The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

By: Gary Chapman

Narrated by: Gary Chapman

Length: 4 hrs and 46 mins

Publisher's summary

Dr. Gary Chapman identifies five basic languages of love and then guides couples towards a better understanding of their unique languages of love. Learn to speak and understand your mate's love language, and in no time you will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return. Skillful communication is within your grasp!

Download the accompanying reference guide.

©2005 Gary Chapman (P)2005 Oasis Audio LLC

Critic reviews

• 2005 Audie Award Winner, Personal Development/Motivational

" "Whether your marriage needs a tune-up or a major overhaul, these are powerful prescriptions delivered by a genial, wise man." (AudioFile)

Unexpected Brilliance

In one word, amazing! I will make this honest & to the point. As I am Australian we kind of like our info served straight up and no beating around the bush. I get tired of reading reviews that sound over the top of many peoples heads & those that make you wonder if they were paid to write it. Let me tell you this, from start to finish this guy knows his stuff. These Love languages Dr Chapman talks about transcend culture & speech language. They would work for anyone, anywhere in the world that has a desire to seek more from their partnership and is willing to listen. Dont let his funky southern accent put you off, it will actually endear you to him as you grow to admire his insights and find your own penny dropping inside. Everything he said made sense, plain english and would apply to everyone's situation whether married, in a relationship or not. Its real info that can be used to reopen and then keep the channels of communication open between partners. Also info that will make giving & receiving love as well as being lovable so much easier. It doesnt focus so much on the differences between men and women like in the Mars Venus Series of John Gray but more on the WAY we love. It explains why those suggestions you get in magazines dont always work so well. SO refreshing and info that I didnt even know I needed! Our marriage was in a rut & I can honestly say that when trying some suggestions from the book my husband immediately responded. He even wanted to listen to the book with me and we disussed things as we listened. It has brought us so much closer and helped us to connect again while learning more about ourselves and each other. We plan to go further with our "reading" as we have a new hobby, listening to books together. I hope Dr Chapman will keep writing! Thanks Dr!

L-O-V-E this book!

This is a great book. I have the print copy, but found it difficult for my long time fiance and myself to find time to read it together - the audiobook was a great answer. Dr. Chapman's work on the five love languages is insightful and helps us to realize just why some things that are so simple and basic to us, may not be understood by our mate. When miscommunication occurs, you can sometimes be left wondering, "who is this person I am with?" but a look into the five love languages can really help identify these issues and Dr. Chapman gives suggestions on how to work through them together - all the while loving each other BETTER! =) I definitely recommend this book to anyone who has ever felt confused about relationships, whether it be with family, friends, or significant others. Who is NOT in this category? =) So many relationship books seem like so much reading and not enough action ... or just so much work ... or just fluff. But this is NOT work, it is not fluff, and it is not words without action. It is great knowledge that you can begin to apply TODAY. I also think Dr. Chapman's narration of the book was excellent - you can really hear the sincerity of his voice, and the excitement he evokes when telling his stories. I will especially point out a part in the book we loved - when he talks about vacuuming the house, how he hated it as a kid and how he never thought he'd have to do that as a grown-up - but he now HAPPILY does it weekly for his wife, and in his words, "There is only one reason: L-O-V-E!"

Not That Great After All

The other reviews I read made me think this would be full of great insights. I had to fast forward through the first part, which was a long, self-congratulatory interview with the author. The five languages were no big surprise - kind words, gift-giving, service, touching, and quality time. All five are good things to do for your loved ones. I'd call this a case of Expando Publishing - taking what should be a brochure or flyer and expanding it into a full length book.

A Silver Bullet?!

Wonderfully simple, practical concepts that provide us truly effective methods of expressing and receiving love. Any and all relationships could benefit from the information contained in this book. While it is written from a Christian perspective and focuses almost exclusively on married couples experiencing some level of dysfunction in their marriages, the material can be interpreted in any way that best serves your needs. I myself am not a Christian nor am I married, but this has offered wonderful clarity and help to me and my significant other as we co-create the relationship of our dreams together. Hoping to put these lessons to use to set us up for success so we won't need the damage control down the road!

Missing elements

The core idea of this book is great! Love languages make sense. However one of my issues is in the overly gendered language in the book. It would be so much easier to say they/them and partner instead of gendering everything. Also that author never mentioned trauma or ptsd. I really think a book that deals in psychology should at least mentioned them so that when people continue to have issues even after learning the love languages they can understand what role traumas plays in expressing love.
I also was very disturbed by the authors suggestion (in a story he was recalling) that the wife should have sex with her husband at least once every week even though she clearly wasn’t comfortable doing so!! That woman could have a history of sexual trauma and telling her to “love her enemy” could be re-traumatizing.
Overall, the love language idea is great but the authors heavy Christian influence and lack of regard for trauma and ptsd is concerning.

A Few Diamonds, a Lot of Rough

Would you try another book from Gary Chapman and/or Gary Chapman?

I might, under the right circumstances.

Would you ever listen to anything by Gary Chapman again?

I might, under the right circumstances.

Which character – as performed by Gary Chapman – was your favorite?

N/A

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

There's some wisdom in there.

Any additional comments?

This book is about 25% heavy-handed religious rhetoric, 25% folksy nonsense, and 25% outright B.S. But the remaining 25% is genuinely insightful, interesting, and helpful. If you're willing to dig through the muddy presentation, there are some wonderful nuggets of wisdom.

Highly Recommended

I am a chaplain and speak with a lot of people. I have found myself recommending this book more than any other. The books is not a list of techniques used to manipulate people. It is a discussion about how to truly serve others in the way they want to be served. We often serve others in the way that we would like to be served. Then, we wonder why they don’t respond. Dr. Chapman helps us to overcome this mistake and discover the means by which our spouses and children like to receive love. Throughout the book, he also gives us practical advice on how to fulfill those needs.
The fundamentals are especially helpful in marital and family relationships and can be applied, in a limited manner to casual relationships as well.
One should not be surprised that the book has distinctly Christian worldview. It is published by Oasis. I do not know of a book they publish that is not distinctly Christian.

A sure way to inject life into your marriage.

My wife and I discovered this book about eight years ago. It is a practical book that touches on a problem most couples experience - different ways of expressing love. Dr. Chapman is equally funny and brilliant on his exposition of the love languages. I have successfully used and practiced the principles he teach in his book not only in my marriage but with dozens of couples I have mentored. It works! Speaking the love language of your spouse will take your marriage to new heights or revive the relationship you're in. Read it and apply it.

Too religious for me

Any additional comments?

I started to listen to this but was really turned off by the preaching. I was surprised at how religious this book is based. I understand the concepts, but not a fan of the book and how it was written. If you are religious you will probably really enjoy this, just not my cup of tea.

Not for me

This book may be helpful to some, but overall it was of very little help to me. It’s rooted in Christian beliefs and uses outdated gender stereotypes throughout. The small updates here and there that are supposed to reflect the changing times weren’t enough for me. Many of the author’s declarations of what love is and how one should show it, I’m sorry to say I just flat out disagree with. Sure, the basic principles in this book are good- people express love differently and it’s helpful to have an awareness of this and incorporate it into meeting the emotional needs of your partner* (note this book only addresses spouses/married couples). However love is not a performance between partners, it’s not about getting “credit” for doing something kind, as the author writes. It’s not about pleasing your partner physically and emotionally to the detriment of yourself. For example, the author advises one woman to stay with her emotionally abusive husband and seeing if he eventually comes around, quoting the Bible “love your enemies, do good to them that hate you”. I find that advice very troublesome. The author consistently credits himself as a miracle worker, but I think he’s partly, if not largely using shame and religion to prevent couples from divorcing. I realize I’m in the minority here in this review section, but this book was not my cup of tea.

Repetitive

Firstly, the recording is actually (for some odd reason) two almost identical readings of the same book. This felt like a rip-off as the content is only half what it says it is (5 hours rather than 10).
Secondly the narrator’s accent grated after a while and I ended up quite sick of it. Thirdly as others have noted, his examples are pretty sexist (and I’m a guy) , which I guess either reflects his clientele in Texas at the time he wrote this or he’s sexist. Lastly, it’s a bit overly religious in places which again grated at times.
Oh and I’m sick of the phrase “love tank”. Who seriously would ask their partner about their love tank?

The underlying message was really useful and I am applying it. Basically there are 5 ways you can show love to people but if you are using the wrong way then they won’t appreciate your efforts.

These are:
1 Saying nice things
2 Giving gifts
3 Doing things for them
4 Quality time with them
5 Touch

I’ve always been showing my wife my love by doing things for her. I now realise she appreciates quality time more.

It didn’t need 5 hours of tales about how Betty Jo isn’t getting dinner ready on time or being told to hold my spouses hand at church (like I go) to tell me this. I was also concerned about him telling one woman who sounded like she was in a pretty abusive relationship that she needed to give her husband more sex and more affirmation. It apparently worked, but equally the husband sounds like he got away with treating her like a doormat for years.

Anyway, overall the message was very good and has shown me where I’m gong wrong, but the presentation was woeful. No way am I playing “the love tank” game.

Honestly, you’d be better off reading a précis.

Some food for thought

I bought this book on the reviews expecting something amazing ...

I had to dig deep within myself to find meaning in some areas but that's great right ??
It ignited some emotions and some thoughts about how I view love and how I love myself too ..

In parts I must admit a lot of the examples seemed sexist, I want a wife to cook my meals, clean my shoes, I want a husband who listens to me and buys me things, and I found myself annoyed by those example types ....
A great learning for me was asking myself why I was annoyed ...

If you are into self help and like challenging yourself to step outside of your comfort zone give this book a go, you may realise you have no clue what love really is because take away all the what I deemed as selfish congical requests what you are left with is this ....

Can you let go of your own Ego and live a life of service to someone else because you choose too??!!!

Wondering about my own love choices now so in essence a brilliant thought provoking read!!!!

Self promotion

Little practical advice, just lots and lots of boring self promotion. Also it didn’t represent the modern family ...assumes husband is breadwinner and wife is home maker. I stopped listening after a while...wasted purchase

Best for if you are Married and Religious

Found was focused towards married people only, also religion is mentioned frequently throughout including a 20 min intro. I had already heard of what the 5 Love Languages were and did not learn much more from buying this book.
If you are not religious then the amount it is mentioned in the book could be extremely off putting.

Outdated, not for me

I think the core idea about this book is really useful. You can defiantly see how this is helpful to a lot of people, by understanding what the 5 love languages are and seeing how that can help your relationship. But after that, that's all you basically need to know. As the examples got on my nerves very male sided stories. Woman always trying to get their man to do chores and it's because they are not asking the man properly. It always felt like the woman was in the wrong.

Eye opening and a must try for all couples

5 million people resonated with this. You cannot get wrong about it. I have just started to try the principles, and although I have to admit being skeptic in the beginning by the time I made it to the end I had bought in. Many thanks Dr Chapman for doing such a master piece for the well being of so many couples and people in the world.

Great book for singles or in a relationship

didn't want to put it on pause. helped me to reflect on what I needed in previous relationships and how to better communicate and express caring in the future and with other friends and family now to meet their needs in a way they can understand.

Wonderful

I fully enjoyed this book. I'm not married but have been with my partner for 12 years. This has been I great help and he wants to listen and apply too. FANTASTIC

Such incredible insight

What made the experience of listening to The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts the most enjoyable?

every line of this book gives incredible insight into your own relationships

Who was your favorite character and why?

n\a

What does Gary Chapman bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you had only read the book?

great narrative style, as the combined author/narrator, can put his original intended emotion into the audiobook

If you made a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?

damaged relationships can always be repaired

Any additional comments?

a must read

Very Good but dated

Pros:
- lots of Good habits
- Lots of examples of relationship types
- Explains how to find your love languages

Cons:
- content is dates and a focus on hetrasexual relationships only.
- Women clean the house, Men go out to work..
- His voice is like marmite, you either love it or hate it.