Regular price: $24.50

Free with 30-day trial
Membership details Membership details
  • A 30-day trial plus your first audiobook, free
  • 1 credit/month after trial – good for any book, any price
  • Easy exchanges – swap any book you don’t love
  • Keep your audiobooks, even if you cancel
  • After your trial, Audible is just $14.95/month
OR
In Cart

Publisher's Summary

In the tradition of Kitchen Confidential and Waiter Rant, a rollicking, eye-opening, fantastically indiscreet memoir of a life spent (and misspent) in the hotel industry.

Jacob Tomsky has worked in hotels for more than a decade, doing everything from valet parking to manning the front desk. He's checked you in, checked you out, separated your white panties from the white bed sheets, parked your car, tasted your room service, cleaned your toilet, denied you a late check out, given you a wake-up call, eaten M&Ms out of your mini-bar, laughed at your jokes, and taken your money. And in Heads in Beds, he pulls back the curtain on the hospitality business, revealing the crazy yet compelling reality of an industry we think we know. It is an incredibly funny, authentic, and irreverent chronicle of the highs and lows of hotel life and boy, is there a market for it: in 2010, the American lodging industry generated $127.7 billion in revenue. Prepare to be amused, shocked, and amazed as he spills the unwritten code of the bellhops, the antics that go on the valet parking garage, and the housekeeping department's dirty little secrets.

Prepare to be moved, too, by his insightful honesty about the profession; employees are often poorly paid and frequently abused. However, Heads in Beds is more than just a memoir. Jake explains the secrets of the industry, offering easy and legal ways to get what you need from your hotel without any hassle - from scoring late check-ins and upgrades to getting that pay-per-view charge knocked off your bill. This book will give you the knowledge you need to get the very best service from any hotel or property, from any business that makes its money from putting heads in beds. Or, at the very least, it will keep the bellhops from taking your luggage into the camera-free back office and stomping the crap out of it.

©2012 Jacob Tomsky (P)2012 Random House Audio

Critic Reviews

"Jacob Tomsky is a star. The kid writes like a dream. Heads in Beds is hilarious, literate, canny, indignant and kind - revealing an author who manages somehow to be both a total hustler and a complete humanitarian. I love this book. Keep an eye on this writer. I'm telling you, he's a star." (Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

Overall

  • 4.2 out of 5.0
  • 5 Stars
    387
  • 4 Stars
    218
  • 3 Stars
    105
  • 2 Stars
    36
  • 1 Stars
    11

Performance

  • 4.4 out of 5.0
  • 5 Stars
    390
  • 4 Stars
    196
  • 3 Stars
    76
  • 2 Stars
    23
  • 1 Stars
    8

Story

  • 4.2 out of 5.0
  • 5 Stars
    347
  • 4 Stars
    202
  • 3 Stars
    92
  • 2 Stars
    37
  • 1 Stars
    12
Sort by:
  • Overall
  • Performance
  • Story

My best listen of the year.

Would you consider the audio edition of Heads in Beds to be better than the print version?

I loved the audible version because you get the spirit and personality of the memoir through the author's own voice.

What was one of the most memorable moments of Heads in Beds?

At the end of the book their are things not to say when checking into a hotel. Some of these are so obvious its hard to believe that some guest's still use them.

Which character – as performed by Jacob Tomsky – was your favorite?

The author plays himself but under a different name which is hilarious on its own. I won't tell you though, you have to get the book.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?

Never have your luggage kicked again?

Any additional comments?

I haven't ever reviewed anything on Audible. I started with the book and then wanted to listen to it at work and in the car. Tomsky is going to make you laugh, but he is going to make you laugh at yourself. Once you listen to this book you can plan on having much better hotel experiences.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Performance
  • Story
  • kris
  • Garden Grove, CA, United States
  • 04-20-13

A Traveler's MUST READ

Would you listen to Heads in Beds again? Why?

Yes - it is funny and informative

What other book might you compare Heads in Beds to and why?

None - it's in a class by itself!

What does Jacob Tomsky bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

His tone and his sarcasm which makes it even better.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?

If you've ever stayed in a hotel, you MUST see this.

Any additional comments?

Great book. Not only is it funny and entertaining, it is informative and educational. A must read for travelers.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Performance
  • Story

Annoying at times but entertaining nonetheless

Here's where the audio version of a book can really make a difference.
I'd read some print reviews and comments that characterized the narration as arrogant at best, and flat-out insulting toward hotel guests at worst. And I can see how, without the winking wryness of Tomsky's voice narration to smooth things over, this could definitely come off as more of a whiny rant than the ironic-but-human tone the author (I think) intended.

And I can totally see why some people took offense--Tomsky makes no bones about hotel service being all about the bones--or bricks, or bennies, or all those other nicknames they have for tip denominations.

If the staff's not making fun of us behind our backs (literally--and with hand motions--I wish I could cite the chapter but you'll just have to get the book...), they're key-bombing us, or peeing into our cologne bottles. (Okay the peeing in the bottle story is apocryphal at best and only involved a celeb athlete, but still...)

But don't despair; Tomsky gives back by telling us what to do--and what not to do when we check in. If nothing else, you'll have fun figuring out the celebrity blind items. (Spoiler/answer key: Tim Burton, John Cusack, Dustin Hoffman, Michael Jordan)

Tomsky can write, and he has a few good anecdotes, but not as many as you'd think given all his years in the biz. He sounds like a genuinely good guy whose writing has been snarked-up by too many readings at the Knitting Factory--I heard the Brooklyn-hipster-style in his voice before I even confirmed that's where he lived.
But he arguably makes up for it with some awesome NYC and Nawlin's accents.

Frequent travelers probably won't find anything new here, and I'm not sure there's enough "inside dirt" for this to be a truly explosive read, but I was thoroughly entertained nonetheless.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Performance
  • Story
  • Julie
  • Carlsbad, CA, United States
  • 01-14-13

Hilarious, Informative: May Make You Laugh & Tip

This is a must read if you stay at hotels for two or more nights, certainly if you stay a week or more. But a sense of humor is required.

This hilarious book provides an insider’s view of the hotel industry, its services, guests, and employees. Ethical and unethical advice for how to make the most of your next hotel stay are provided. But this is not a dry how-to book or pompous tell-all. It is a genuinely funny memoir about a young guy working in the hotel industry, making his living by moving up—and down—the hospitality ladder, and the people he meets.

The stories are well written and narrated—okay, the stories are laugh out loud funny. For example, do you ever wonder what happens to your car once in the valet's hands?

The narration throughout the book is just like the Audible Sample—conversational with cuss words and all—so if you like the sample and don't mind some cussing then my guess is you’ll like the book.

The book starts slowly, a bit bogged down in detail, but hang on because it speeds up. The beginning info is necessary. We learn how the author moves from being an out-of-work philosophy major graduate to valet driver to in-house hotel employee. By the end we are left with colorful laughable events full of honest, sharp-edged and keen observations of human behavior (good and the bad), useful tips to improve our next hotel stay, and an understanding of hotels including the history, the people who run them, who change our sheets, and clean our drinking glasses with Pledge--yes I said Pledge. And much more.

This is a hilarious book. I hope you enjoy it. And remember the next time you want a room up-grade just tip the…. Oh read the book.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Performance
  • Story
  • Matthew
  • Torrance, CA, United States
  • 01-07-13

Great book, great narration - couldn't get better

If you could sum up Heads in Beds in three words, what would they be?

Was fantastic, interesting, engaging and really worth the liste.

Who was your favorite character and why?

Tommy (main character). Was extremely funny and interesting.

Which scene was your favorite?

The whole book!

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

Just the plain honesty was really moving.

Any additional comments?

Fantastic, couldn't have asked for a better book!

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Performance
  • Story
  • Julian
  • MERRITT ISLAND, FL, United States
  • 01-03-13

Wow - Nailed it on the head

A Hotello myself I found myself laughing out loud and tearing in other moments. Thank you for your book.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Performance
  • Story

great insight into the hospitality industry

Dont pick it up if you are put off by adult language. Otherwise, it is great and it works in the context.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Performance
  • Story
  • Andy
  • Westport, CT, United States
  • 12-29-12

simply hilarious

A decade or so of stories from a former front line hotel employee. If you've listened to My Korean Deli, this is the equivalent for the hotel business.

4 of 6 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Performance
  • Story

I'll never view another Hotel stay the same!

Really enjoyed listening to this book! Narrated by the author really gave it a personal and authentic touch. Highly recommended!

  • Overall
  • Performance
  • Story

Great persective on the hospitality industry.

I work in hospitality, and a lot of what he says is true. However some things I have yet to experience.

If you are faint of heart for vulgar language then this book may not be for you. I on the other hand, found it very readable, er, listenable and found myself laughing more often than not.

The voice actor for this audible file is great. Great tone of voice and it was very easy to understand him.

I'd suggest it to anyone in the hospitality industry and or anyone who frequents hotels.

5 out of 5.