Sh-t My Dad Says

By: Justin Halpern

Narrated by: Sean Schemmel

Length: 3 hrs and 8 mins

Publisher's summary

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”

“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”

“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”

More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.

An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers

Critic reviews

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times best-selling author of Stuff White People Like)

Sh*t I Wish My Dad Said

If you could sum up Sh-t My Dad Says in three words, what would they be?

Over.
The.
Top.

Who was your favorite character and why?

Justin's dad, for obvious reasons

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

I laughed my ass off. Who knew an MD could have such a sense of humor?

Any additional comments?

"Sometimes life leaves a hundred-dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later it's because it f*cked you."

Realistic and Full of Humor

Was told in such a way that it felt like I was there. Awesome Story.

laugh out loud funny

What did you love best about Sh-t My Dad Says?

This made me laugh until I was crying

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

I did and I have listened to it over and over again.

Funny as hell

I read this book a few years back and remember really enjoying it so I thought of getting in on audible and have a read to me while I drive or workout. And while I still enjoyed the story I can't say I'm crazy about the narration I'm not too keen on people doing voices for other characters but then again I don't know how would work if he would just use the same voice for everything a character but in essence the book is funny and don't regret buying it at all.

Funniest Book I've Read in Years

I have been a member of Audible for over a year now, and Sh*t My Dad Says, by Justin Halpern, is the first audiobook for which I have felt it would be a crime not to provide a review. This is an uproariously hilarious, engaging and witty piece of writing. The narration shines: each character comes alive with Schemmel's astounding variance in tone and voice, aiding the listener in getting to know each unique personality, particularly that of Sam the father. More than just a funny, crass collection of witty quips, Sh*t My Dad Says is ultimately the story of a dad who, beneath his gruff exterior, genuinely loves and cares for his family and the well being of his son. I cannot recommend this audiobook enough!

Humorous read

Wasn’t a time I wasn’t agreeing with a laugh lol best book ever for anytime!

Makes me laugh every time I listen to it

Just phenomenal!

It is a great listen and extremely entertaining.

I highly recommend this audio book.

Funny Book, Great Voice

If you could sum up Sh-t My Dad Says in three words, what would they be?

Funny as sh!t.

What did you like best about this story?

I thought the way the chapters were summarized by a one liner from his dad were the best. I was laughing so hard, my sides and cheeks hurt.

Have you listened to any of Sean Schemmel’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

I listened to "I Suck at Girls" and thought Mr. Schemmel's performance was hilarious. He used many different voices for the characters, which is something I think is important. He also uses inflection in his voice and makes the story come alive.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

The whole book is great. Did it move me? Sure- it moved me to the kleenex box because I was laughing so hard, I cried.

Any additional comments?

Don't listen to this one around other people unless they know what you're doing. You may get hauled off to the looney bin because you're laughing at nothing.

Good book. Great narration.

Enjoyed the book and the blog. But the audiobook, however, is really special.

Hilarious

Hysterical the writers father is a character I could read it over and over again