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Bite Me Audiobook

Bite Me: A Love Story

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Publisher's Summary

"The city of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge, shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay Area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public. Whoa. And this is a love story? Yup.

"‘Cept there’s no whining. See, while some lovers were born to run, Jody and Tommy were born to bite. Well, reborn, that is, now that they're vampires. Good thing theirs is an undying love, since their Goth Girl Friday, Abby Normal, imprisoned them in a bronze statue. Abby wants to be a blood sucking fiend, too, but right now she’s really busy with other stuff, like breaking in a pair of red vinyl thigh-high Skankenstein® platform boots and wrangling her Ph.D.-candidate boyfriend, Steve (the love monkey). And then there’s that vampire cat Chet, who’s getting bigger and smarter—and thirstier—by the minute. Abby thought she and Steve could handle the kitty cat on their own, mais non."

Before you can say “OMG! WTF?” Tommy and Jody are sprung from captivity, and join forces with Abby, Steve, the frozen-turkey-bowling Safeway crew, the Emperor of San Francisco and his trusty dogs Lazarus and Bummer, Abby’s gay Goth friend Jared, and SF’s finest Cavuto and Rivera to hunt big cat and save the city. And that’s when the fun really begins.

©2010 Christopher Moore (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers

What the Critics Say

"Moore’s most hysterical ‘love story’ to date." (Booklist)

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.4 (2101 )
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  •  
    Ron Oregon City, OR, United States 03-30-10
    Ron Oregon City, OR, United States 03-30-10 Member Since 2006
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    "WOW!!!"

    Very rarely do I believe anything in life is worthy a perfect score, however Bite Me has earned this exception. Christopher Moore is one of the greatest authors/story-tellers of all time and Bite Me is the epitome of his talent. Very rarely do you come across an author that possesses the talent to evoke our raw emotions, and even rarer in a fictional environment. And not to short change Susan Bennett as her incredible narrative talent and multiple voices most certainly helped bring this story to life.

    I am a big proponent of not spoiling a story and therefore will limit my comments. Rest assured however, Bite Me and the two other books in this series (Blood Sucking Fiends and You Suck) are truly worthy of your time.

    Bite Me does a superb job of tying-up the loose strings left after You Suck. I am in awe of Christopher Moore’s literary ability used to develop the characters over the course of these three novels. I can’t help but feel the same love, compassion and concern one might have for a non fictional character. I now truly understand the meaning (and emotions) of a bitter-sweet ending. Although I believe Bite Me will be the last chapter in this current saga, I do hope the author guy chooses to continue bringing back our favorite characters. Certainly the inspectors will be back and who can’t imagine the fun and troubles of Abby and Lilly. As I don’t want to spoil anything, I will only say that there are two other characters that I hope might find their way back.

    Bottom line; read, re-read and then read again the three Christopher Moore vampire books (or should I say listen to).

    16 of 16 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jim "The Impatient" 11-03-12 Member Since 2016

    My taste differs from kid books to gory horror books.

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    "Ruarrr!!!"

    Abby Normal is all about Kissing her boyfriend and then slapping him so he won't think she is a slut and stuff. Abby Normal Rocks and the most awesome minion. So she has no hips, almost flat chested and weighs 90 pounds, she is the greatest character I have ever come across. Slap you!! I'm no slut, well unless you want me to be.

    This being the third book and all bout Abby Normal and stuff it is most awesome. OMFG!!!
    Read these books in any order you want, I liked the second book best, but they may just be because that is the first one I read. Terry Prachett and Douglas Adams are amusing, Christoper Moore is fabulously funny.

    Susan Bennett is the most perfect person to read this book, she should win an audie for this series.

    Ruarr!!! it's a thing, beware of my awesome scariness.

    11 of 11 people found this review helpful
  •  
    neonesf1 03-24-10
    neonesf1 03-24-10
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    "k-so this book is frickin hilarious!"

    I literaly wet myself I was laughing so hard.

    Mr Moore has outdone himself, and I dont think any other narrater than Susan Bennett could have done this reading justice.

    Listen to this one on the weekend. If your at work or in the car your going to get some strange looks when you burst out laughing.

    11 of 11 people found this review helpful
  •  
    colleen ANCHORAGE, AK, United States 03-22-12
    colleen ANCHORAGE, AK, United States 03-22-12 Member Since 2017

    My favorite genres are absurdist humor, Sci-fi & modern fantasy, but, as you can see, I'll read just about anything. Don't mind the typos.

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    "Kayso...."

    You have to read this book. Read it. Listen to it. Sleep with it under your pillow. It's so unblevablly funny I love it!

    19 of 20 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Michael Richmond, VA, USA 04-02-10
    Michael Richmond, VA, USA 04-02-10 Member Since 2016
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    "Great Narration, funny story"

    Christopher Moore yet again writes an incredibly funny sequel to "You Suck: A Love Story" which is a sequel to "Bloodsucking Fiends". This story contains vapirous cats, rats, an emperor and other surprises that keep the story funny and interesting.

    Susan Bennett does a fantastic job narrating the characters in this book. From the cool Jody to the chipper (yet in perpetual despair) teen goth Abby Normal, to the lispy Jarrett, Susan's delivery adds to the funny.

    I highly recommended "Bite Me" to those who can handle a funny (yet at times crude) story that adds new dimensions to the age old vampire story. Also, any potential downloader must not be sensitive to a story containing curse words (the book doesn't overdo cursing, but it is in there and many are very sensitive to it)

    8 of 8 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Donna Shaker Heights, OH, United States 03-30-10
    Donna Shaker Heights, OH, United States 03-30-10 Member Since 2015
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    "He Rocked My Stripy Socks!"

    I loved Blood Sucking Fiends and You Suck. Reading them was funny, listening to the brilliant narrative efforts of Susan Bennett, is downright side splitting. As I am one who can listen while she works, I should have thought better about playing Bite Me while I attempted to do so. I'm sure my co-workers thought I was having seizures while I tried to control my laughter. If there is anything funnier or more entertaining, I have yet to hear it. Without giving anything away, I will say that Mr. Moore is totally brilliant and that his sense of humor lends itself artfully to his work. Hearing is believing and I believe that to not give Bite Me a listen to would truly 'Suck and Bite'

    7 of 7 people found this review helpful
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    Leilah Mustang, OK, United States 05-06-10
    Leilah Mustang, OK, United States 05-06-10 Member Since 2012

    Say something about yourself!

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    "OMFG"

    I love this series! Abby Normal is the funniest most sarcastic and annoying character I have ever met. She makes the book for me.

    6 of 6 people found this review helpful
  •  
    James Grosse Pointe Park, MI, United States 04-24-10
    James Grosse Pointe Park, MI, United States 04-24-10 Member Since 2017
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    "No Better Light Reading"

    Moore is hilarious and Bennett is the perfect narrator for his books. I'm always wanting Moore.

    5 of 5 people found this review helpful
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    Ann Hankamer Scottsdale, AZ United States 04-08-10
    Ann Hankamer Scottsdale, AZ United States 04-08-10 Member Since 2015
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    "I'd give it 6 stars if I could!"

    In the almost 20 years since I started "reading" with my ears I've listened to literally hundreds of books, and this is the 1st time I've been moved to write a review. Not only is this the best thing Moore's ever written (and I've heard or read and thoroughly enjoyed all of his books), it is probably the funniest thing I've ever listened to. The writing is crisp, inventive and hysterically clever, and the reader, Susan Bennett, is absolutely brilliant! While I thought all of her character voices were excellent, her rendition of Abbey Normal just about had me rolling on the floor time and again.

    I really cannot say enough about how entertaining this audible book was for me. Don't miss it! If the combination of Mr. Moore's writing and Ms. Bennett's narration doesn't make you laugh out loud, you're deluding yourself about having a sense of humor.

    I sincerely hope Christopher Moore isn't done with this cast of oddballs -- Abbey Normal is now one of my all time favorite literary characters and I would happily listen to any story that includes her distinctive and delightful point of view, especially if she's given voice by Ms. Bennett. Abbey rocks my stripey socks! So, enjoy, people. We could all use a good laugh!

    5 of 5 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Kim Spokane, WA, United States 07-01-13
    Kim Spokane, WA, United States 07-01-13 Member Since 2009

    Addicted to audiobooks & podcasts. 5 Stars=I Loved It, 4 Stars=Enjoyed it Thoroughly, 3=Kinda Good, 2=Bad/Boring, 1=Complete Waste of Credit

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    "Fun and Fangtastic"

    I am generally done with the whole vampire thing - I had a serious Anne Rice obsession about 20 years ago and haven't been that impressed with the updated genre. I will gladly set my cynicism aside for Christopher Moore though - he can do little wrong in my eyes and I am totally biased when it comes to reviewing his work. This book is so silly and smart at the same time it entertains the entire way through. Susan Bennett does an amazing job at bringing all of the oddball characters to life - it took some getting used to because there are more male characters than females but she more than handled the challenge. Come prepared for some campy fun and B-movie sci-fi action - and whatever you do,don't let anyone shave your huge cat.

    4 of 4 people found this review helpful

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