Tour of Nice Guy Island
You single? How's that dating thing working out for you? Getting your recommended nightly allowance of love and affection? Or are you at the point where a bottle of Pinot, a good TV series, and a pet or two are all you need?
Thirteen years of being single, after 13 years of marriage, has left me in a peculiar place - on Nice Guy Island.
I'm not the aggressive bad boy who hooks women with his mysterious behavior. I'm polite, kind, and considerate, which translates into "f--king boring" for far too many potential mates. Hence, all my paddling away from the island lands me in strong currents, taking me back where I started.
If you visit my island, what you'll find is an often-sedated, yet content population of one and two-thirds (male felines, Syd and Symon). The fridge is full of beer, tuna, hot sauce, and prepared meals. The freezer has ice packs for sore, old muscles. Nothing else to see here. Not exactly Barbados.
On this island, even masturbation has become tedious, so I venture out nightly in search of stimulation. This is a document of those travels. May you find humor in my message - it keeps me afloat.