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Publisher's Summary

National Best Seller

ForeWord Humor Book of the Year

Benjamin Franklin Awards Humor Book of the Year

In Cruise Confidential, Brian David Bruns spills the dirt - or, in this case, the dirty water - on those romantic, fun-filled vacations at sea. His hilarious chronicle of the year he spent working for Carnival Cruise Lines takes listeners down into the areas where the crew works and lives, leaving listeners gasping with laughter as they're assaulted nonstop with events that range from the absurd to the utterly bizarre. Stewards fighting over food. Cutlery allowances and other nonsensical rules. What the crew calls those onboard (no, it's not passengers). And, of course, the sex. An abundance of ready, willing, and able bodies eager for action on a vessel replete with nooks and crannies leads to love in some mighty strange and seemingly impossible places.

Breezy, entertaining, and informative, Cruise Confidential is essential listening for those planning a cruise or for anyone who just needs a good laugh.

Don't miss the entire Cruise Confidential series:

  • Cruise Confidential
  • Ship for Brains
  • Unsinkable Mister Brown
  • High Seas Drifter

©2008 Brian David Bruns (P)2016 Brian David Bruns

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Never been on a cruise but this makes me want to take one

My wife has talked for years about going on a cruise. I'm in the restaurant business myself for 23 years now and was fascinated by the insights and observations made in this book. My wife would be horrified to listen to this book and then go on a cruise. Personally I reveled in it. Every moment kept you waiting for the next. The energy and exuberance of the narrator conveyed the hectic emotions of the author. Wonderfully experienced, written and read. Seamless in it's amazing ability to deliver the feel of being there. Listening on my way home after a 13 hour shift I could commiserate with the exhaustion of the author. The separation from loved ones due to work. Well done. I received this audiobook from the author narrator or publisher for free via audiobookblast in exchange for an unbiased review.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Once upon a time, on a cruise ship far away....

I have never been on a cruise ship, but I have worked with ESL folks from many different cultures, so I regard this narrative as less reality than wishful thinking. That being said, by regarding it as a fanciful tale full of ego and testosterone, I enjoyed it and laughed myself silly! I mean, come on, he is the best at everything? And everyone is constantly bedhopping? Really, he is NOT James Bond! And no one ever gets mal de mer or Traveller's Revenge? But if you take it as humor, it is hard not to enjoy it. Even if only 10% is based in reality, it is still a smudged window into a workplace that many of us never are aware of.
Maybe I just enjoyed it more because it was performed with such agility by Gary Furlong who made it even more fun.
I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

The title might have exaggerated the story a bit.

I picked this book up because of the title, but I think it might have exaggerated the story a bit. The writing is fun and there is plenty going on. But it does get a little repetitive after a while. There is very little "behind the scenes" talked about. Most of the stories actually happen in front of guests on the ship.

Gary Furlong did an excellent job narrating. I was a bit surprised Bruns didn't narrate his own story, but that's okay.

**I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.**

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

SS POSEIDON / AMISTAD love child

What made the experience of listening to Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline the most enjoyable?

Wacky below decks behind the glamour expose. Exciting Enthusiastic narration.

What other book might you compare Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline to and why?

Elements of Kitchen Confidential by Bourdain, farcical elements a la M.A.S.H. by Hooker (nee) Hornberger. With some pinches of Toby Tyler by James Otis Kaler via Disney.

Which character – as performed by Gary Furlong – was your favorite?

The author / protagonist.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

I 95, Mama told me to see the world, but I should have stayed in school. Is that too long for a film title?

Any additional comments?

A whirlwind, insane insider look at Cruise Ship employee challenges. You wonder why there aren't more "man over board "accidents" involving ships' crew members. lol

I enjoyed Gary Furlong's upbeat narration.

Thank you for making this audiobook available.

This audiobook was provided by the author, narrator, or publisher at no cost in exchange for an unbiased review courtesy of AudiobookBoom dot com."

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Interesting and Engaging

When I heard about this book I did not know what to expect. After listening to some of it, I was hooked. The story moves along and tells you just enough about everything. It makes me really want to take a cruise now and watch to see if you can tell some of these things are happening.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Never realized what goes on behind closed doors

One of the most entertaining books. The narrator was great, all the accents of the crew made you think they were all there. The tale about the dining crew is beyond belief what they put up with from the cruise line. It's an eye opening tale for sure. I didn't want to stop listening. Wish the book was longer.

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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

I liked it better after I listened to it again

What made the experience of listening to Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline the most enjoyable?

It is fascinating to get an inside glimpse of what the crew experiences, the politics, the interactions.

What did you like best about this story?

The statistics at the end and the list of stupid questions cruisers ask made me laugh out loud.

Which scene was your favorite?

The scenes with his boss that show how unfair and prejudiced things can be.

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

It made me want to travel on cruise lines that have the highest ratings from the crew. I want to travel on a line where people are treated as fairly as possible.

Any additional comments?

I have recommended this book to those who love to cruise.

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars

Not what you might be looking for...

What disappointed you about Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline?

This tale is thin on information related to life aboard a cruise liner as it might relate to the inner workings and behind the scenes life of employees. It is heavy on the conquests of the narcissistic main character and is a primary tale or recollection of his grand adventure. Hats off to you if you actually listen all the way to the end.

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

There was some information provided that gave a glimpse at the industry that most of us will never have a chance to see. The narrator was commendable and easy to listen to.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Absolutely entertaining from cover to cover!

Could not stop listening to this remarkable journey on board a cruise ship. Loved it!

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

If you take cruises you MUST read this book!

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

I have never been on a cruise, but I still loved the book. Hearing the skinny on how cruise crews live, love, hate, and survive is mind boggling. Funny tales, infuriating encounters with other crew and passengers, and the boat politics will keep you captivated.

Any additional comments?

I wish the author would have told us more about his years as Art Auctioneer.

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  • Mr PJB
  • 12-29-16

Informative behind the scenes revelations

Informative, funny and enlightening. Excellent nararation. Look forward to the rest of the series being released in audio format.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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    1 out of 5 stars
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  • clifford
  • 09-25-17

moaning whining dull don't waste your time

terrible dull story. hours of moaning and whining hours of your life wasted you will never get back.