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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea Audiobook

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

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Publisher's Summary

In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands - the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.

©2008 Chelsea Handler; (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.

What the Critics Say

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer. (Jay Leno)
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." (New York Times)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.1 (2828 )
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4.4 (1836 )
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  •  
    Some Girl Denver, CO 08-01-08
    Some Girl Denver, CO 08-01-08 Member Since 2007

    Gina

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    "Dud."

    I was disappointed with this download. I noticed it was in the top 10, wanted something lighthearted, and missed it in this book. Handler is not funny. She got a few snorts out of me, no LOLllers. She comes across, rather than funny, as bitchy, grating, and mean.

    Maybe that's her MO in standup. Some of you may like that brand of vodka in comedy.

    But for me, my recommendation is to use your credit elsewhere.

    3 of 4 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Debbie Austin, TX, United States 02-09-10
    Debbie Austin, TX, United States 02-09-10 Member Since 2005
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    "Funny in some parts but crass"

    I found a lot of this book to be obnoxious. I laughed in parts, but, it was often pretty mean, gross, offensive, or crude humor.

    0 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mariah Fox 01-12-17
    Mariah Fox 01-12-17
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    "Love Chelsea, books just okay"

    I find her shows a lot funnier than I found this book. Not sure why.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    cmurray 12-15-16
    cmurray 12-15-16 Member Since 2016
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    "Chelsea's dad"

    I don't think anything could make me happier then Chelsea's dad dialogue. Bought this when it came out and then just got the audio version – such a treat.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brittany 10-14-16
    Brittany 10-14-16 Member Since 2016
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    "Narration was distracting to say the LEAST"

    First off, I'm fan of Chelsea Handler I was excited to hear her read out loud what I fully assumed would be stories & anecdotes told in the same comedic delivery she's known for-- some people love her way of taking, others really don't. Even her normal conversations can be described as an almost constant audible eye roll, whether she's happy or pissed it's just "this is all stupid so it's good I don't care much" type of humor. BUT NO. It was like she was reading her book to an elementary class of 6 year olds & trying to pass it off as a dr. Seuss story-- or the way some people read aloud really horrible corny speeches/toasts that have very fake reflective thoughts that sound very "gee whiz, golly gosh darn!" that immediately gives away the lack of real ness.

    I couldn't really pay attention to ANY of these stories because it was SO WEIRD hearing Chelsea, of all people, do a Disney storybook narrator voice to stories of teenage drinking & whatever else she talked about (like I said, didn't actually hear much over the cartoony voice.) If she had read them exactly as she probably heard it in her head when writing, it would've been very true to her comedy & style. I kept thinking I'd either get used to it, or that maybe she'd loosen up a bit or mature her voice as she got older in her memories but no such luck.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Laura Wright 07-29-16 Member Since 2015
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    "funny"

    Very comical I laughed so hard. definitely not political correct so if that stuff offends you don't read it.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Mike A 06-08-16
    Mike A 06-08-16 Member Since 2014
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    "this book sucks"

    tired of her liberal cap she is funny and should leave politics out of it

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    michelle durrenberger 05-20-16
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    "Very disappointing"
    Would you try another book from Chelsea Handler and/or Chelsea Handler?

    No I will probably not try another book from Chelsea Handler, this was not at all what I was expecting


    Has Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea turned you off from other books in this genre?

    yes


    What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

    disappointment


    Any additional comments?

    no

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Claudy 05-05-16
    Claudy 05-05-16 Member Since 2016
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    "Hilarious"

    I bought the book a few years ago and I finally finished it thanks to audible. Her stories are too funny can't wait to hear My Horizontal Life

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    B Cook Camden, AR USA 04-16-16
    B Cook Camden, AR USA 04-16-16 Member Since 2015

    I'm a casual to semi-avid audiobook listener mainly of the biography/memoir category. Some have been great, some awful but all educational.

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    "My First Chelsea H. Literary Experience"
    What made the experience of listening to Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea the most enjoyable?

    Chelsea's narration....the stories are great, I actually read the book before getting the audiobook...it was back in the days before iPhones and iPads and App Stores and Apps for That, etc. This was my first audiobook and hearing the author read these stories instantly made this amazing to me so my review will probably reflect some degree of bias. That fact aside, the book itself is just good fun and having the author right there with you makes the experience....just amazing...can't say that enough.


    What was one of the most memorable moments of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea?

    I don't know if I have a favorite part or "most memorable" moment...I enjoy the entire thing from start to finish...parts that immediately come to mind....maybe the chapter Dim Sum and Then Some where she's mistaken as a "wesbian" sex solicitor at a sketchy massage parlor, run by Asians with minimal English skills? I also liked her brief stent as a "hardened" inmate when she's introduced to the prison world where toilet stall doors are a rarity and sandwiches are used as currency to purchase things like tampons and drugs, which occurs in the chapter Prison Break, but like I said, the whole thing is great. The chapter Big Red (where carpets and drapes match), Chelsea's world-wide proclaimation in her stand against red-headed men is another chapter that comes to mind.


    What about Chelsea Handler’s performance did you like?

    Just the fact that it was Chelsea Handler reading her own words. You get her own take on the story with the inflections and nuances you would imagine are present in her mental retelling of these stories. They become more personal and more funny when you're getting the story directly from the author.


    Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

    Yes, I had already read the book before purchasing the audiobook and I STILL had the desire to push on while listening. You just want to hear more of these crazy, hillarious stories.


    Any additional comments?

    I can't praise this book enough...bias is probably taking over at this point, but stepping back and trying to look objectively at this book, it is well written, funny, personal, telling, shocking, and familiar. It's a collection of stories taken from someone's life and retold in a way that makes the proverbial lemons into lemonade through whatever possible embellishments to make them funny, interesting and relatable. Chelsea shows the world that she's a different type of celebrity, one who doesn't take herself seriously and just wants to laugh and (sometimes) make fun of those who do.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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