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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? Audiobook

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

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Publisher's Summary

Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.

Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Cliches; 13 Sections of Euphemisms) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin's legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence.

He also has a silly side:

  • You know what kind of guy you never see anymore? A fop.
  • A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed."
  • I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
  • A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they're interested in fashion.
  • I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we don't talk, he works out alone, and I go home.
  • Here's something you can't do by yourself: practice shaking hands.
  • When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.
  • Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!
  • O.J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.

    ©2004 Comedy Concepts, Inc.; (P)2004 Hyperion

  • What the Critics Say

    • Audie Award Finalist, Humor, 2005
    • 2005 Quill Award Nominee
    • Grammy Award Nominee, Best Spoken Word Album, 2005

    "There's no better way to enjoy one of Carlin's books than to hear him read it himself....Carlin has his comic timing down pat. His energetic reading is punctuated by conversational bits and enhanced by his deft vocal variation, making listeners feel as if they've got a front-row seat at one of his comedy shows." (Publishers Weekly)

    What Members Say

    Average Customer Rating

    3.6 (1182 )
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    4.0 (415 )
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    4.3 (421 )
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    Performance
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    •  
      William Dallas, TX, USA 10-24-04
      William Dallas, TX, USA 10-24-04 Member Since 2015
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "Build Your IQ While Laughing"

      Fortunately Mr. Carlin is not running for President, as his perspective is way out of the "mainstream". His cynacism and his almost God-less agnosticism combined with a carefully delivered, gratuitous raunch, can be a challenge to the most open minded of God fearing folks. However, brandishing a super-sharp intellect, and a subtle but real concern for the well being of humanity, George presents insightful alternative points of view, the consideration of which is immensely rewarded with continuous, uncontrolled bouts of liberating laughter.

      9 of 15 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Joseph 11-02-04
      Joseph 11-02-04 Member Since 2008
      HELPFUL VOTES
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      "A book I COULD put down"

      I've loved George Carlin. And I identify with many of his views on life. But his latest book is missing the most important ingredient of the ones I've loved in the past; humor. This book (and I confess I could not finish it) is just not funny. I wanted it to be. I expected it to be. It wasn't.
      I listened beyond my normal tolerance hoping for a major turn, but after I had dutifully hung on for nearly 75%, I put myself out of my misery and turned my iPod back to something funnier; the presidential debates.

      23 of 44 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Frosty 06-11-17
      Frosty 06-11-17 Member Since 2011
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      "30 minutes of George's best humor!"

      Unfortunately, this book is over seven hours long. This book had some very funny stuff in it! But it is torture listening to him blather on in between the funny parts. Don't buy it if you are religious. The only really funny part was when he was making fun of religion. George, why would you make a book seven hours long when you only had an hour of worth while material? I persevered through three hours of the book before I finally gave up. I can not imagine that I could ever be bored enough to finish listening to this book.

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Kim 05-27-17
      Kim 05-27-17 Member Since 2015
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      "Master pice from the master him self"

      A bit cheeky at times and a Sharp over servation on The human condition ..

      I like it .,..

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Joshua S. Spell Wichita, KS 02-23-17
      Joshua S. Spell Wichita, KS 02-23-17 Listener Since 2009

      Maijstral

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      "Excellent, But Derivitive Of Earlier Works"

      Carlin at his best, but if you already have "George Carlin Reads To You" you've already heard all the best bits. If you are trying to choose between the two, get this one, but if you have one, you don't need the other.

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Jess Barreras Soledad, CA United States 12-25-16
      Jess Barreras Soledad, CA United States 12-25-16 Member Since 2017

      lordwasco

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      "stuggled to finish"

      this book is a bunch of b-side one liners and throw away skits. the piano snippets between each track were horrible, corny and prompted to roll my eyes every time.

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Eddie Dennison 10-09-16 Member Since 2015

      Jrdenn

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      "Dearly missed..."

      In the age of 'Idiocracy' being very much real and pervasive, the absence of Carlin's linguistic wizardry is sorely missing. In his final few years before dying George would tell anyone who interviewed him how "this country is through" in regards to the U.S. body politic and its disastrous effect on the people. If only George would have lived long enough to see his NY state stablemate Donald Trump became the GOP presidential nominee. The simplicity with which George would have decimated the bombastic real estate mogul would have been a thing of beauty.

      This book — When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops — positively showcases Georges verbal mastery and ability to see stuff that the common man misses and break it down in the simplest terms. Indeed, his ability to see the fine details in a world of clutter and explain the madness of it all is a thing of art. This audiobook is narrated by George himself, and is one which I highly recommended. The sardonic wit of Carlin is on full display as the legendary comedian is at his very best in an audiobook that you can get through in an afternoon. It will make you think while you listen and certainly make you laugh while doing so.

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Veda 09-26-16
      Veda 09-26-16 Member Since 2016
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      "George Carlin"

      l have been a George Carlin fan for decades. Foul mouth yes, but brilliantly FUNNY!

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      tyler umphrey 09-02-16
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      "Nonsensical ramblings of an interesting man."

      Its not bad its worth a try if you like his work. Is an elaborate philosophy of language mostly.

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful
    •  
      Matthew 08-04-16
      Matthew 08-04-16 Member Since 2016
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      "Here's the thing...."

      George Carlin is one of my heroes. This is mostly about politically correct speech and euphemisms. But it's not funny unless you realize that Carlin has complete contempt for the publisher, the listener, and society at large. It's a big middle finger to whoever insisted he was contracted to write a book. And that's why I love it. By no means Carlin's best, in fact it's kind of over-the-top unfunny. But my theory is that that was his intention. So, keeping that in mind (and I concede I could be wrong), you'll enjoy it more.

      0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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