Love in a F*cked-Up World

How to Build Relationships, Hook Up, and Raise Hell, Together

By: Dean Spade

Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins

Publisher's summary

We all know it takes guts and creativity to fight for justice. But how often do we put those same qualities to work in our most intimate relationships? In this inspiring self-help handbook, luminary trans activist and author of Mutual Aid Dean Spade dares us to be the change we want to see—both out in the world, and in our closest connections.

Around the globe, people are faced with spiraling crises, from the pandemic and climate change-induced disasters to the ongoing horrors of mass incarceration, racist policing, endemic gender violence, and severe wealth inequality. Many of us feel mobilized to organize and collectively combat these issues on both a personal and political level, often dedicating our lives to the fight for collective liberation.

But even those of us who long for change seem to have trouble when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Too often we think of our political values as outward-facing positions against dominant systems of power. Rarely, if ever, do we pursue the same kind of justice close to home, in our personal connections. Many activist projects and resistance groups fall apart because people treat each other poorly, trying desperately to live out the cultural myths about dating and relationships that we are fed from an early age.

How do we divest from the idea that one romantic partner will be the solution to all our problems? How do we separate our expectations of love from the troubling dynamics left to us by our parents? How do we bring our best thinking about freedom and justice into step with our desires for healing and connection?

Lifelong activist and educator Dean Spade dares us to decide that our interpersonal actions are not separate from our politics of liberation and resistance. Love in a F*cked-Up World is a resounding call to action and a practical manifesto for how to combat cultural scripts and take our relationships into our own hands, preparing us for the work of changing the world.

©2025 Dean Spade (P)2025 Algonquin Books

Critic reviews

"Compassionate, clarifying, and profoundly wise, Love in a F*cked Up World is radical leftist thought leader Dean Spade's latest gift to anyone interested in the intersection of love and justice... In this clear and highly practical book, Spade offers an enormously helpful map for creating relationships—whether friendly, sexual, and/or romantic—that feed and strengthen not only the individuals involved, but their communities and social commitments as well... This is the book I desperately needed when I first joined social justice movements as a teenager, and I am so very grateful that activists of all ages may read it now."—Kai Cheng Thom, author of Falling Back in Love with Being Human: Letters to Lost Souls