I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)

Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power

By: Brené Brown

Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang

Length: 10 hrs and 44 mins

Publisher's Summary

The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. We spend too much precious time and energy managing perception and creating carefully edited versions of ourselves to show to the world. As hard as we try, we can't seem to turn off the tapes that fill our heads with messages like, Never good enough! and What will people think? 

Why? What fuels this unattainable need to look like we always have it all together? At first glance, we might think its because we admire perfection, but that's not the case. We are actually the most attracted to people we consider to be authentic and down-to-earth. We love people who are real; we're drawn to those who both embrace their imperfections and radiate self-acceptance. 

There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what, and how were supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism, and blame by seeking safety in pretending and perfection. 

Based on seven years of ground-breaking research and hundreds of interviews, I Thought It Was Just Me shines a long-overdue light on an important truth: Our imperfections are what connect us to each other and to our humanity. Our vulnerabilities are not weaknesses; they are powerful reminders to keep our hearts and minds open to the reality that we're all in this together. 

As Dr. Brown writes, "We need our lives back. It's time to reclaim the gifts of imperfection - the courage to be real, the compassion we need to love ourselves and others, and the connection that gives true purpose and meaning to life. These are the gifts that bring love, laughter, gratitude, empathy and joy into our lives."

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2007 Brené Brown (P)2010 Audible, Inc.

Critic Reviews

"Brené Brown’s ability to explore shame and resilience with humor, vulnerability and honesty is both uplifting and liberating. If we want to change our lives, our relationships or even the world, we must start by understanding and overcoming the shame that keeps us silent. This important and hopeful book offers a bold new perspective on the power of telling our stories." (Professor Jody Williams, 1997 Nobel Peace Prize Recipient; Campaign Ambassador, International Campaign to Ban Landmines)

"Grounded in exceptional scholarship and filled with inspiring stories, this is one of those rare books that has the potential to turn lives around." (Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger)

" I Thought It Was Just Me can be a doorway to freedom and self-esteem for many, many readers. (Martha Beck, Ph.D., columnist, O, The Oprah Magazine, and author of Finding Your Own North Star)

Important points, anemic delivery

What was most disappointing about Brené Brown’s story?

This book makes a number of interesting and relevant points. Unfortunately it’s not a smooth read/listen – it is much longer and more repetitive than it needs to be. The book has the appearance of something that was adapted from a thesis, but wasn’t rearranged to be reader friendly. I think that Brown’s evaluation of shame vs. humiliation vs. embarrassment is very important. I just wish it had been more clearly conveyed.

Did Lauren Fortgang do a good job differentiating all the characters? How?

Fortgang did a good job narrating this book. She sounded compassionate and sincere, and conveyed the emotion that I think Brown intended.

Any additional comments?

I believe the book could have been streamlined. Sharpening the points and examples and making the book about half the length would have made it far stronger.

The last book

Any additional comments?

I have a friend who is always saying he is looking for his last book, meaning something so good and powerful that searching for another perspective is not worth the time. I suggested I have found the last author, but not the last book. Brene Brown is moving, enlightening and so real. I have re-read her books several times. I feel like I was swallowed up as a broken soul and soothed until I could stand on my feet again. I'm not alone, I'm not perfect, I'm just me. I learned that practicing what I believe means loving myself and those around me for who they are, not what they are. Practicing each day means making my life fulfilling and happy. Practicing the art of loving without constraint, without parameters, without any restriction at all is what I want in my life. WOW! Incredible author.

I started with The Gifts of Imperfection. I listened 3 times (in a row no less!) and I have given away 20 copies of the book.

I suggest that if you are looking for your last good book then you have found your last author instead.

Didn't think it was just women (but it is)

Didn't get any indication that this book was exclusively about women. The author is pretty much only talking about women's contexts and its often difficult to relate or even remember why I'm listening. The book itself is great, a lot of good information and good work in here but the title or subtitle should have said something about the book being specifically relevant for women.

Every time I think she's shown me at all…

I have read three of Brene Brown's other books before I read this one. I had no idea how much this one would change how I felt. In some ways I wish I had read this one first, but at the same time having already dabbled in her theories I was more familiar with what she was talking about. I will forever be changed from reading this book.

Missing Brene's own Vulnerability Voice

If you are one of the squillions who have watched Brene Brown on TedTalks or Oprah's Super Soul Sunday you may empathize with my review. I missed hearing the book narrated by Brene Brown herself. Lauren Fortgang's effort was not without merit, however after having been engaged by watching Brene then buying the books I missed her delivery of her own words.

The book itself was worth the investment, I've listened twice since purchasing.

I'm sure its great if you are a mother ....

I'm sure this book has a lot to offer to most women; unfortunately not so much for me. Most of the book focuses on motherhood and parenting.. I don't have children, so could not relate a good deal of the time and lost interest.

Interesting but not for me

Definitely there were parts that I appreciated for being insightful and explaining things, soon the book became pretty boring and repetitive as it constantly circled around the issues of parenting and family.
I'm in my mid 20s, I'm still a student, and I have no interest in creating a family, let alone having children. A lot of the examples and discussions in the book simply weren't for me. I might re-visit it in 10-15 years when it becomes more relevant. That's really the only thing about this book that dissatisfied me, and of course that's a very subjective reason.

Such great material

I really enjoyed this book. The narrator was good however I prefer when read by Brene herself. There is so much helpful information in this book to help understand shame in our own lives and others. I will relisten to this book again soon because the material is so rich and I have so much to implement in my own life and work. Thanks Brene and support team!

Required Reading for Humankind

Would you listen to I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) again? Why?

I will most certainly listen again for the insight and information. But the narration should've been done by the author.

What was the most compelling aspect of this narrative?

The story-like writing style

What do you think the narrator could have done better?

She did fine; I've just heard the author in interviews and I prefer the timbre of her voice.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

Towards the end the author begins discussing her new research with men. While women seem to be caught in a web she finds that men are put in a box and punished when they try to escape. It reminded me of when my little brother started getting teased and bullied when he got too old (7 or 8 years old) not to stay in the box. Broke my heart again.

Good self-help book; not well-suited for audio.

I thouroughly enjoyed Brené Brown's TED talks on vulnerability and shame; I had hoped that this book would be an expansion on those discussions by the author.
This book contains a lot of useful information and interesting anecdotes regarding overcoming shame, embracing reality, and having compassion for oneself and others. However, it is not written in a style that works well with audio. It contains many parts that I would just skim in a print book; it has reader exercises that would be more useful in a visual format; and there are parts that I would like to mark, think about, and come back to (not ealily done in this audio format).
A critique of the material is that it seems to focus primarily on women like Brown, herself: white, educated, mid-upper income, etc. Though there is a nod here and there to people who are not in those categories, it is pretty clear that this book does not do much to address the broader experience of people outside Brown's comfort zone. Then again, the audience that actually buys self-help books like this is primarily comprised of women, white, educated, mid-upper income, etc. (including me).

I Think it is Just Me….

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

I think it might just be me, but this is not as good as the other audiobooks narrated by Brene Brown as she has her own style and delivers the stories with great humour.

Nevertheless this is a good audiobook, that discusses Brene's research on shame and in so doing helps us to have a greater understanding of shame.

How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?

If the book were read by the author.

What three words best describe Lauren Fortgang’s voice?

There was nothing wrong with the narration, but Brene Brown is more upbeat and really funny. The problem with the narration is that at times I could not work out if the narrator was referring to Brene or to someone in the research group.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

This is not a book that I could listen to in one sitting and some of the work takes time to reflect on.

Any additional comments?

A good audiobook filled with lots of interesting stories, but this would be better still if delivered by the author herself.

Not exactly as described.

I gave up halfway through this book. I found aspects of the first half interesting and it certainly focused on a topic I was interested in. However, what was not clear from the product summary was that this book (certainly to the point I read) is exclusively about shame in female subjects. While this should not be a barrier to males per se, it did make it kind of hard for me to connect past a certain point. I could relate to many of the stories and examples but ultimately felt that I was not the target of this book and just wish that was clearer in the description. I am sure I could have pushed through and finished it - it was by no means awful - but there are many more books on my list that I'd rather pick up instead.

Fascinating insight into universal shame

A powerful book that plunges into the depth of the shame trap. I'm a male reader and found it incredibly illuminating. Many lessons and insights, a book that will hopefully lead to me becoming a better, more compassionate parent, partner, friend and colleague. Would highly recommend it for absolutely anyone.

Missed opportunity.

Well, I have an interest in the subject and got this as one of my 2-for-1 deals.

The other reviews mention that Dr Brown only talks about women. Well yes; that IS her speciality. So if you're a guy, this is probably going to annoy you. I'm female and it was annoying me.

The book itself is horribly written. If you're expecting a "this is what shame is, this is how it's triggered, this is how we deal with it, this is how we should deal with it" then don't bother. The author jumps around all over the place; if they had an editor, they should fire them and if they didn't, they should hire one.

After struggling through the first part of the download, I actually gave up at the start of part 2. It was just about Dr Brown's experiences and how people have emailed her telling her how clever she is. Well if I want to read an advert, I will. That was self-congratulation and provided zero insight into the subject matter. If Dr Brown feels the need for validation, then go and get it somewhere else, not by padding an already padded book. I doubt there's actually more than two hours of real content in this book.

The narrator isn't terrible but she is working with terrible material. She's a bit high-pitched and has that bizarre American trait of sing-songing sentences. You'll hear it on the sample and either despise it or be able to deal with it.

Unfortunately, a lot of these "shame experiences" are women not standing up for themselves, playing the one-upmanship game and losing and being the "nothing is ever my fault; it's society" card. Which is really galling for those of us who have worked hard to be taken seriously without expecting everyone to allow us to work to a lower standard because we're female.

What could have been an empowering book giving women a way to identify what is upsetting and how to remove the power it has over you, is written to give women a pass to say "it isn't your fault"; society sucks. Sometimes it does, but complaining about how your choices slapped you in the face isn't society's fault. Yet another "nothing is my fault" set of excuses.

Seriously I want my half-credit back.

Astounding

Should be on every single person's reading list. In one week I've overcome a massive hurdle and have started moving forward. Utterly brilliant

This information will benefit everyone.

I've been slower to get upset or jump to conclusions when others act in a way that doesn't seem right. I've found myself to stop and analyse the situation. I feel like I'm more in charge of my actions / reactions - that feels good. I also feel more compassion for others. I'm slower to condemn. It just makes me feel good.

Great insight into shame and perfectionism

Great insight into shame especially as a shame to see how we are socially wired and made to feel from a young age, depending on your environment and parents. not much in the way of coping techniques but still a very relatable breakdown of shame and the importance of courage and vubrebiliity in order to truly connect and to begin to heal and form better relationships

Well worth the listsn

Obviously one of her earlier books but a very valuable listen and resource. At first I missed having it read by Brene Brown herself, but very soon I forgot it wasn't her. The reader is gpod

Life changing

Wow, this changed my perspective on life so much. As a 'shame prone' person, I've found a tremendous wealth of information and support from this book.

life changing buy this book

This book has finally unlocked the pain I have been carrying for over 40 years. wonderful book read by a warm narrator.