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Publisher's Summary

In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands - the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.

©2008 Chelsea Handler (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.

Critic Reviews

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer. (Jay Leno)
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." ( New York Times)

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

Overall

  • 4 out of 5 stars
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Story

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
  • B Cook
  • Camden, AR USA
  • 04-16-16

My First Chelsea H. Literary Experience

What made the experience of listening to Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea the most enjoyable?

Chelsea's narration....the stories are great, I actually read the book before getting the audiobook...it was back in the days before iPhones and iPads and App Stores and Apps for That, etc. This was my first audiobook and hearing the author read these stories instantly made this amazing to me so my review will probably reflect some degree of bias. That fact aside, the book itself is just good fun and having the author right there with you makes the experience....just amazing...can't say that enough.

What was one of the most memorable moments of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea?

I don't know if I have a favorite part or "most memorable" moment...I enjoy the entire thing from start to finish...parts that immediately come to mind....maybe the chapter Dim Sum and Then Some where she's mistaken as a "wesbian" sex solicitor at a sketchy massage parlor, run by Asians with minimal English skills? I also liked her brief stent as a "hardened" inmate when she's introduced to the prison world where toilet stall doors are a rarity and sandwiches are used as currency to purchase things like tampons and drugs, which occurs in the chapter Prison Break, but like I said, the whole thing is great. The chapter Big Red (where carpets and drapes match), Chelsea's world-wide proclaimation in her stand against red-headed men is another chapter that comes to mind.

What about Chelsea Handler’s performance did you like?

Just the fact that it was Chelsea Handler reading her own words. You get her own take on the story with the inflections and nuances you would imagine are present in her mental retelling of these stories. They become more personal and more funny when you're getting the story directly from the author.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Yes, I had already read the book before purchasing the audiobook and I STILL had the desire to push on while listening. You just want to hear more of these crazy, hillarious stories.

Any additional comments?

I can't praise this book enough...bias is probably taking over at this point, but stepping back and trying to look objectively at this book, it is well written, funny, personal, telling, shocking, and familiar. It's a collection of stories taken from someone's life and retold in a way that makes the proverbial lemons into lemonade through whatever possible embellishments to make them funny, interesting and relatable. Chelsea shows the world that she's a different type of celebrity, one who doesn't take herself seriously and just wants to laugh and (sometimes) make fun of those who do.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

LOVED IT!

Very funny! Third time I have read this book and will someday read again! Great read!

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    3 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars

Ehhh just ok

I bought this book but never read it and a friend suggested I listen. She's funny but not LOL funny. More humorous. I just really found some of the stories too unrealistic and kind of sad and irritating. Like the bit about massages made no sense - any normal person would have left. In any case, I don't feel compelled to finish it so I won't but can't give it a terrible review. She's talented and maybe some of her other books are better this ones just not totally for me.

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loved!

I just love everything by Chelsea Handler! she makes me laugh until it hurts! would totally recommend!!!!

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    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Not her best

Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

Absolutely. I love Chelsea's books.

What was the most interesting aspect of this story? The least interesting?

I love her stories about her and her siblings, it is really funny. I was the least interested in her story about her "mini-me."

Which character – as performed by Chelsea Handler – was your favorite?

Chelsea, of course.

What else would you have wanted to know about Chelsea Handler’s life?

I would like to learn more about her relationship with her mom. Her books focus a lot on her dad, as he is absolutely ridiculous, but don't totally dive into anything with her mom.

Any additional comments?

This was my least favorite of Chelsea's books. The material just wasn't as good as the others. Perhaps if I hadn't listened to the others first, I wouldn't have felt this way.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Hilariously entertaining

Hilariously entertaining. Even my husband liked it. Chelsea presents/ performs it well too. Very good.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

First Encounter with Miss Handler

This is the first time that I have ever heard, red, or even seen Chelsea Handler… I can tell already that this is going to be a Love/Love relationship... Also the fact that she is told a story towards the end about a "little person" named Kimmy… And I am a 6 foot five NON-little person named Kimmy… I am naturally intrigued! 5 Spoons! My highest rating!

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Very entertaining!!!!

Loved the honesty the humor. Most of all the heart. Great job Miss Chelsea!! Would recommend to anyone with a sense of humor.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
  • J
  • 08-05-15

Love!

I've read this book twice and it still makes me laugh. Love Chelsea Handler so much!

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

LOVE Chelsea Handler.

Her books are the best! They always make me laugh out loud. I am always smiling when listening to her.