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A striking red-head, 20-something Jody is attacked and transformed into a vampire while walking home one night in downtown San Francisco. Befriending 19-year-old Tommy, Jody tries to understand her new undead life, but trouble finds her when the cops start suspecting Tommy of being a local bloodsucking serial killer.
With New York Times best-sellers like Bloodsucking Fiends to his credit, Christopher Moore has developed a devoted cult following. Coyote Blue introduces Samuel Hunter, a young man who's running from his past while being tormented by an ancient Crow God with a talent for mischief.
Take a wonderfully crazed excursion into the demented heart of a tropical paradise - a world of cargo cults, cannibals, mad scientists, ninjas, and talking fruit bats. Our bumbling hero is Tucker Case, a hopeless geek trapped in a cool guy's body, who makes a living as a pilot for the Mary Jean Cosmetics Corporation.
Just why do humpback whales sing? That's the question that has marine behavioral biologist Nate Quinn and his crew poking, charting, recording, and photographing very big, wet, gray marine mammals - until the extraordinary day when a whale lifts its tail into the air to display a cryptic message spelled out in foot-high letters: Bite Me.
In Christopher Moore's ingenious debut novel, we meet one of the most memorably mismatched pairs in the annals of literature. The good-looking one is one-hundred-year-old ex-seminarian and "roads" scholar Travis O'Hearn. The green one is Catch, a demon with a nasty habit of eating most of the people he meets.
People start dropping dead around Charlie, giant ravens perch on his building, and it seems that everywhere he goes, a dark presence whispers to him from under the streets. Strange names start appearing on his nightstand notepad, and before he knows it, those people end up dead, too. Yup, it seems that Charlie Asher has been recruited for a new job, an unpleasant but utterly necessary one: Death.
A striking red-head, 20-something Jody is attacked and transformed into a vampire while walking home one night in downtown San Francisco. Befriending 19-year-old Tommy, Jody tries to understand her new undead life, but trouble finds her when the cops start suspecting Tommy of being a local bloodsucking serial killer.
With New York Times best-sellers like Bloodsucking Fiends to his credit, Christopher Moore has developed a devoted cult following. Coyote Blue introduces Samuel Hunter, a young man who's running from his past while being tormented by an ancient Crow God with a talent for mischief.
Take a wonderfully crazed excursion into the demented heart of a tropical paradise - a world of cargo cults, cannibals, mad scientists, ninjas, and talking fruit bats. Our bumbling hero is Tucker Case, a hopeless geek trapped in a cool guy's body, who makes a living as a pilot for the Mary Jean Cosmetics Corporation.
Just why do humpback whales sing? That's the question that has marine behavioral biologist Nate Quinn and his crew poking, charting, recording, and photographing very big, wet, gray marine mammals - until the extraordinary day when a whale lifts its tail into the air to display a cryptic message spelled out in foot-high letters: Bite Me.
In Christopher Moore's ingenious debut novel, we meet one of the most memorably mismatched pairs in the annals of literature. The good-looking one is one-hundred-year-old ex-seminarian and "roads" scholar Travis O'Hearn. The green one is Catch, a demon with a nasty habit of eating most of the people he meets.
People start dropping dead around Charlie, giant ravens perch on his building, and it seems that everywhere he goes, a dark presence whispers to him from under the streets. Strange names start appearing on his nightstand notepad, and before he knows it, those people end up dead, too. Yup, it seems that Charlie Asher has been recruited for a new job, an unpleasant but utterly necessary one: Death.
In July 1890, Vincent van Gogh went into a cornfield and shot himself. Or did he? Why would an artist at the height of his creative powers attempt to take his life... and then walk a mile to a doctor's house for help? Who was the crooked little "color man" Vincent had claimed was stalking him across France? And why had the painter recently become deathly afraid of a certain shade of blue? These are just a few of the questions confronting Vincent's friends who vow to discover the truth of van Gogh's untimely death.
It's not every afternoon that an enigmatic, comely blonde named Stilton (like the cheese) walks into the scruffy gin joint where Sammy "Two Toes" Tiffin tends bar. It's love at first sight, but before Sammy can make his move, an air force general named Remy arrives with some urgent business. 'Cause when you need something done, Sammy is the guy to go to; he's got the connections on the street.
Pocket has been Lear's cherished fool for years. So naturally Pocket is at his brainless, elderly liege's side when Lear demands that his kids swear to him their undying love and devotion. Of course Goneril and Regan are only too happy to brownnose Dad. But Cordelia believes that her father's request is kind of...well...stupid, and her blunt honesty ends up costing her her rightful share of the kingdom and earns her a banishment to boot.
Verily, the story Biff has to tell is a miraculous one, filled with remarkable journeys, magic, healings, kung fu, corpse reanimations, demons, and hot babes. Even the considerable wiles and devotion of the Savior's pal may not be enough to divert Joshua from his tragic destiny. But there's no one who loves Josh more (except maybe "Maggie," Mary of Magdalan) and Biff isn't about to let his extraordinary pal suffer and ascend without a fight.
Steve is hell's super, its handyman. Being Mr. Fixit to the underworld keeps him and his assistant, Orson Welles (yes, that Orson Welles), pretty busy, since things go on the blink all the time down there. No malfunction has ever created so much inconvenience, though, as the malfunction of hell's escalator, which leads from the pearly gates to the depths of Hades. What's worse: The breakdown appears to be sabotage.
Raka Varoule is a second-rate investigative reporter, traveling between the 27 worlds of the Galactic Empire exposing minor scandals. His big break comes when he weasels his way onto the emperor’s personal star-cruiser to report live, across the galaxy, how the emperor is celebrating his birthday. When he exposes the biggest scandal in galactic history, he narrowly escapes with the help of a drug runner, a dominatrix, and a monkey wearing assless chaps. Together, they search for an escape from the empire, a barbarian world outside Imperial control. Then things get weird.
Not too long from today, a new, highly contagious virus makes its way across the globe. Most who get sick experience nothing worse than flu, fever, and headaches. But for the unlucky one percent - and nearly five million souls in the United States alone - the disease causes "Lock In": Victims fully awake and aware, but unable to move or respond to stimulus. The disease affects young, old, rich, poor, people of every color and creed. The world changes to meet the challenge.
Duke and Earl are just passing through Rockwood county in their pick-up truck when they stop at the Diner for a quick bite to eat. They aren't planning to stick around-until Loretta, the eatery's owner, offers them $100 to take care of her zombie problem. Given that Duke is a werewolf and Earl's a vampire, this looks right up their alley.But the shambling dead are just the tip of a particularly spiky iceberg.
A farang is dead and the Bangkok police have a confession the next morning from a young paint-thinner addict. He claims he killed Ben Hoadly, an expat Brit, but Calvino has his doubts when he sees heavy bruises on the kid's face. In no time, Calvino is working both sides, out to find the killer for Hoadly's wealthy father, and eager to clear the addict's name for a beautiful friend who runs a charity in the slums.
Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort. One fateful night - different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful - Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos of the parahuman world.
Hi, how are you? Yes, I am talking to you, the reader of this book's description. Okay, I get it, fourth-wall breaking is overdone. Get over it. This book, Villains Rule, is a fantasy action-comedy which you have to hear. Not because it redefines the genre, far from it. But rather for what it contains. A villain's tale. How often do you get to listen to a story where the villain is the protagonist? No, not an anti-hero, or a brooding monster, nor a hero thinly disguised as a villain. And not evil. If you want evil, take that nonsense to therapy.
STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why?
"The city of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge, shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay Area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public. Whoa. And this is a love story? Yup.
"‘Cept there’s no whining. See, while some lovers were born to run, Jody and Tommy were born to bite. Well, reborn, that is, now that they're vampires. Good thing theirs is an undying love, since their Goth Girl Friday, Abby Normal, imprisoned them in a bronze statue. Abby wants to be a blood sucking fiend, too, but right now she’s really busy with other stuff, like breaking in a pair of red vinyl thigh-high Skankenstein® platform boots and wrangling her Ph.D.-candidate boyfriend, Steve (the love monkey). And then there’s that vampire cat Chet, who’s getting bigger and smarter—and thirstier—by the minute. Abby thought she and Steve could handle the kitty cat on their own, mais non."
Before you can say “OMG! WTF?” Tommy and Jody are sprung from captivity, and join forces with Abby, Steve, the frozen-turkey-bowling Safeway crew, the Emperor of San Francisco and his trusty dogs Lazarus and Bummer, Abby’s gay Goth friend Jared, and SF’s finest Cavuto and Rivera to hunt big cat and save the city. And that’s when the fun really begins.
Very rarely do I believe anything in life is worthy a perfect score, however Bite Me has earned this exception. Christopher Moore is one of the greatest authors/story-tellers of all time and Bite Me is the epitome of his talent. Very rarely do you come across an author that possesses the talent to evoke our raw emotions, and even rarer in a fictional environment. And not to short change Susan Bennett as her incredible narrative talent and multiple voices most certainly helped bring this story to life.
I am a big proponent of not spoiling a story and therefore will limit my comments. Rest assured however, Bite Me and the two other books in this series (Blood Sucking Fiends and You Suck) are truly worthy of your time.
Bite Me does a superb job of tying-up the loose strings left after You Suck. I am in awe of Christopher Moore’s literary ability used to develop the characters over the course of these three novels. I can’t help but feel the same love, compassion and concern one might have for a non fictional character. I now truly understand the meaning (and emotions) of a bitter-sweet ending. Although I believe Bite Me will be the last chapter in this current saga, I do hope the author guy chooses to continue bringing back our favorite characters. Certainly the inspectors will be back and who can’t imagine the fun and troubles of Abby and Lilly. As I don’t want to spoil anything, I will only say that there are two other characters that I hope might find their way back.
Bottom line; read, re-read and then read again the three Christopher Moore vampire books (or should I say listen to).
16 of 16 people found this review helpful
I literaly wet myself I was laughing so hard.
Mr Moore has outdone himself, and I dont think any other narrater than Susan Bennett could have done this reading justice.
Listen to this one on the weekend. If your at work or in the car your going to get some strange looks when you burst out laughing.
11 of 11 people found this review helpful
You have to read this book. Read it. Listen to it. Sleep with it under your pillow. It's so unblevablly funny I love it!
19 of 20 people found this review helpful
Christopher Moore yet again writes an incredibly funny sequel to "You Suck: A Love Story" which is a sequel to "Bloodsucking Fiends". This story contains vapirous cats, rats, an emperor and other surprises that keep the story funny and interesting.
Susan Bennett does a fantastic job narrating the characters in this book. From the cool Jody to the chipper (yet in perpetual despair) teen goth Abby Normal, to the lispy Jarrett, Susan's delivery adds to the funny.
I highly recommended "Bite Me" to those who can handle a funny (yet at times crude) story that adds new dimensions to the age old vampire story. Also, any potential downloader must not be sensitive to a story containing curse words (the book doesn't overdo cursing, but it is in there and many are very sensitive to it)
8 of 8 people found this review helpful
I love this series! Abby Normal is the funniest most sarcastic and annoying character I have ever met. She makes the book for me.
7 of 7 people found this review helpful
I loved Blood Sucking Fiends and You Suck. Reading them was funny, listening to the brilliant narrative efforts of Susan Bennett, is downright side splitting. As I am one who can listen while she works, I should have thought better about playing Bite Me while I attempted to do so. I'm sure my co-workers thought I was having seizures while I tried to control my laughter. If there is anything funnier or more entertaining, I have yet to hear it. Without giving anything away, I will say that Mr. Moore is totally brilliant and that his sense of humor lends itself artfully to his work. Hearing is believing and I believe that to not give Bite Me a listen to would truly 'Suck and Bite'
7 of 7 people found this review helpful
Abby Normal is all about Kissing her boyfriend and then slapping him so he won't think she is a slut and stuff. Abby Normal Rocks and the most awesome minion. So she has no hips, almost flat chested and weighs 90 pounds, she is the greatest character I have ever come across. Slap you!! I'm no slut, well unless you want me to be.
This being the third book and all bout Abby Normal and stuff it is most awesome. OMFG!!!
Read these books in any order you want, I liked the second book best, but they may just be because that is the first one I read. Terry Prachett and Douglas Adams are amusing, Christoper Moore is fabulously funny.
Susan Bennett is the most perfect person to read this book, she should win an audie for this series.
Ruarr!!! it's a thing, beware of my awesome scariness.
12 of 13 people found this review helpful
Moore is hilarious and Bennett is the perfect narrator for his books. I'm always wanting Moore.
5 of 5 people found this review helpful
In the almost 20 years since I started "reading" with my ears I've listened to literally hundreds of books, and this is the 1st time I've been moved to write a review. Not only is this the best thing Moore's ever written (and I've heard or read and thoroughly enjoyed all of his books), it is probably the funniest thing I've ever listened to. The writing is crisp, inventive and hysterically clever, and the reader, Susan Bennett, is absolutely brilliant! While I thought all of her character voices were excellent, her rendition of Abbey Normal just about had me rolling on the floor time and again.
I really cannot say enough about how entertaining this audible book was for me. Don't miss it! If the combination of Mr. Moore's writing and Ms. Bennett's narration doesn't make you laugh out loud, you're deluding yourself about having a sense of humor.
I sincerely hope Christopher Moore isn't done with this cast of oddballs -- Abbey Normal is now one of my all time favorite literary characters and I would happily listen to any story that includes her distinctive and delightful point of view, especially if she's given voice by Ms. Bennett. Abbey rocks my stripey socks! So, enjoy, people. We could all use a good laugh!
5 of 5 people found this review helpful
I am generally done with the whole vampire thing - I had a serious Anne Rice obsession about 20 years ago and haven't been that impressed with the updated genre. I will gladly set my cynicism aside for Christopher Moore though - he can do little wrong in my eyes and I am totally biased when it comes to reviewing his work. This book is so silly and smart at the same time it entertains the entire way through. Susan Bennett does an amazing job at bringing all of the oddball characters to life - it took some getting used to because there are more male characters than females but she more than handled the challenge. Come prepared for some campy fun and B-movie sci-fi action - and whatever you do,don't let anyone shave your huge cat.
4 of 4 people found this review helpful