Sh-t My Dad Says

By: Justin Halpern

Narrated by: Sean Schemmel

Length: 3 hrs and 8 mins

Publisher's summary

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”

“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”

“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”

More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.

An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers

Critic reviews

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times best-selling author of Stuff White People Like)

Best audio book for a road trip

We had a long car drive and this book entertained us. I cannot remember the last time I laughed until I cried. If you love your family members despite their faults, you will love this book.

phenomenal

This audiobook is very well done. Hilarious listen. I enjoyed every minute! As a father of two with one on the way, I can totally relate to this!

"Bullshit"

Pure awesome bullshit! My husband and I loved this book. Love the shit the dad says and we also love the story of the relationship between the two. awesome!

Hilarious

The writer clearly describes how his father was crudely direct yet deeply loving in a very comical way! Too bad it wasn’t longer.

Never Laughed So Hard

What an amazing book!! I loved it from beginning to end. I believe everyone know I man like this and all you can do it laugh. But there is a warm side to him. It shows you can be tough but still loving. A++

Sh!t this is a good read!!

What did you love best about Sh-t My Dad Says?

I like all the quotes between chapters. They are hilarious! It was a LMFAO read and worth every penny.

What other book might you compare Sh-t My Dad Says to and why?

The new book in the series I suck at girls is just as good if not better.

What aspect of Sean Schemmel’s performance would you have changed?

It needed to be more upbeat and emotional.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

The whole book moved me but the quotes were the best part.

Any additional comments?

If you like the twitter feed or if you liked the TV show then you will like this book.

Absolutely LOVED IT!!!!

If you could sum up Sh-t My Dad Says in three words, what would they be?

Awesome! Very Entertaining.

What was one of the most memorable moments of Sh-t My Dad Says?

When Justin didn't want to sleep in the same room as his grandpa and his dad said "what the fuck makes you think grandpa wants to share a room with you?!" "you know what, lets go ask him."

Have you listened to any of Sean Schemmel’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

No I haven't but I definitely will.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

Same as the name of this book, Shit My Dad Says

Any additional comments?

If you are looking for something to listen to and unwind after a stressful day of work, or if you just wanna relax in general, this is a great title to listen to. I didn't even feel like i wanna sleep. :)

Everyone's father in the form of a cussing Doctor!

I caught myself laughing to the point of crying. The scenarios may be different, and my father may not be as "vocal", but this is my dad and my relationship with him. Makes me want to call him on his flip phone just to check on him and his tractors. Thank you!

Laughed the whole way through.

Would you consider the audio edition of Sh-t My Dad Says to be better than the print version?

I do not have the printed version, but I thought of this question a lot while listening to it. In my opinion, the audio version has to be a better experience due to the way he narrates the book. I don't think you'd get the same inflections with the printed version.

What was one of the most memorable moments of Sh-t My Dad Says?

Every one of the times the dad talks. I will be listening to this multiple times.

What does Sean Schemmel bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

He brings an almost sitcom quality to the things that are said in the book.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

Wisdom From My Dad

Funny but vulgar.

Funny but vulgar. Seems to mention masturbation more than needed. It will make you laugh.