Love Me Whole

By: Nicky James

Narrated by: Adam Gold

Length: 13 hrs and 27 mins

Publisher's Summary

Twenty-eight-year-old Oryn Patterson isn't like other people. Being an extremely shy social introvert is only part of the problem. Oryn has dissociative identity disorder. He may look like a normal man on the outside, but spend five minutes with him, and his daily struggles begin to show. 

Oryn shares his life and headspace with five distinctively different alters. Reed, a protective, very straight jock. Cohen, a flamboyantly gay 19-year-old who is a social butterfly. Cove, a self-destructive terror, whose past haunts him. Theo, an asexual man of little emotion, whose focus is on maintaining order. And Rain, a five-year-old child whose only concern is Batman. 

Vaughn Sinclair is stuck in a rut. When his job doesn't offer the same thrill it once did, he decides it's time to mix-up his stagnant, boring routine. Little does he know, the man he meets during an impromptu decision to return to college is anything but ordinary. 

Vaughn's heart defies logic, and he finds himself falling in love with this strange new man. But how can you love someone who isn't always themself? It may not be easy, but Vaughn is determined to try.

©2018 Nicky James (P)2019 Nicky James

Pieces of a whole

It took me three days to get through this book and despite the length, I would have binged and done it all in one day if I could have. I have listened and raved around Nicky James’ audiobooks before, and this one is one of my favourites. Possibly my new favourite.

As someone with a mental illness, I’ve struggled with loneliness and wondering if someone will ever want to be with me. When I met Oryn Patterson in this book, I ached for him. Twenty-eight years old and has never had a serious relationship – or any relationship – because of his illness. After all, who would want to take on one man with six distinct personalities – alters – and never know who is going to show up.

Vaughn Sinclair, thank God, is that man. He meets Oryn in a night class he’s taking. He’s thirty-five and restless, wanting to go back to school to liven up his life. He’s not expecting to meet a beguiling and hurting man, but he does. Over and over, Oryn warns Vaughn that a relationship won’t work yet over and over Vaughn finds more about Oryn to love. I’ll be honest, there were moments I though Vaughn was the one who needed to check himself. Loving someone with a mental illness is a challenge at the best of times, but when the person is in an active phase of their illness? Phew. My head spun as Oryn cycled through his alters.

I want to take a moment to congratulate Ms. James on such an accurate representation of mental illness. She took on the challenge of someone dying and dealing with the aftermath of that in No Regrets and Abel’s Journey, so I wasn’t surprised she’d take on another really tough subject. Accurate representations of mental illness are rare enough, but taking on an illness that is so misunderstood? Wow. Just…wow. I didn’t know better and recently went to see the movie Glass. The portrayal of the character with this illness was disturbing and horrifically inaccurate. Maybe it was good for storytelling, but it did nothing to increase awareness or understanding of the illness and its underlying causes. For the record, I did not enjoy the movie.

In this book, Oryn points out that most movies do not accurately represent dissociative identity disorder (D.I.D.). He’s right, of course. In daily discourse, multiple personality disorder is not portrayed accurately and those suffering from it are destined for horrific outcomes. Nicky’s book about death was tough, but it was a romance and I knew it was going to have a tragic ending – I was warned about that. I was also promised that the book was about hope and love. It was, so promise kept.

This book is also about hope and love. Once Vaughn decides he’s willing to risk himself and get involved with Oryn, he commits completely. I loved that. There were many very simple moments that were poignant for their normalcy. And then there were dramatic moments where things go sideways where I held my breath. Vaughn freely took on Oryn and his five alters, constantly educating himself. I thought Ms. James did a great job of developing each alter and engaging me as a reader. I always felt each portrayal was authentic and the characters were well-developed. I also felt Vaughn’s fatigue viscerally as he dealt with the changes Oryn underwent.

I got my romance and my happy ending, but wow, did these guys ever have to work for it. I liked that the ending was about living with mental illness and not trying to eradicate it. Many people who have mental illness face life-long struggles and if they are lucky enough to have a partner, that person has to be strong and supportive. That person needs to understand that someone with a mental illness doesn’t choose to be that way and that there are medical reasons for the illness. Vaughn’s open-mindedness and willingness to learn and adapt was commendable.

Finally, I want to give kudos to Adam Gold. Many books have multiple characters of various ages, but the challenge of this book is that six of those characters belong to one body. Mr. Gold’s portrayal of the complexity of Oryn’s character was amazing. I was able to move from each alter without losing the authenticity of the performance. He narrated Ms. James’ other books and they work really well together. I cannot say enough good things about this work and I highly recommend it.

✫✫ 4.5 Stars ✫✫

This was such a great story. I felt like the subject may not have been completely original but the way the author handled it was. I've listened to other books with this subject and NONE of they come even a little close to this. I would say it was a slow burn but honestly I really didn't feel like that to me. Usually I'm getting annoyed wondering when the slow burn will finally catch fire but with this one I was perfect. The story required it and I never even wanted to push it. These characters were so well written. Vaughn is an amazing guy, from page one I loved him and that love just grew with every chapter. Oryn was such a complex and damaged guy that it was amazing to see his transformation through out this book. I love that this book shows that everyone can find love and not everyone will run when they see your baggage. Beautiful love story. Seriously LISTEN TO THIS BOOK.

The narration was ok. I really enjoyed him for 90% of the characters but I'll be honest the voice he gave Cohen was awful. Cohen was supposed to have a lisp but instead he sounded like a grown man doing baby talk and that is so sad because I know Cohen was meant to make me fall in love too but I just couldn't because the voice annoyed me :( But considering the narrator had to do 6+ male voices, I guess 5 great voices deserves applause!

The issue I has with the Audiobook is the "sound effects" Every time Vaughn was talking in his own head the voice was echoing like he was on the phone or something. It was very very annoying and Yanked me out of the story every time it happened. I guess it wasn't so bad I stopped listening but I did considerate a few times in the beginning.

review

This book about a very misunderstood and haunting mental disorder is unusual for a love story. However, the author goes above and beyond to delve into the details and complications of Oryn's life and the love that came into his life and managed to stay with him.

It is written in vivid language that does not become entangled in medical lingo and by no means simple.

I hope the author continues to delve into subject matters of this nature.

A raw, emotional, gritty, gripping and heartbreaking read!

Wow!! This book is amazing! It is such a heartbreaking and emotional listen. I binged listened to this book in one day and couldn't get enough of it. Oryn is such a beautiful and complex character. I loved how the author skillfully projected every layer of his personality. Unraveling the broken man beneath them all. It was interesting to see how Vaughn was so determined to help and make sense of Oryn's condition. This book was a winner to me because I loved how the author handled Oryn's mental health issues but didn't make it the main focus. The characters are engaging, very well fleshed out and compelling. Adam Gold's audio delivery was phenomenal in this one. All the stars!!!

This is a different treasure...

Nicky, a difficult subject, and one that is fascinating without doubt. Your development of the story and characters was more than intriguing to me. I found myself bogged down a few times, but it didn't last long. I think your insight into this subject matter is admirable and your effort to convey it in a true light is done very well.

Adam, Bravo Sir. This was a major challenge for anyone and you came up to the plate without question!

Listener, I say go for it. It's different. It's quality writing and narration, but as is true with everything, you just have to see if this one is for you. I liked it. I will find this author again. A different kind of treasure...

An Amazing Story of Hope and Love

I happened to notice a review of this book and decided it might be worth a read/listen. I am so glad I did. This unique story of a young man with Dissociative Identity Disorder and his five other separate identities is really unlike anything I have ever read. You get to know each of the other identities and understand why they are who they are. This is a story which is sometimes a wee bit heartbreaking but is always filled with the unconditional love one man has for another man with DID. I read a lot of books and this is by far one of the best books I have read/listened to in years.
What makes this read perfect is the narrator/performer Adam Gold. He is most certainly one of the best performers in this business and I am amazed at his range of voices. Absolutely spot on. I can not wait to read other books by the author as well as other books performed by this truly gifted narrator/performer.

An all time favorite relisten

*audio*. Relisten was almost better than the first time! I just love this story and how good it is, it’s just so beautiful. Everyone deserves to be loved the way Vaughn loves Oryn (and his alters), it’s truly a gift to be part of this love.
Wow! There are no words to describe how good this book was, but I loved it!! Best audiobook I’ve listened to ever!! The narrator brought all the guys to life in a way just reading it wouldn’t have done. I highly recommend buying this audiobook!!

very educational!!!

I like gay erotica, so I thought that's what I was getting with this, however, it was so much more, I felt for all the characters (except the parents) and it got me in the feels big time.
If a book can make me stop what I'm doing and go( "oooooo. what now?) it's a good book, super sweet and made me want people like this in my life when I go through all my bull.
loved the narration made every "personality" a real person and very educational. I want to learn more about D.I.D.

Must buy!!!!

I don’t usually write a written review, only give stars but Love Me Whole required my time to let you know what I thought. This is one of the most phenomenal books I’ve ever read! It has all the feels! Adam Gold does a superb job narrating, it feels like you’re listening to a movie his voices and sound effects are so realistic.

The world of DID that Nicky takes you through is fascinating. Even though you know the main character had to of endured unimaginable trauma as a child, she doesn’t go into detail about his past, she focuses on the present and how he can make his whole system work in harmony.

If there is one book worth your hard earned money, it is this one!! Give it a try, I promise you won’t regret it!

Incredible!

Loved it! Was an amazing book to read and listen to! I would love for there to be a follow up story to this! 🖤

Beyond incredible!

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 5+ stars
🔥🔥🔥 Heat Level: 3 (with SO much intimacy, care, and love to melt your heart!)
🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧 Narration: 5

Beyond incredible! So complex and with so much heart!!

This book gave me a book hangover of epic proportions! I’m still hungover! Amazing, complex, with so much heart, care and emotions and so much knowledge and care was taken around Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)…absolutely phenomenal!!

As with all Nicky’s creations you can tell she puts all the love and care into her words. Her writing ebbs and flows with such ease and love you can’t help but fall for her characters and these two are no exception! Oryn and Vaughn are truly wonderful characters and the details around Oryn’s DID and his alters is exceptional. I loved the care that went into each alter and their unique personalities. I loved Vaughn’s care, desire to learn and friendship he has for Oryn and all his alters. I love how Vaughn subconsciously wanted to and tried to help Oryn and every turn and eventually with his Doctors helps Oryn find a better balance with his alters and eventually begins to heal and achieve a better state of co-consciousness. I loved all the alters in their own ways and each was complex and detailed it was easy to differentiate them and their identities in Oryn system. I loved Cohen and his shameless flirting, Reed and his protectiveness and somewhat alpha maleness, Cove and his depressive, self-destructive, misunderstood nature. Nicky did Cove so well, he becomes so relatable and his role in the system is crucial, while scary at times. I loved reading/listening to Cove’s recovery and desire to help from the unspeakable things that had happened to him. Theo and Rain are adorable and I loved the insight into the ‘inner world’ where Rain is Theo’s adoptive son, they would work so well together and Rain is just adorable!!

Adam’s narration of this story is beyond AMAZING! He injects each character with their unique personality and a different voice that reflects that personality. The way he tells the story from each alters the point of view as well as Oryn and Vaughns while finding balance in the overall story is exceptional. I felt like I was listening to a movie with all the different characters. Adam’s talented narration for this story has made him of my favorite narrators and his talent for this story is exceptional!!! I couldn’t have loved it more!!!

All in all, this is a complex story that will touch your heart in so many ways and draw you into a world that is the reality for some DID sufferers and their partners, family, and friends. An incredible creation by Nicky, I couldn’t love it more!!!!!

Thanks for reading!

Refund

I did not finish at 30% and will switch to epub.
The story is alright but for someone knowing a lot about DID this reads like a tedious lecture. I already know all this stuff.
The explaining tendency is made worse by the narrator. He does well with voices but when telling in the narrators pov he settles in a rut that starts to annoy after a couple of sentences with identical inflection.
Further, I hate it when the inner voice is given an echo effect. It keeps me from submerging in the story.
And last, the noise reduction could be of better quality but is acceptable.

Brilliant

Absolutely loved the book but listening to the audio was great. Loved how Adam Gold was able to portray Oryn alters . And loved the scene in the museum with Rain
Highly recommend even if you have not read the book the audio will suck you in .

Conflicted

This is a difficult book to review... The story premise was very interesting and the narrator was simply phenomenal. PHENOMENAL (sorry, I had to). I just can't quite shake the feeling that it could have been written in a much better style, resulting in a much better book. This book is definitely a pleasant page turner, but it is no art, the text slipping too often towards tacky, repetitive ramble. A shame, really, as it is clear that the author chose an intriguing and original subject matter, and obviously did a lot of research, but executed the task quite poorly, in my humble opinion.

Amazing ❤️

Beautifully written amazing story ...about something I’d never given much thought to before. I only hope for every Oryn there’s a Vaughn!

Adam Gold did a fabulous job narrating.

Just wow!

beautiful story

absolutely amazing, I loved the story and the characters and the narrator was absolutely brilliant

Brilliant, Beautiful & Emotional 💞💞

Absolutely Loved.. This Nicky James is Brilliant what can I say what a roller-coaster of emotions the books amazing but with audio it pulls you in and doesn't let go. Love Vaughn and Oryn it's heartbreaking his 5 alters Reed, Cohen Theo cute Rain and not forgetting Cove who I just want to hug and protect are amazing and Adam Gold is fantastic at bringing them all to life. Love... Love.. Loved it Breathtaking 💞💞💞

Brilliant

reading this book was emotional enough but listening to it was phenomenal. Adam Gold has an amazing talent for doing all the different voices, you really think that you are listening to more than one person.

Unique and beautiful

Audio just as fabulous as the book was. I wish I could give more stars. If you are in a rut and want something completely different than this is what you need. AMAZING and I want more! It stays with you for a long time after you finish that you want to start over at the beginning immediately.

Highly recommend and easily a reread/listen (I'm already on 3 times this year).

Narrator was fabulous. He made all the voices unique and enjoyable. Would love more from him. If I had a small criticism it would be I didn't like the echoing voice when it was a thinking sentence (I didn't mind the unique telephone conversation audio).

An amazing, breath taking story

This story took my breath away when I 1st read it. the narration only enhanced it.