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Publisher's Summary

The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others. 

However, this type of destructive manipulation isn't just limited to narcissists and sociopaths. There is no shortage of people with well-intended bad advice out there who unintentionally fall into the FOG as well and push targets of abuse into keeping the relationship going.

The FOG is one of the main reasons that people stay "stuck" in abusive relationships for so long, why they continue to get involved with abusive people, why they feel they are the problem, and why they tend to feel that the abuse is somehow their fault. When a person is being manipulated, they have a hard time figuring out who has the problem, what is normal, what is problematic, and if their wants, needs, and feelings are valid. The disastrous effects of being lost in the FOG are confusion, crazy-making, people-pleasing, and an erosion of boundaries. What makes this well-intended bad advice so damaging is that, on the surface, it seems like good advice - especially if it's coming from people who seem to have our best interests in mind, such as friends, family, church members, support-group members, or a therapist.

Some examples of this well-intended bad advice that comes from other people is: "Who are you to judge?", "No one is perfect", "You need to forgive them", "She's your mother, you need to have a relationship with her...she's not getting any younger you know", and "Commitment is forever".

This audiobook dives into these and other commonly confused topics such as:

  • "Who are you to judge" vs. being discerning
  • "You need to forgive them" vs. keeping yourself safe
  • A parent vs. a predator
  • Commitment vs. codependency
  • Self-love vs. selfishness
  • A person acting the part vs. a person actually changing
  • Gut instincts vs. hypervigilance
  • A friend vs. someone being friendly
  • Caring vs. caretaking
©2017 Dana Morningstar (P)2019 Dana Morningstar

What listeners say about Out of the Fog

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I think my audio download is messed up...

A whole bunch of chapters and "real life experiences" were repeated multiple times. Furthermore, it seemed some of the material was from the Author's first book (Start Here, I believe is the name).

The information was great, but after 5 to 8 times of re-listening to the same material, things became annoying. The first book was great. I really hope I just got a glitch with the download. I'm returning and letting Audible customer know.

10 people found this helpful

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Not for me

I loved Dana's website, so I was surprised that I didn't like the book much. Most of the book was repetitive and vague. Maybe I was expecting too much, but this book wasn't for me.

8 people found this helpful

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Disappointed

I was very excited to find this book after seeing the positive reviews. I got about halfway through, pushing myself to give the author a chance. What concerns me is that in every chapter I listened to, the author makes a negative connection to her experience with therapy. I’m all for people sharing their experience, but it would have been sufficient to limit those ‘opinions’ to the first/chapters and focusing on more objective material.

6 people found this helpful

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There is something wrong - repetitions everywhere

The content is absolutely excellent, the narrator likewise. If you're looking for insight, help, and self validation of your reality in this area, it is an absolute *must read*.

The problem is, there isn't as much content as the length indicates as many chapters start repeating at random.. verbatim. There are probably only 2/3 hours of non repeat recording. Not really sure whats up with that, but really ought to be pull out and fixed. Have never experienced this with any other book.

2 people found this helpful

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Great but a bit offended

I think this book is great. I’ve been in and out of a relationship with a narcissist. Both emotional and physical abuse. This book helped validate me in all my feelings and emotions. The reason I gave it a lower star is because I was offended by how addiction was portrayed in the book. Yes, I’m an addict (in recovery) but it seems like she thinks addiction is more of a moral issue and not a disease. And that if you are an addict, you can’t or won’t change. I don’t agree with that at all and I was slightly offended. That being said, I’d still recommend this book. It answers a lot of questions.

2 people found this helpful

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Dana is guessing

She misused several specific psychological terms like sociopath ( she meant psychopath) . Her analysis tend to be too black and white . The devil is in the details and I felt like this was much too pointed at the narcissistic tendencies in men and not enough exposure on our equally psychologically abusive counterparts. Bit of a pity party.

1 person found this helpful

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much needed

wowzer if there was a way to explain what I am going through this hit every topic and yes I'm going to survive and day by day my confidence is coming! thank you for giving the words and help, plus validation not going crazy! I'm going to reread this book in a couple to reevaluated where I'm at.

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Life changing

I recommend to everyone wether you are a victim currently in the abuse or coming out of abuse or love some one being abused. Truly insightful. Thank you for the Gift!

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A Must-Read!

This book is a life saver and sanity saver. It is helping me recover from an abusive relationship and breakup, but I wish it was required reading in highschool, before anyone started dating. A healthy person can't fathom the thoughts and actions of the unhealthy, which makes it easy for us to blindly fall into manipulative traps by seemingly "good" people. This book explains traits to look for as a preventative and healing clarity, but also great for those supporting others to validate their experience with trauma.

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Excellent

This book is a life saver. I'm so grateful to have read it. this author hit the nail on the head of what I have gone through and it helps to me to see the light at the end of the tunnel and move towards it. do not hesitate to get this book.

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  • Gemma Boyd
  • 08-22-20

A life-changing read

Thank you so much, Dana, for this book. It’s been a touchstone for me during a very dark two-year period of coming to terms with and waking up to the abusive relationships of my past (too many), and navigating my way out of them. I’m now left with a blank canvas of no close friends and no job, but it’s preferable to living with one-sided relationships and people who violate my professional boundaries. Who knows - I could now crash and burn completely, or continue to honour myself and grow...

1 person found this helpful

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  • Kindle Customer
  • 01-07-20

Excellent read highly recommend

Loved this book. As a therapist working in domestic violence it gave me a greater insight into the world of abuse and narcissism one that I hadn't had before from theory alone.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Katherine
  • 07-23-21

Life changing for me

Woke me up to the life I was living and the abuse I was denying for many years .. best book ever to switch that ‘light’ on to what is really happening and your in a destructive, abusive and hurtful relationship, and need the strength to get out.

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  • Marina Benson
  • 02-18-21

Inspiring

Inspiring and informative listen. Brought a lot of clarity, understanding and peace. Thank you, Dana.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 09-25-20

Just what I needed

I have read tons of books in this topic. But Dana’s book is definitely the best for me!
Easy to digest, very warm, supportive, practical and uplifting.
Thank you Dana for writing this book!

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  • Elizabeth Forrest
  • 03-29-20

fantastic

Great book. I am going to read again and share with others. Lots of useful information inside for anyone who has come across abusive relationships.

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  • Christiana
  • 01-31-20

Excellent!

This is an audiobook I really enjoyed!!! It is full of helpful informations and advices. I will listen to it a second time as soon as I finish it!

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  • Anonymous User
  • 09-25-19

I really think this is the best book I have read on Narcest behaviour to date

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  • Kenzie
  • 07-11-19

Out of the fog

This is a fantastic book that teaches much wisdom about life situations around gaslighting.

It’s teaches us that certain family members also manipulate people.

Gaslighting happens in friend groups , family , work , strangers etc...
This book teaches you how to notice these types of people.