Out of the Fog

Moving from Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse
Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
5 out of 5 stars (357 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others. 

However, this type of destructive manipulation isn't just limited to narcissists and sociopaths. There is no shortage of people with well-intended bad advice out there who unintentionally fall into the FOG as well and push targets of abuse into keeping the relationship going.

The FOG is one of the main reasons that people stay "stuck" in abusive relationships for so long, why they continue to get involved with abusive people, why they feel they are the problem, and why they tend to feel that the abuse is somehow their fault. When a person is being manipulated, they have a hard time figuring out who has the problem, what is normal, what is problematic, and if their wants, needs, and feelings are valid. The disastrous effects of being lost in the FOG are confusion, crazy-making, people-pleasing, and an erosion of boundaries. What makes this well-intended bad advice so damaging is that, on the surface, it seems like good advice - especially if it's coming from people who seem to have our best interests in mind, such as friends, family, church members, support-group members, or a therapist.

Some examples of this well-intended bad advice that comes from other people is: "Who are you to judge?", "No one is perfect", "You need to forgive them", "She's your mother, you need to have a relationship with her...she's not getting any younger you know", and "Commitment is forever".

This audiobook dives into these and other commonly confused topics such as:

  • "Who are you to judge" vs. being discerning
  • "You need to forgive them" vs. keeping yourself safe
  • A parent vs. a predator
  • Commitment vs. codependency
  • Self-love vs. selfishness
  • A person acting the part vs. a person actually changing
  • Gut instincts vs. hypervigilance
  • A friend vs. someone being friendly
  • Caring vs. caretaking
©2017 Dana Morningstar (P)2019 Dana Morningstar

What listeners say about Out of the Fog

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    5 out of 5 stars

Life-changing! The BEST book on narcissistic abuse

Such a powerful book! This should be required reading/listening in school, the subject is so important, and this particular book presents it in such a clear-cut, organized way. I had so many jaw-dropping epiphanies while listening - things I've been seeking the answers to my entire life. Dana Morningstar does an excellent job narrating, making it feel as if she's sitting across from you having a heartfelt conversation. BUY THIS BOOK! It will absolutely change your life for the better.

24 people found this helpful

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THE best book I’ve ever read on the subject

I’ve read so many books on narcissism and abuse through my journey of healing, however, this has been one of THE best.

Throughout the relationship with my emotionally abusive partner, I read countless books on personality disorders and narcissism, hoping that the books would help me diagnose my partner as to validate my reasons for leaving.

This book, although I have read it a week after going no contact with my now abusive ex, has helped me to recognize that I don’t, and never did, have to give someone a clinical diagnosis to recognize and accept that the behavior and treatment was just... not okay. Plain and simple.

I truly believe that everyone should read this book regardless of whether you have been in an abusive romantic relationship. This book can help you understand your own patterns, how to create boundaries in general, and recognize when others (coworkers, bosses, family members, friends) are treating you poorly regardless of whether you recognize it in this moment.

Thank you for, quite literally, helping to save my life.

6 people found this helpful

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I think my audio download is messed up...

A whole bunch of chapters and "real life experiences" were repeated multiple times. Furthermore, it seemed some of the material was from the Author's first book (Start Here, I believe is the name).

The information was great, but after 5 to 8 times of re-listening to the same material, things became annoying. The first book was great. I really hope I just got a glitch with the download. I'm returning and letting Audible customer know.

6 people found this helpful

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Not for me

I loved Dana's website, so I was surprised that I didn't like the book much. Most of the book was repetitive and vague. Maybe I was expecting too much, but this book wasn't for me.

5 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars

Excellent info

This book focuses on the recovery techniques, rather than the past, which is unusual in this field. Most are for noticing patterns of the abuse, which will be important in the first stages, especially. But we soon need a way out, and this book helps.

11 people found this helpful

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Game changer- life changer

I’ve read thousands of books with topics similar to this. This book is the most relevant & enlightening that I’ve come across to date. I’ve listened at least 3 times....so much useful knowledge.

11 people found this helpful

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Dana Morningstar, THANK YOU 💛💜💚💙

I have been subscribed to Dana Morningstar's Thrive After Abuse Channel on YouTube for a while now. I'm so glad I got this opportunity to download the Audible version of this. The information is priceless on my plan on listening it to it again. Also I'm very glad that Dana Morningstar took the time to do the speaker's many other authors have another voice narrating their book... And I find Dana's voice super soothing and, I'm trying to figure out how to move on after so much and it's so validating to know that it is possible to heal and that I am not the only one

11 people found this helpful

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Resourceful, validating and supportive

Out of the Fog has spoken my truth. This book has been the therapist I have been looking for the past 30 years of my life. Finally, I found someone who understands the abuse and neglect I have endured my entire life. Morningstar has help me make sense of the “crazy making” behavior of my dysfunctional family, friends and intimidate relationships that has made me depressed, codependent, and cognitively dissent. She puts a name to narcissistic behaviors and helps to explain why boundaries are so important. This book has given me the strength I need to continue to heal myself and start believing in my own thoughts and feelings so I can find my sense of self. Highly recommend this book to anyone who is looking for answers to their dysfunctional life and family systems.

9 people found this helpful

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Complete Clarity!!

How does she know exactly what I myself experienced? After enduring 20 years of psychological abuse, I thought I was the crazy one. I love the way this book was laid out. She clearly labels the ideas making it easy for reference at a later time. The way she compares and contrasts the definitions makes it easy to understand. The real life experiences shared by others are so helpful. I would recommend this book to anyone who thinks they could be suffering from any kind of abuse or controlling relationship.

8 people found this helpful

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Disappointed

I was very excited to find this book after seeing the positive reviews. I got about halfway through, pushing myself to give the author a chance. What concerns me is that in every chapter I listened to, the author makes a negative connection to her experience with therapy. I’m all for people sharing their experience, but it would have been sufficient to limit those ‘opinions’ to the first/chapters and focusing on more objective material.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Elizabeth Forrest
  • 03-29-20

fantastic

Great book. I am going to read again and share with others. Lots of useful information inside for anyone who has come across abusive relationships.

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  • Christiana
  • 01-31-20

Excellent!

This is an audiobook I really enjoyed!!! It is full of helpful informations and advices. I will listen to it a second time as soon as I finish it!

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  • Kindle Customer
  • 01-07-20

Excellent read highly recommend

Loved this book. As a therapist working in domestic violence it gave me a greater insight into the world of abuse and narcissism one that I hadn't had before from theory alone.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 09-25-19

<br />

I really think this is the best book I have read on Narcest behaviour to date

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  • C
  • 07-11-19

Out of the fog

This is a fantastic book that teaches much wisdom about life situations around gaslighting.

It’s teaches us that certain family members also manipulate people.

Gaslighting happens in friend groups , family , work , strangers etc...
This book teaches you how to notice these types of people.