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Publisher's Summary

As one of America's hottest female comedians, Lisa Lampanelli has earned critical acclaim across the country for her no-holds-barred style and ability to make people laugh at their own stereotypes and differences.

Now, from the gutter-mouth comedienne who "talks like a truck driver but resembles a '50s housewife" (New York Times) comes her over-the-top, laugh-out-loud memoir, Chocolate, Please.

Often described as "a cross between Don Rickles, Archie Bunker, and a vial of estrogen", Lampanelli has an opinion on every subject under the sun, and she happily dishes on nearly everything - from why all white women should date black men, to the virtues of codependency, to how to turn a stick of butter into parental love and attention - and offers her dangerously hilarious "Rules to Live By", delightedly skewering all topics with equal fervor, herself included.

©2009 Lisa Lampanelli; (P)2009 Simon & Schuster

Critic Reviews

"Lisa is the most outrageous comic we have ever had on the Tonight Show." (Jay Leno )
"Every generation has a female comic that destroys the conventional wisdom that only men can be raunchy and funny. Lisa Lampanelli is this generation's choice." (Carlos Mencia )

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

Overall

  • 3.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    26
  • 4 Stars
    21
  • 3 Stars
    15
  • 2 Stars
    6
  • 1 Stars
    10

Performance

  • 4 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    22
  • 4 Stars
    8
  • 3 Stars
    3
  • 2 Stars
    3
  • 1 Stars
    4

Story

  • 3.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    14
  • 4 Stars
    11
  • 3 Stars
    7
  • 2 Stars
    4
  • 1 Stars
    4
Sort by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Sarah
  • Chesterfield, MO, USA
  • 12-07-09

pretty much awesome

It's hilarious and worth every dime and minute spent.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Keith
  • Springfield, MO, United States
  • 11-17-09

Just Like a Sitdown with LL!

This is just like watching Lisa's show and then going backstage with her and talking about her life and loves. She gets a bit serious and then she sets you up and punches you in the funny bone!! This book made me laugh out loud more than any I have listened to this year. If you have a stick in your proverbial or can't take a joke, pass this one on. If you love Lisa and can laugh at yourself and everyone you know, this audiobook is a must-have. Hearing her majesty, The Loveable Queen Of Mean, read this book is worth the price of the book alone!!

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Closer my Lisa to thee

Lisa delivers a funny, saucy, raunchy, bitchy performance; wonderful! My only qualm was the final chapter of jokes, which were fine but went on too long; I like a story, not a bunch of nibbles. I would listen to another good story from Lisa in a snap.

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

It had promise...

Would you try another book from Lisa Lampanelli and/or Lisa Lampanelli?

Probably not.

Any additional comments?

The first time I listened to this book, I did really enjoy it. I like LL, and I was interested in her story. The problem is that this book seems to want to be two things at once. Repeat listening brings this problem out more. It wants to be an autobiography. It wants to be a funny book. I succeeds in neither. Her stories about her past, her feelings, and her struggles (along with her triumphs) seem to be snapshots. They seem to be too short and brought down by seemingly sudden jokes. It is like she was too afraid to have a full story without some sort of blue comment. She even sounds like she is forcing the joke, rather than the story genuinly leading to one (or benefiting from one).

Overall, it was a complete miss for me.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Daniel
  • SOUTH EL MONTE, CA, United States
  • 04-23-13

The making of the Lovable Queen of Mean

Would you consider the audio edition of Chocolate, Please to be better than the print version?

One hundred perscent yes! Just having Lisa reading it makes it a must buy

What was one of the most memorable moments of Chocolate, Please?

The insight given on the Comedy Roasts

What about Lisa Lampanelli’s performance did you like?

Her humor

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

Realizing that it is not all glamorous, as she looks on her TV specials. She is just as much a human being as any one of us.

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Waste of a Credit

I love LL, but this was awful. Her narration seemed odd. I guess I am so used to listening to her standup that this felt like she was reading from a teleprompter. It wasn't funny. There were a couple of times I smiled, but it was rare. I stopped listening after the first chapter because I couldn't take any more. Maybe it got better after that--I couldn't stand to find out.

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Brighyehn
  • Evergreen, AL, United States
  • 05-28-11

[Though not funny, insightful into her life.]

Well, I believe that this book wasn't wrote to make the audience laugh.. but more to make the audience have a deeper insight into Lisa Lamp's life. She talks a lot about how crazy she is which I didn't find too funny. Her wit is intertwined with her story, but something that would make one smile instead of *LAUGH OUT LOUD.* Though I believe that this isn't a GREAT book, I believe it is a GOOD book. So, basically, buy it if you just REALLY love Lamp and want to know a little about her... But DONT buy it if you just want to "bust out laughing." If you want to "bust out laughing," I suggest Dear Vodka, It's Me Chelsea by Chelsea Handler... It's pretty funny.

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars

lousy

not funny...offensive. Don't waste you time or money

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Ellen
  • Middleton, WI, USA
  • 04-29-10

Tripe

This is a crass juvenile rant masquerading as adult humor. Lisa needs to take a leave of absence from her profession, study some of the great masters of humor and grow up. Absolutely do not waste your time or money on this book. A one star rating is too good for this rubbish.

1 of 2 people found this review helpful