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Happy Endings
- The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch
- Narrated by: Jim Norton
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
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Publisher's summary
Jim will discuss everything from his affinity for hookers to stalking Black Sabbath and Alan Alda to always getting stuck with the hot girl's fat friend. He will share some of his experiences with Opie and Anthony, including his arrest on the infamous Voyeur Bus (a bus filled with naked girls that drove around Manhattan flashing passers-by). Many more heartwarming stories will be included in what is sure to be the most controversial title of 2007.
In addition to being a regular on the Opie & Anthony Show, Norton sells out comedy shows across the country. He starred on the recent HBO series Lucky Louie and was a regular on Comedy Central's Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. He has appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The Late Show with David Letterman, and other national shows.
Norton had this to say about his forthcoming title: "It's ironic that many of the stories revolve around prostitution, because that's where all proceeds from this...will be going. Actually, that's probably more disgusting and creepy than ironic."
Explicit Language Warning: You must be 18 years or older to purchase.
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This is his story, or, rather, stories - lots of them, and all gut-punchingly hilarious, from that first far reach into a girl's tight jeans to turning forty with a cataclysmic party. In between you’ll hear about acid trips, threesomes, Nazi skinheads, his band Anal Chinook (Inuit for “warm wind”), Martians in northern Canada, throwing pedophiles in jail, dinner with the Clash, what happens when you crash Bill Maher's show wasted, and the true story of Vice magazine.
-
5 out of 5 stars
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if you don't buy this book, the terrorists win
- By Kelsey Gholi on 04-03-17
By: Gavin McInnes
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 290
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 266
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 263
In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
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Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 44
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Story4 out of 5 stars 40
Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 463
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 404
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 402
Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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I Like You Just the Way I Am
- Stories About Me and Some Other People
- By: Jenny Mollen
- Narrated by: Jenny Mollen
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 833
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 743
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 735
Jenny Mollen is an actress and writer living in Los Angeles. She is also a wife, married to a famous guy (which is annoying only because he gets free shit and she doesn't). She doesn't want much from life. Just to be loved - by everybody: her parents, her dogs, her ex-boyfriends, her ex-boyfriends' dogs, her husband, her husband's ex-girlfriends, her husband's ex-girlfriend's new boyfriends, etc.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Hmm...Why am I listening to a bio of Jenny Mollen?
- By Elisabeth W. on 09-16-15
By: Jenny Mollen
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The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club
- True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life
- By: Laurie Notaro
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 5 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 66
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 59
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Story4 out of 5 stars 59
Introducing Laurie Notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends - and that's before she even puts on a bra. For the past 10 years, Notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Sweet and funny
- By Julia Valentin on 12-19-20
By: Laurie Notaro
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Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See
- By: Juliann Garey
- Narrated by: Dan Butler
- Length: 11 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 496
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 454
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Story4 out of 5 stars 453
In her tour-de-force first novel, Juliann Garey takes us inside the restless mind, ravaged heart, and anguished soul of Greyson Todd, a successful Hollywood studio executive who leaves his wife and young daughter and for a decade travels the world giving free reign to the bipolar disorder he's been forced to keep hidden for almost 20 years.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Psychosis or Syphilis?
- By Vira on 04-02-13
By: Juliann Garey
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God-Shaped Hole
- A Novel
- By: Tiffanie DeBartolo
- Narrated by: Rachael Warren
- Length: 10 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 130
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 122
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Story4 out of 5 stars 121
When Beatrice Trixie Jordan replies to a personal ad, she meets Jacob Grace, a charming, effervescent 30-something free-spirit writer passionately seeking life. He possesses his own turns of phrase and ways of thinking and feeling that dissonantly harmonize with Trixie's off-center vision. As they rollercoaster through the joys and furies of their wrenching romance, they try to come to terms with the hurt brought about by both of their distant fathers who, in different ways, forsook them.
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5 out of 5 stars
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To see a fortune teller or not to see one...
- By Renee on 08-08-18
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Digging Up Mother
- A Love Story
- By: Johnny Depp - foreword, Doug Stanhope
- Narrated by: Doug Stanhope and Friends
- Length: 12 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,972
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,647
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,640
Doug Stanhope is one of the most critically acclaimed and stridently unrepentant comedians of his generation. What will surprise some is that he owes so much of his dark and sometimes uncomfortably honest sense of humor to his mother, Bonnie.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Not my thing.
- By J. Harral on 01-27-18
By: Johnny Depp - foreword, and others
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I Am Not Myself These Days
- A Memoir
- By: Josh Kilmer-Purcell
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 6 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 158
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 141
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 141
I Am Not Myself These Days follows a glittering journey through Manhattan's dark underbelly---a shocking and surreal world where alter egos reign and subsist (barely) on dark wit and chemicals...a tragic romantic comedy where one begins by rooting for the survival of the relationship and ends by hoping someone simply survives.
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3 out of 5 stars
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depressing
- By Barry Morrison on 08-02-16
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Dirty Thirty
- By: Asa Akira
- Narrated by: Veronica Worthington
- Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 156
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 142
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Story4 out of 5 stars 140
As she contemplates turning 30 years old while still being in the adult film trade, Asa Akira, author of the best-seller Insatiable, delves into her past, present, and future, exploring the events that brought her to where she is now and the surprising and insightful plans she has for her future. Internationally known as a porn star, Akira's perceptive, funny, and straightforward writings on love, sex, death, marriage, and celebrity come together in a surprising book of essays.
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5 out of 5 stars
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this was fun I'm going to buy her other book 2
- By Sir Lawrence on 01-09-19
By: Asa Akira
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You're Making Me Hate You
- A Cantankerous Look at the Common Misconception That Humans Have Any Common Sense Left
- By: Corey Taylor
- Narrated by: Corey Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,161
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,050
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,046
In the tradition of the late, great George Carlin, Corey Taylor, the lead singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour, sounds off in hilarious fashion about the many vagaries of modern life that piss him off. Whether it's people's rude behavior in restaurants and malls, the many indignities of air travel, eye-searingly terrible fashion choices, dangerously clueless drivers, and - most of all - the sorry state of much modern music, Taylor's humor and insight cover civil society's seeming decline.
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5 out of 5 stars
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New perspective.
- By jeremy on 09-22-15
By: Corey Taylor
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True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness
- A Feminist Coming of Age
- By: Christine Lahti
- Narrated by: Christine Lahti
- Length: 5 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 32
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 31
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Story4 out of 5 stars 30
For decades, actress and director Christine Lahti has captivated the hearts and minds of her audience through iconic roles in Chicago Hope, Running on Empty, Housekeeping, And Justice for All, Swing Shift, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, God of Carnage, and The Blacklist. Now, in True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness, this acclaimed performer channels her creativity inward to share her own story for the first time.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Christine Lahti, Actress, Activist and A+ Author!
- By L. Cat Schultz on 10-26-18
By: Christine Lahti
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Hyena
- By: Jude Angelini
- Narrated by: Jude Angelini
- Length: 3 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,596
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,415
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Story5 out of 5 stars 1,408
Hyena is a collection of autobiographical stories by Jude Angelini, which takes the listener on his journey of heartbreak, depravity, and hilarity, deftly moving between his adult life and his childhood growing up in a factory town outside of Detroit. Each story is told with brutal honesty yet maintains a gallows humor that will leave you shaking your head in disbelief.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Awesome book, would steal it
- By Dylan S on 09-20-17
By: Jude Angelini
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Seduction and Snacks
- By: Tara Sivec
- Narrated by: Romy Nordlinger
- Length: 10 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 910
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Performance3.5 out of 5 stars 837
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Story4 out of 5 stars 830
Claire is a 20-something, single mom who grudgingly helps her best friend sell sex toys while she attempts to make enough money to start her own business to give her foul-mouthed, but extremely loveable (when he's asleep) toddler a better life. When Carter, the one-night-stand from her past that changed her life forever, shows up in her hometown bar without any recollection of her besides her unique chocolate scent, Claire will make it a point that he remembers her this time. With Carter's undisguised shock at suddenly finding out he has a four-year-old son and Claire's panic that her stretch marks and slim-to-none bedroom experience will send the man of her dreams heading for the hills, the pair will do whatever they can to get their happily ever after.
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4 out of 5 stars
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3 1/2 stars
- By Vinity on 08-01-13
By: Tara Sivec
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Sex, Drugs, Ratt & Roll
- My Life in Rock
- By: Stephen Pearcy, Sam Benjamin
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 8 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 236
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 204
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 202
Stephen Pearcy was a scrawny, horny, thrill-seeking teenager with an electric guitar who had graduated from backyard parties in San Diego to half-empty dives in Los Angeles before he and his band broke through at Whiskey a Go Go. Cranking out metal just as metal got hot, Ratt was the perfect band at the perfect time, and their hit single "Round and Round" became a top-selling anthem.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Stephen Pearcy is one sad mf
- By Awkward Frog on 12-28-20
By: Stephen Pearcy, and others
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Private Citizens
- By: Tony Tulathimutte
- Narrated by: Pete Cross
- Length: 12 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 68
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 64
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 63
The story's four whip-smart narrators - idealistic Cory, Internet-lurking Will, awkward Henrik, and vicious Linda - are torn between fixing the world and cannibalizing it. In boisterous prose that ricochets between humor and pain, the four estranged friends stagger through the Bay Area's maze of tech startups, protestors, gentrifiers, karaoke bars, house parties, and cultish self-help seminars, washing up in each other's lives once again.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Too dour and cynical.
- By Zanriel on 01-18-17
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Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 78
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 75
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Story4 out of 5 stars 74
When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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4 out of 5 stars
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
What listeners say about Happy Endings
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Richard R.
- 02-17-20
Hysterically brutal and funny. Well done, Jim.
That is it. Great job, Jimbo. I must have 15 words for this review. That is all.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- John
- 11-20-08
Relentlessly Honest
The things you need to get past when it comes to Jim Norton and his humor are your own hangups. Yes, his humor is self-deprecating, yes he employs language some might consider offensive (I don't), but it is HONEST.
Just as in his stand-up act, and in his commentary on the Opie and Anthony show, he is relentlessly, bitingly and emphatically honest about himself, and does not suffer fools or the dishonest very well.
If you choose to get stuck on the hookers or the trannies or the language, it's your great loss.
Norton has a keen wit and is tremendously funny. For me, this book was a pleasure to listen to. I look forward to reading or hearing his next book.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- manuel
- 05-17-15
delivers<br />
really delivers on the hard hitting honesty you'd expect from Jim Norton.
Jim Norton gives you a window peak into his life of hookers, trannies, and random tangents.
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story3 out of 5 stars
- Joshua Brady
- 02-07-20
Jim is a creep
decided to check this out after I recently discovered old O&A clips on YouTube. it was okay I guess.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 08-16-19
Jimmy the self-deprecating goof ball.
Lil' Jimmy's story he wrote for his ex was hilarious. Not sure why she was offended... His zany adventures are quite entertaining. Not for the Christian type. Read it sock cuckas. *pfft*
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- christina onorio
- 07-17-07
Jim Uncensored
**WARNING** This book is for adults only, infact only for adults who could handle profanity, sex and off color humor. If you are one of these adults then this is a must "read". Jim has made me more of a fan.
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8 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Christopher
- 05-05-10
Depraved and hilarious
Jim Norton is certainly not an easy thing to listen to if you like things like boundaries and have a moral compass. If you are unburdened of such things, then you should absolutely eat this up! He is quite the silly goose!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Timothy Trujillo
- 03-22-17
amazing.
by far the best funniest book that I was too lazy to read. hope he writes another and I know I'll be too lazy to read that one also. but I know I'll enjoy it
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- jason laureno
- 01-20-23
One of the best comedy books I've read
I first read this when I was in federal prison and it had me laughing out loud like a fuckin lunatic. I've read it several times since, so having the audio version was simply a matter of common sense.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Patrick
- 07-10-07
Happy Endings
A fine literary masterpiece brought to life by charismatic lad that brought you "Monster Rain" and "Big Boy Made a Doody". Sure to be an enduring classic that will resonate with future generations.
Good day sir.
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25 people found this helpful