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Angels, Vampires and Douche Bags
- Narrated by: Carla Collins
- Length: 3 hrs and 11 mins
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Publisher's summary
In this candid confessional, comedian Carla Collins divides the world into the angels who guide us, inspire us, and save our butts; the sexy and trendy vampires who suck the life out of us; and the douche bags who constantly annoy, disgust, and taunt us.
With a fast wit, fake breasts and real heart, Collins shares her unconventional journey from a small steel town in Ontario, Canada, to Tinseltown, L.A. On this wild and revealing romp, she navigates her way through 72 imaginary friends, multiple fiancés, eight dogs, two marriages, and one topless grandmother.
Her hard-earned life lessons will show you that by taking risks, embracing humiliation and tapping into the power of laughter, anything is possible—and everyone is manageable. Attract more angels into your life, control your vampires, and keep all the douche bags at bay. Angels, Vampires and Douche Bags is original, edgy, uplifting and laugh-out-loud funny.
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- Narrated by: Bob Saget
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Millions of viewers know and love Bob Saget from his role as the sweetly neurotic father on the smash hit Full House, and as the charming wisecracking host of America's Funniest Home Videos. And then there are the legions of fans who can't get enough of his scatological, out-of-his-mind stand-up routines, comedy specials, and outrageously profane performances in such shows as HBO's Entourage and the hit documentary The Aristocrats.
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Meh to the 2nd Power
- By Hilary on 06-30-14
By: Bob Saget
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The Unspeakable
- And Other Subjects of Discussion
- By: Meghan Daum
- Narrated by: Meghan Daum
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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It's a report tempered by hard times. In "Matricide", Daum unflinchingly describes a parent's death and the uncomfortable emotions it provokes; and in "Diary of a Coma" she relates her own journey to the twilight of the mind. But Daum also operates in a comic register. With perfect precision, she reveals the absurdities of the marriage-industrial complex, of the New Age dating market, and of the peculiar habits of the young and digital.
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Complaining about her dead mom.
- By Erik Hermansen on 11-23-14
By: Meghan Daum
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The Mother of Black Hollywood
- A Memoir
- By: Jenifer Lewis
- Narrated by: Jenifer Lewis
- Length: 10 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Jenifer Lewis keeps it real in this provocative and touching memoir by a Midwestern girl with a dream whose journey from poverty to Hollywood will move, shock, and inspire listeners. Told in the audacious voice her fans adore, Jenifer describes a road to fame made treacherous by dysfunction and undiagnosed mental illness, including a sex addiction. Yet, supported by loving friends and strengthened by "inner soldiers", Jenifer never stopped entertaining and creating.
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I could barely finish it.
- By Manning Fam on 06-17-18
By: Jenifer Lewis
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Wildflower
- By: Drew Barrymore
- Narrated by: Drew Barrymore
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Wildflower is a portrait of Drew's life in stories as she looks back on the adventures, challenges, and incredible experiences of her earlier years. It includes tales of living on her own at 14 (and how laundry may have saved her life), getting stuck in a gas station overhang on a cross-country road trip, saying good-bye to her father in a way only he could have understood, and many more adventures and lessons that have led her to the successful, happy, and healthy place she is today.
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Hold the shrieking !
- By Dawne on 11-27-15
By: Drew Barrymore
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Normal Gets You Nowhere
- By: Kelly Cutrone
- Narrated by: Kelly Cutrone
- Length: 3 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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With Normal Gets You Nowhere, Kelly Cutrone invites us to get our freak on. History is full of successful, world-changing people who did not fit in. Think Nelson Mandela, Joan of Arc, Eleanor Roosevelt, Amelia Earhart, John Lennon, and Rosa Parks. Instead of changing themselves to accommodate the status quo or what others thought they should be, these people hung a light on their differences - and changed humanity in the process. “I know you don’t feel normal, so why are you trying to act it and prove to everyone you are?” Cutrone says.
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For open minds and hearts.
- By Kelly on 01-06-12
By: Kelly Cutrone
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BRAVE
- By: Rose McGowan
- Narrated by: Rose McGowan
- Length: 6 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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In a strange world where Rose McGowan was continually on display, stardom soon became a personal nightmare of constant exposure and sexualization. Rose escaped into the world of her mind, something she had done as a child, and into high-profile relationships. Every detail of her personal life became public, and the realities of an inherently sexist industry emerged with every script, role, public appearance, and magazine cover. The Hollywood machine packaged her as a sexualized bombshell, hijacking her image and identity and marketing them.
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I always wondered what it was like to be Rose
- By Bobbie J Daniel on 03-01-18
By: Rose McGowan
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I Don’t Care about Your Band
- What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated
- By: Julie Klausner
- Narrated by: Julie Klausner
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls.
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Shopping for Men at the Wrong Mall
- By Pamela Harvey on 01-02-13
By: Julie Klausner
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Growing Up Fisher
- Musings, Memories, and Misadventures
- By: Joely Fisher
- Narrated by: Joely Fisher
- Length: 9 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Actress, director, entertainer Joely Fisher invites listeners backstage into the intimate world of her career and family with this hilarious, irreverent, down-to-earth memoir filled with incredible, candid stories about her life, her famous parents, and how the loss of her unlikely hero, sister Carrie Fisher, ignited the writer in her.
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Not what I thought it would be but I loved it.
- By Kristopher's Korner on 01-15-18
By: Joely Fisher
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Here's the Story
- Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice
- By: Maureen McCormick
- Narrated by: Maureen McCormick
- Length: 5 hrs and 58 mins
- Abridged
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Overall
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Marcia Brady, eldest daughter on television's The Brady Bunch, had it all. But what viewers didn't know about the always sunny, perfect Marcia was that offscreen, her real-life counterpart, Maureen McCormick was living a very different - and not so wonderful - life. Maureen tells the shocking and inspirational true story of the beloved teen and the woman she became.
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Gripping
- By Chris on 08-12-14
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The Very Worst Missionary
- A Memoir or Whatever
- By: Jamie Wright
- Narrated by: Madeleine Lambert
- Length: 4 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
After finding Jesus at a suburban megachurch, young Jamie Wright trades in the easy life on the cul-de-sac for the green fields of Costa Rica. There, along with her husband, kids, and the family cat, she intends to serve God and make converts. But she soon loses faith and falls into a funk of cynicism and despair. Fortunately, Knives the cat is there, looking on with just enough disinterest to make her laugh...and dare her to try another way. That other way turns out to be telling the truth. She launches a renegade blog, Jamie the Very Worst Missionary, which wins a large following.
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Didn’t like the book
- By Jonathan on 04-17-20
By: Jamie Wright
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I Like You Just the Way I Am
- Stories About Me and Some Other People
- By: Jenny Mollen
- Narrated by: Jenny Mollen
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Jenny Mollen is an actress and writer living in Los Angeles. She is also a wife, married to a famous guy (which is annoying only because he gets free shit and she doesn't). She doesn't want much from life. Just to be loved - by everybody: her parents, her dogs, her ex-boyfriends, her ex-boyfriends' dogs, her husband, her husband's ex-girlfriends, her husband's ex-girlfriend's new boyfriends, etc.
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Hmm...Why am I listening to a bio of Jenny Mollen?
- By Elisabeth W. on 09-16-15
By: Jenny Mollen
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30 Before 30
- How I Made a Mess of 20s, and You Can Too
- By: Marina Shifrin
- Narrated by: Marina Shifrin
- Length: 6 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Something was nagging Marina Shifrin. As a freshly minted adult with student loan payments and a “real” job she hated that paid her enough to get by if she also worked two other jobs, something needed to change. Marina and her friend each made lists of 30 things they’d do before the age of 30. The first thing on Marina’s list was, “Quit My Shitty Job”. So she did, and just like that the List powered her through her twenties. Told with humor and heart, 30 Before 30 will entertain, motivate, and challenge listeners to get out of their comfort zones and live their best lives.
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Inspiring read
- By Chris Gledhill on 12-18-18
By: Marina Shifrin
What listeners say about Angels, Vampires and Douche Bags
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
- Jazzbea
- 08-12-11
Fantastic Portrayal Of Folks We Encounter
Carla’s depiction of various characters we come upon in life is down to earth. I too, believe Angels are "REAL PEOPLE" who touch our lives in an angelic way. Vampires are real people as well. Who has not encountered someone who’s sole purpose in life is a soul sucker. And Douche Bags? Nothing more needs to be said than the name.
I listened to this audio while driving on a long road trip. Very entertaining!
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Overall
- Felicia
- 08-05-10
Great Fun!
What I LOVED: I had (still don't) who Carla Collins is but she is freaking hilarious! This was a book about life and with her witty spin, I was laughing out loud while listening to it. She narrated her own book and you could tell she was making herself giggle at times.
What I LIKED: She talked about real things and gave real examples under each of the categories she talked about. She reads at a really good speed--I know this seems like something odd to mention but really the spe...more What I LOVED: I had (still don't) who Carla Collins is but she is freaking hilarious! This was a book about life and with her witty spin, I was laughing out loud while listening to it. She narrated her own book and you could tell she was making herself giggle at times.
What I LIKED: She talked about real things and gave real examples under each of the categories she talked about. She reads at a really good speed--I know this seems like something odd to mention but really the speed worked really well for the book. I also like that she blames Speidi for all the worlds problems :) (Totally Agree LOL)
Complaints: To short but hey that is just because I was completely entertained.
Why I gave it a 4: I laughed so much I was almost crying at parts. Carla is funny, down to earth, and really knows how to deliver a story. A not to miss autobiography in my book.
Who I would recommend it too: Fans of Chelsea Handler or Jen Lancaster should enjoy this one :)
Received from: bought from audible
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