Not Nice

Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, and Unapologetically Being Yourself

By: Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD

Narrated by: Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD

Are you too nice?

If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say "no" to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness.

In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you.

You'll discover how to:

• Easily say "no" when you want to and need to
• Confidently and effectively ask for what you want
• Speak up more freely in all your relationships
• Eliminate feelings of guilt, anxiety, and worry about what others will think

©2017 Dr. Aziz Gazipura, PsyD (P)2017 Dr. Aziz Gazipura, PsyD

Changed my life forever

You know its gonna be a good review whenever you see "I USUALLY DONT LEAVE REVIEWS BUT..."
Well this is one of those.

How was this book?
Short answer: Life-changing

Long answer: I've struggled with people pleasing, anxiety, low self esteem, and stuttering my whole life. I wanted to please everyone. Say yes to everyone. Say yes to nobody. Everybody else came before me. Someone asks me to help them move? HOW could I POSSIBLE say no? Because if I say no, then they won't like me any more right?
This is such a poisonous mindset, and this book REALLY elaborates on that.
In the first chapter, he tells you that his goal is for you to eventually see the term "Nice guy" and think of that as a terrible disgusting thing that you would never ever want to be. His goal was definitely accomplished by the end of that book. I was the biggest nice-guy/push-over that I knew. Everywhere. Work, school, relationships, you name it.
I have been completely transformed.
I see the words "nice-guy" and it induces nausea and repulsion. Ok maybe not to that extent. But I definitely don't see "nice-guy" the same as I used to. Not at all.

I can honestly say without a doubt, that I am now the MOST assertive person I know, and I mean that with all the honesty in my heart. I feel powerful, in control, less anxious, happier, and I even stutter less lol.
This book gives you a new pair of eyes that you can never close. You see things you never saw before. You realize just how much people apologize for ANYTHING that doesn't warrant an apology.

Example #1:
-I accidentally brush up against someones shoulder while walking in a hallway-

Old me: Sorry about that

New me: *silence*

What the hell do I have to apologize about? I didn't do ANYTHING wrong.

Example #2:
-A friend asks me to help them move-

Old me: I would love to! and you know I would! its just [I am now lying...] its just I have to take care of this thing at 5pm and I can't push it back any further.. Man this sucks, because I totally would help you move, I just can't today.

New me: I'll pass actually, I'm tired and I really just wanted to relax today.

This is now how I actually respond to requests like this.

I never thought I could be capable of being so assertive, confident, and in control. I used to come across obviously assertive people and be jealous, even resentful toward them because I wished I could be like them. I wished I could have their confidence.
I now consider myself to be more assertive than the most assertive person I've ever met. Those people who I used to be jealous of? I don't consider them to be as assertive as I am now. My family and friends notice that radical change. I make saying no look easy.
And it is honestly VERY easy now. I now say no to people with no guilt. This book teaches you how to do that.

BUT WARNING:
The steps in becoming this way are VERY uncomfortable at first. Dr.Aziz gives you all the steps you need and outlines all the exercises for you, but you HAVE to do them in order to change. There's no other way. You can't just read this book and become transformed. Not gonna happen.
The only way to become the assertive person that you want to be is by DOING it. Follow the steps. They are SO UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST. But it really does get easier with time.
The first exercise, when I did it, I was so incredibly uncomfortable I wanted to hide lol. Now looking back, doing that exercise again seems effortless to me now.
But that's just the thing, you NEED to be willing to go through the discomfort. If you're not willing to do that, don't by this book. Honestly. But if you're willing to go through the discomfort, this book will absolutely change your life forever.

This book as made me incredibly assertive, REALLY spiked my confidence, lowered my anxiety, and even lessened my stuttering. And it goes away more and more every day.

If there is one thing in my entire life I could change, it would be reading this book much earlier in my life.

Better than excellent!

I never leave reviews, but this goes to show you what a great impact this book had on me .

Very good, I learned a lot from this book, more so than any other book I've ever read.

I even created my Bill of Rights and I live by those. it is my great pleasure to recommend this book and its author.

Do a factory reset & get rid of the nice shackles!

I loved the content of this book! A lot of details on our conditioning to become nice and how the environmental pressures start taking us to not be ourselves under the notion of you are not nice! Soon enough we start becoming timid because we don’t want to be perceived as not nice or a-holes.

It’s also very actionable. I listened to the audio book (read by author) and he was so persistent about pausing the audio and writing some things down. Which I personally liked because I often say later and later never comes. Writing down stuff helps with witnessing some serious transformations. Thanks Aziz Gazipura

All in all we are definitely being manipulated on daily basis under the magical spell of BE NICE and NOT NICE book is a legitimate way to break the spell

My key take aways:

1- You are not responsible for other people’s feelings.
This was like WOW! I am personally a very empathic person and would usually care that other people are feeling great in my presence. However this resonated with me because people’s choices to feel good or bad is like I said A CHOICE, that I have nothing to do with.

2- Being nice is definitely not being authentic
All those hangouts we did not want to attend and the amount of things we say yes to but secretly feel resentful about are mere signs that we are NOT GENUINE with our true needs and wants.
We just want to be nice so agree to things against our personal interests.

3- Voice your concerns openly and clearly.
It is not as bad as you think. As long as you are being objective and not personally attacking people, you will be fine. Voice disappointment, don’t let people INTERRUPT you -all those golden rules about conversational etiquette are rarely followed and people will interrupt you at work, school and personal life.
So if you feel you need to say something then firmly and objectively say it. e.g.:
I am not done yet with my point. Let me finish and then you can speak.


4- What people think of you does not concern you.

People will always have something to say about you. Even if you are the nicest person on earth (nice people already know this!)
A good example is how kids just say what’s on their minds. They simply blurb stories mid way and start talking with enthusiasm about absolutely none-sense with no censorship nor concern about what you MIGHT think of them or their story! They just assume you will like it because they genuinely like it themselves.

P.S. At the end of the book there is a 30 day boot camp that give you a small daily task to BREAK FREE of your NICE PROGRAMMING.

Great book...and no I'm not being nice ;)

I really related to this book, the stories and the questions he asks. Even if you have more confidence than you think, this is a good book to fine tune it. This book is out people pleasers, people that worry about others opinions, people that struggle with saying no, anxiety about being perfect, and those who say"I'm sorry" all the time. I will definitely be reading it again.

Really life changing

I haven’t even finished the book and I feel like it has helped me set my boundaries substantially.