Out of the Fog

Moving from Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse

De: Dana Morningstar

Narrado por: Dana Morningstar

The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others.

However, this type of destructive manipulation isn't just limited to narcissists and sociopaths. There is no shortage of people with well-intended bad advice out there who unintentionally fall into the FOG as well and push targets of abuse into keeping the relationship going.

The FOG is one of the main reasons that people stay "stuck" in abusive relationships for so long, why they continue to get involved with abusive people, why they feel they are the problem, and why they tend to feel that the abuse is somehow their fault. When a person is being manipulated, they have a hard time figuring out who has the problem, what is normal, what is problematic, and if their wants, needs, and feelings are valid. The disastrous effects of being lost in the FOG are confusion, crazy-making, people-pleasing, and an erosion of boundaries. What makes this well-intended bad advice so damaging is that, on the surface, it seems like good advice - especially if it's coming from people who seem to have our best interests in mind, such as friends, family, church members, support-group members, or a therapist.

Some examples of this well-intended bad advice that comes from other people is: "Who are you to judge?", "No one is perfect", "You need to forgive them", "She's your mother, you need to have a relationship with her...she's not getting any younger you know", and "Commitment is forever".

This audiobook dives into these and other commonly confused topics such as:

• "Who are you to judge" vs. being discerning
• "You need to forgive them" vs. keeping yourself safe
• A parent vs. a predator
• Commitment vs. codependency
• Self-love vs. selfishness
• A person acting the part vs. a person actually changing
• Gut instincts vs. hypervigilance
• A friend vs. someone being friendly
• Caring vs. caretaking

©2017 Dana Morningstar (P)2019 Dana Morningstar

THE best book I’ve ever read on the subject

I’ve read so many books on narcissism and abuse through my journey of healing, however, this has been one of THE best.

Throughout the relationship with my emotionally abusive partner, I read countless books on personality disorders and narcissism, hoping that the books would help me diagnose my partner as to validate my reasons for leaving.

This book, although I have read it a week after going no contact with my now abusive ex, has helped me to recognize that I don’t, and never did, have to give someone a clinical diagnosis to recognize and accept that the behavior and treatment was just... not okay. Plain and simple.

I truly believe that everyone should read this book regardless of whether you have been in an abusive romantic relationship. This book can help you understand your own patterns, how to create boundaries in general, and recognize when others (coworkers, bosses, family members, friends) are treating you poorly regardless of whether you recognize it in this moment.

Thank you for, quite literally, helping to save my life.

This book helped me more than any of my others!

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! 1st of all I want You to know That I am a married man And that man suffer this as well, Even though most of the examples women I think that is because man afraid to be open about it because it is embarrassing. I can't see now that my whole marriage has been like this from the very beginning of us dating . I saw so many red flags I cannot believe I did not see what was going on but I clearly do now, So Sad so many years wasted 17 actually. I can also see that I had my own emotional issues before our relationship which caused me to me us they red flags. I don't know whatI will do now I just know that something has to be done I cannot live like this any longer, Enough said. Again thank you so much for clarifying so many things for me.

Concrete and Educational

I continue to read through books about personality disorders and the relationship fallout from being connected with these people. At first, this book wasn’t giving me much new information. But as the chapters went on, it offered me two really valuable things. First, it offered me many stories from people who had been through these situations, including a few who had been through it in friendships (it’s hard to find literature covering abusive friendships). Second, it offered a lot of explanation of terms. For example, it defined what a healthy friendship is and is not. It contrasts a lot of terms it explains, too, like, “Boundaries versus fortressing,” or “Partner versus target,” etc. It explained the concept of “fleas” (problematic behaviors that abuse victims may have picked up from abusers that can be gotten rid of with careful attention, as opposed to “catching narcissism” or thinking you’ve become the same as the abuser) and introduced many other concepts I found helpful. Frankly, this is a good book to read whether you’ve been through an abusive relationship or not, because it’s also an educational tool for people looking for good friends or trying to enter the dating pool. I strongly recommend this book as a good read for emotional and social education.

Must read after Narcissist abuse

This is a must read after narcissistic abuse. This book helps give you insight and will answer that question if the relationship is worth saving because your dealing with a troubled person or a narcissist person. Toxic is toxic and you don't need proof. I needed this book in so many ways. This book will give you clarity where all others fall short. Thank you. I want to meet this Lucy lady one day.

Exactly what I needed

Coming out of an abusive relationship can be difficult and sometimes even harder when emotional abuse is present. On the outside everything looks perfect so you begin to feel as if you are overreacting and this book allowed me to see that what I experienced was actual abuse and allowed me to see that I am doing the right thing by protecting myself and my children. This book was a perfect first step in my healing journey.

Such a helpful book!

This book answered so many of my questions. It was very helpful to read. Lots of fine points were noted.

Definitely Worth the Read

I love the content, the style, the tone of the author’s voice. I really and truly recommend this book.

Must Read for Anyone Impacted by Narcissists!

Excellent book. Not too clinical, but clinical enough to explain why narcissists do what they do. The real life examples were awesome.

Awesome book

So helpful. It was like listening to the story of my life. So much great insight. I really gained a ton from this. A must read for anyone who has experience any kind of abuse.

Thank you for clarity and the ability to heal.

Despite the fact that I am 57 years old and a licensed clinical social worker for most of my adult life I could not see the abuse in my own relationships with narcissists until reading this book. I was still blaming myself. Despite the fact that I could see clearly the manipulation and gaslighting that was occurring in other abusive relationships I still blamed myself in my own. Thank you Dana Morningstar for the gift of clarity.