted and uncomfortable and I can't wait until she redirects out of her hate rant. Hey, I have horror stories too, but hers seem out of place in this mostly comedic account of her dating life. Sometimes it is downright painful to listen to the jabs she takes at her (likely unwitting) suitors, but more troubling is comprehending the self-inflicted jeopardy she routinely deposited herself in. I guess I appreciate her utter honesty, but I can't decide if all of it should have been contained in one book; it can be jarring. The thing that bugged me the most was her abhor and contempt for the men she loved so quickly, and then turned on like a viper when things didn't work out quite like she planned. She was such a WILLING victim, I feel a good portion of the poop soup was made with her own hands. At the end of the day, love is worth it, if you stop picking the low-hanging fruit and realize you can reach for more.

Fabulous! Could not put down

Brazenly honest and hysterically funny.

Bravo! This book speaks to so many truths (women) we are not allowed to admit. One of the most entertaining and touching books I have read. Thank you.

LOVED IT

Julie's reading of her book transcends all other audiobook experiences I've had. It was the best, and it felt like one of those long phone calls you have with a best friend, where hours go by and you don't even notice because you're too busy laughing and feeling emotional and laughing again.

Seriously funny!

Any additional comments?

This is such a true story it almost hurts - yet feels so good at the same time. I know so many women who can relate, including myself, and it's an amazing achievement to manage to write about sex and still make it fresh, true, and relevant. Bravo. More funny, awkward, feminist shit like this, pleeeease!

Bitter Girl Bitches Loud and Hard!

Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

At the beginning I thought I would, and I enjoyed myself until about chapter 5 or 6. After that point, I realized that Julie Klausner would be A LOT funnier and her stories would be much more compelling if she weren't such a one-way BITCH! No, I would not recommend this book to my friends because it was a tiresome account of what was wrong with everyone JK dated (or tried to date) with very little, if any, empathy for these characters; A woe-is-me type tale of all the ways she is smarter than and better than the men she sets herself up for. This, of course, being her one downfall. POOOOR Julie! Uggghhh.

Would you ever listen to anything by Julie Klausner again?

She read well, but I was so irritated by her superiority complex only loosely masked by the theme of "oh, look what losers I choose" that I could barely finish this one.

Could you see I Don’t Care about Your Band being made into a movie or a TV series? Who should the stars be?

No!

Any additional comments?

JK is obviously bright and some of these stories *might* be funny if told differently. They are not really that crazy and none of them are that raunchy except for her language choices. (which don't offend me by any means- it's just funny to see what she says to get a reaction from readers/listeners). She has to try pretty hard to make most of the stories interesting, honestly. I know a ton of women who have much funnier, more interesting, dirtier dating stories... whatever you want. These stories just don't go anywhere!!! She dates boring or "loser-ish" guys and by and large, most of them don't like her that much. The problem is that she is so unbelievably mean, rude and unsympathetic to the characters she describes in her re-telling of the events. Who wants to hear 6 hours of a bitch fest from a girl that needs to do some soul searching before she does more writing? Please, Julie... If you can't have more empathy with your characters before you write about them... let alone (fuck) them or (blow) them, then think about how your poor parents must feel listening to this.

Possibly better than the book itself...

Would you listen to I Don’t Care about Your Band again? Why?

Totally! I came to Julie Klausner through her podcast, which starts with a witty and insightful monologue. In a way, this book feels like her very best and funniest monologues playing one after the other after the other.

What does Julie Klausner bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

I read the book a year or so ago, and enjoyed it to be sure, but her writing is so polished that it almost didn't seem as personal or something. Sort of the way David Sedaris' stories are so sublime but because they are so well told, you lose the sense of his participation in those events. But her reading of her own material about her own life had such feeling behind it. You realize that not only has she crafted a great telling of a story, but she's lived these events too.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes and I very nearly did.

Any additional comments?

I want another ten books from Miss Klausner at her convenience

I laughed, I cried laughing, I barfed

I’m not sure if it is the colorful use of language that gets me on this or the raw tell it like it was story that compelled me to suck in every word. I have recommend this to both my friends at the risk of them asking “are you taking non-prescription drugs?” and have adopted some of the terms Julie uses as my own. (I think I only need to credit the author twice in conversations, that’s right isn’t it?) There are important messages for a blossoming young woman buried beneath the hilarious commentary. I give this book 10/10 rubber chickens and say well done Julie you are actually pretty funny!

Freakin' Hilarious!!

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

I'd definitely recommend this book to any world-weary single friends exhausted from the frustrating front lines of dating.

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

Laugh - I also really loved her Gen X pop culture references. Makes you feel as if she's talking to you directly.

Any additional comments?

I will definitely subscribe to her iTunes podcast-she's funny, honest, intelligent and cool.

And I’m a dude

This book was awesome. Wonderful to get the perspective of a lady on just what douchbags guys can be.

Excellently written and superbly performed.