The Tao of Fully Feeling

Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame

By: Pete Walker

Narrated by: Christopher Grove

Length: 13 hrs and 3 mins

Publisher's summary

The price of emotional renunciation is a constant, wasteful expenditure of energy that leaves us depressed and taciturn, imprisoned in the apathy and ennui of the "seen that, been there, done that" syndrome. When we surrender and soften to our feelings, we reconnect with our inborn vitality and with the invaluable instinct and intuition that our feelings naturally carry.  

The Tao of Fully Feeling describes the middle ground of emotional aliveness that lies between emotional deadness and emotional explosiveness. It helps us to soften and relax into our feelings without exiling them or enshrining them. It guides us to be emotionally expressive in benign, intimacy-enhancing ways.  

The Tao of Fully Feeling teaches us to respond to our painful and potentially disruptive feelings in healthy ways. It illustrates the enriching aspects of the so-called negative emotions and helps us achieve the emotional flexibility whereby sadness easily mellows into solace, anger unfolds into laughter, fear evolves into excitement, jealousy opens up into appreciation, and blame gives way to forgiveness.  

The Tao of Fully Feeling refutes the black-and-white notion that blame is never justifiable. It describes safe, nondestructive ways of feeling and expressing blame - ways that ironically enhance our capacity to feel genuine forgiveness.  

When we authentically forgive our parents, we know what we are forgiving them for and what specifically was blameworthy about their behavior in the first place. When we forgive before we blame, we risk dragging the full weight of our childhood hurt and anger around forever, like an exhausted backpacker who is too dulled and over-trusting to notice that someone has put a boulder in his/her pack.

©1995 Pete Walker (P)2019 Tantor

Monotone Narrator Kind of Ironic for Fully Feeling

I love Pete Walker and have benefitted immensely from his work. I wish he'd narrated this audio book himself or had chosen someone who was more skilled at emoting while reading. The narrator's monotone wasn't just less than ideal, it interfered with my ability to track the material, understand it, and to retain it afterward. I'm glad that I also got the text edition of this work so that I can more fully absorb it by reading it.

A MUST READ to heal childhood emotional wounds

A MUST READ to help heal childhood emotional wounds from poor parenting, even by parents who really tried their best and didn't mean to be cruel. Dr. Pete Walker has thoroughly explored and explained how to access the emotional self that has been silenced and stultified—all but lost— in folks who find themselves doing searches for this kind of literature.

Deeeeeep

I wasn't sure I could finish it at first. Emotions welled up and I soaked my pillow in tears one night while crying for my mommy. Just as a child would. He taps into a deep place of repressed emotions that even I, as someone who has done a lot of work and is very expressive, had not yet ventured. He made it safe for me to admit that I missed the mother I never had-- that idealized person of warmth and nurturance that every child deserves. Although I've had to go no contact with my mom due to ongoing abuse, I was still sad to not have a mommy, to have been abandoned long ago. This book helped me release that final pain. And it helped me identify all the insidious ways I was abused and allowed to be advised by others.

The narrators voice also feels warm, protective, authentic, adding to that sense that this is a safe place to feel. I'm incredibly grateful for all of this author's works.

#GAMECHANGER

I LOVED EVERY PLACE PETE WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO TAKE ME IN THIS BOOK, IT COULD BE CALLED STRANGE PLACES WITHIN. I WANT EVERY PERSON WITHIN MY LITTLE SCOPE OF INFLUENCE TO LISTEN TO THIS BOOK. THERE IS SOMETHING FOR ALL TO DISCOVER ABOUT THEMSELVES AS PETE WITH ELEGANT INTENTIONALITY POSE THOSE QUESTIONS THAT LIE IN WAIT JUST BENEATH THE SURFACE OF WHAT WE WANT OTHERS TO INTERPRET AS INDIVIDUALITY. IF GROWTH IS WHAT YOU SEEK, THEN SURELY YOU'LL BE CHANGED.

This book will heal you

Probably the most healing book I've listened to yet. I feel validated, understood, and like I have the tools to make things better.

A transformative, moving listen still relevant today.

I’m not even sure where to start on how personally beneficial listening to this audiobook has been to me and how much I connected with Pete Walker’s words. So many times something was delivered that I immediately connected with and had so many moments of realizations and actual feelings of grief for myself, for others who suffered and continue to suffer abuse and even the author himself as he described his own abuse. It was sometimes hard to listen to the common abusive dialogue that happens and I found myself needing a break at times, but the impact and the power of letting yourself truly feel is priceless, as well as the affirmations offered and the concept of parenting our own inner child. Having listened to the audiobook, I plan to buy physical book copies to give to others I know who may benefit from this book. Truly worth it.

Too personal

The author spends way too much time on his personal story, at one point I felt he assumes we’ve been though something similar.

the narrators is painful hard to listen to!

I just purchased this audio and was super excited to start listening to it but from the first moment I put it on it has me squeezing my ears! the reader voice is absolutely awful! I put it off after 2 minus cause the voice is very irritating! cold, harsh and robotic. doesn't at all match the style of book this is.

life changing

This man has saved my life with his books. The letter to son in the book was one of the most life changing moments I've had in a long time.

The voice

I literally can’t get past the voice actor. Please make options available, I legit got a headache.

Hundreds of chapters

Great book but the chapter structure is seriously flawed. There's a new chapter for every heading, some only seconds long. Makes navigating the book almost impossible. If you want to go back and listen to an actual chapter you'll have trouble finding it. Spoiled an otherwise important book.

Excellent recovery work for the unloved child

Amazing follow-on to reading Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Would recommend reading a few years after, as these books are intense and contain so much for your mind and body to process. Pete Walker has played a huge role in me being able to recover from childhood abuse. Highly recommended.

Not quite the same...

Not quite the same impact as his cptsd book which was excellent writing, and you don't HAVE to forgive.

Life Changer

This book and Pete Walkers "from surviving to thriving" have given me the understanding and the tools to finally live with freedom and better relationships. Everyone could benefit from learning about trauma and its lasting effects and how to treat it. Thank you x

A gift to us

I have now had the pleasure of having listened to both of Pete's books and words cannot describe the joy and relief that I got, knowing that I as t mad or crazy. It out life and let's share the love, learnings, and laughs x

Groundbreaking

Pete Walker’s discoveries and writing here have been nothing short of revolutionary for me. Both The Tao of Fully Feeling and complex PTSD books have been instrumental in my understanding and recovery from the grip of childhood trauma that had continued to adversely affect life as an adult. Thank you very much, Pete!

Excellent!

This is a fantastic insightful book of excellencies! Deep honest and full of wisdom and insight. Highly recommend and I’m now off to devour Pete Walkers “ Surviving to Thriving”

I am NOT finding the narration poor, it's FINE!

Just wanted to counter the number of reviews complaining about the narration. I don't know what's wrong with it. He's not shouting, it's a normal enough (American) accent. I don't get it.
I'm only about 3 hours in and this is a very easy book to listen to, I'm finding it easier listening than his first book which was very intense I guess. This is kind of soothing for somebody whose parents never listened, and used shame and manipulation to keep me in line. We're estranged at the moment and they will only make up if I accept their narrative that they're perfect and I'm to blame. I am listening to this relating to a lot.
UPDATE, this is an amazing listen. Normally I drift off if I listen to audios for too long but this held my attention absolutely. It was soothing and hopeful without ever being remotely trite. I understand now that the way to the peace of forgiveness is through anger. I will get to the point where the anger passes and that will be it. Forcing forgiveness prematurely is not pushed here.

Immensely helpful

I’m a member of a 12 Step group and was looking for something which dealt with the results of chaotic and sometimes abusive parenting. This has a broad approach to the subject matter, is eloquently written and backed up with plenty of personal experience. I liked it’s approach in defining what emotional sobriety could look like, so much so I bought a hard copy.

Unfortunately the reading is not great

I wouldn't suggest this book as an audiobook. It's read with a very unnerving speed and tone. listening to it makes me nervous, not relaxed. The content seems to be great though. I'm going to buy it as a book and read it.