What No One Tells You

A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood

By: Alexandra Sacks, Catherine Birndorf

Narrated by: Cynthia Farrell

Your guide to the emotions of pregnancy and early motherhood, from two of America’s top reproductive psychiatrists.

When you are pregnant, you get plenty of advice about your growing body and developing baby. Yet so much about motherhood happens in your head. What everyone really wants to know: Is this normal?

-Even after months of trying, is it normal to panic after finding out you’re pregnant?
-Is it normal not to feel love at first sight for your baby?
-Is it normal to fight with your parents and partner?
-Is it normal to feel like a breastfeeding failure?
-Is it normal to be zonked by “mommy brain?”

In What No One Tells You, two of America’s top reproductive psychiatrists reassure you that the answer is yes. With thirty years of combined experience counseling new and expectant mothers, they provide a psychological and hormonal backstory to the complicated emotions that women experience, and show why it’s natural for “matrescence”—the birth of a mother—to be as stressful and transformative a period as adolescence.

Here, finally, is the first-ever practical guide to help new mothers feel less guilt and more self-esteem, less isolation and more kinship, less resentment and more intimacy, less exhaustion and more pleasure, and learn other tips to navigate the ups and downs of this exciting, demanding time

Critic reviews

“‘No one ever told me about this!’ is said by almost every woman during the often confusing experiences of pregnancy, birth, and the first year of motherhood. In this reassuring, accessible, and comprehensive guide, Drs. Sacks and Birndorf tackle common fears and questions—in particular, those that people may be embarrassed or afraid to mention. This is an indispensable resource for anyone who wants information that’s both authoritative and comforting.”
—Gretchen Rubin, New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project

“Though it’s written by medical professionals, the book reads like a reality check from a calm friend. It doesn’t shy away from the hard stuff, either… From the outset, the authors break through what they call the ‘bliss myth’: the fiction that motherhood is all joy, all the time. In the process, What No One Tells You makes room for something better — acknowledgment of the complexity and reality of motherhood. There’s no one way to become a mother, the authors suggest — and that’s just fine.”
—The Washington Post

“Becoming a mom is magical. But it can also bring concerns and stress. In their loving and practical book, Drs. Sacks and Birndorf will be your trusted guides through this wonder-filled—yet sometimes bewildering—experience.”
—Harvey Karp, MD, New York Times bestselling author of The Happiest Baby on the Block

“This book teaches mothers how to best care for themselves psychologically. I can’t think of another book like it: written by experts who are both caring and authoritative and who can prepare new mothers for this tremendous identity shift and all the emotional changes that come up along the way. I wish I had a book like this when I was going through pregnancy and new motherhood.”
—Christy Turlington Burns, founder & CEO of Every Mother Counts

“Too often women imagine pregnancy, childbirth, and the first year of parenthood through rose-colored glasses. Reproductive psychiatrists Sacks and Birndorf reassuringly talk about why these experiences can be stressful. They call pregnancy early motherhood 'matrescence,' which fittingly sounds like adolescence, 'another time when bodies morph and hormones surge'…. A good guide to mental health issues faced by new parents.”
—Booklist

So validating!

A must read for any soon-to-be or new mom. this is going on my list of books I recommend to all my pregnant friends. Do yourself a favor and listen to this book and deal with all your complicated mommy feelings.

Info I needed when I needed it

midway through my second trimester I’m still making sense of my current physiological and emotional changes and also trying to plan for the future changes- this book was so helpful. Thank you!

not even preggo yet but this was great!

I'm TTC and this helped alleviate a TON of anxiety already! Definitely going to re-listen during pregnancy

Not Soothing for high risk pregnancy

This added to my stress and pregnancy anxiety. The book brings up all the terrible and difficult aspects of pregnancy. Don’t read if your currently pregnant. Perhaps before pregnancy would be best. I was looking for practical tools and tips to overcome the difficult emotions associated with a high risk pregnancy. This book has added to the anxiety.

wouldn't read again

lots of advice and perspectives but overall didn't go deep enough or capture the experience for me