Showing results by narrator "Greg Proops" in All Categories

The Smartest Book in the World is based on Proops' sensational, iTunes Top 10 podcast. The audiobook is a rollicking reference guide to the most essential areas of knowledge in Proops' universe, from the noteworthy names of the ancient world and baseball to the movies you must see and the albums you must hear.

Hello, pesky liberals! Festive swearing and baroque insults abound as the White House hands out Medals of Freedom to everyone performing violent rear-end assault on the Constitution. Also, we find out that the secular Jews who run Hollywood love anal sex, not Jesus biopics, and that Jessica Simpson's dad is hyper-aware of his daughter's cup size. Then, conservatives lay it out straight: you either love children, or you love abortion. What's it gonna be?

Hey there wild mustangs! Sure, Michael Jackson impersonators have new-found employment re-enacting courtroom scenes on TV and Southern California hasn�t been this rained-upon in 100 years, but fear not the apocalypse! Proops tells us why we will all live to die another day. Also, we are treated to an unreleased transcript of Koko the Famous Talking Pervert Ape�s sexually-harassing exchange with a research assistant.

Hey party prawns! This week Proops has got nuthin' but time to lambaste everyone from Rick Santorum to his beloved President G.W. Bush, who ended his recent vacation early to sign a mysterious law inspired by one mysterious person. Also, Congress dares to take on the ultra-divisive "steroids are bad" issue, Halliburton fibs again, and a pet-store owner sees the face and shoulders of Satan on the shell of a turtle named Lucky.

Hello, Kittens of the Ocelot. Greg Proops is your host nation for this Olympian-sized edition of AudibleProops. He's doing it Greco-Roman style this week (i.e., naked, oiled, and on a bed of feta cheese), dropping the knowledge on your lame ass, and laying waste to all you hold dear and all he thinks he holds dear.

Hello my little quibblers. This week, Proops invites you to listen real close and then disregard every f***** thing you hear. In the news, Enron flexes its lobbying muscles in times of peace and stability to help some rich and powerful friends; Proops goes over some nicknames that world leaders give each other; and Supreme Court appointee John Roberts is white and nice.

Hello, rascals! This week, Proops takes a brief respite from riding the blue-black equine of the Apocalypse to finds some solace...in South Asian civil wars getting rained out by a tsunami. However, talk quickly turns back to blame, retribution, and possible hilarity, as Bush stays on vacation for three days before even acknowledging the tsunami disaster, supposedly doing what Jesus would do in a similar situation: hang, play some foosball, crack open a few sodas.

Hello gremlins! Proops has a lot on his mind in this episode, including the death of that frisky Pope as well as Terry Schiavo. By the way, Proops notes, the Bush family have a "do not resuscitate" clause in their living will. Plus, contradictions and heavy symbolism abound during Laura Bush's visit to Afghanistan, and CEOs get paid even more when their companies perform badly.

Hello, Laughter Lovers, it's your bi-weekly dispatch of AudibleProops. Greg Proops seeks to disturb, destroy, and demonize, and that's even before this week's election results were in. We start in the lip-syncing land of Ashley Simpson who ranks at the bottom of the teen-pop dynasty, right behind Britney, Christina, and even sister Jessica. Then, it's Jon Stewart calling Tucker Carlson out on Crossfire and the Proops recommended diet for Ann Coulter.

Hello Audibillions, welcome to the Proops Ranch - the last stop for cappuccino before the vast arid wasteland known as Dubya Country. Proops doesn't flip-flop and he's here to provide refuge for timed, depressed democrats with one little thought: polls don't vote. Proops then ponders how the Republicans came to own 9/11 and suggests that 30 years from now, when Vice President Jenna Bush is calling candidate Chelsea Clinton a bi'otch, we are all going to know about Judgment Day.

Hello AudibleProops people! In this episode, Proops distorts facts and reinterprets logic, so all the conservatives listening in should feel right at home. Proops ponders the differences between war and diplomacy, and concludes that while negotiating merely bores people, wars actually bore holes in people. Also, Democrats are getting harder and harder to understand these days, as two mindless Democrat women blather incoherently about "voting reform" and "standard elections".

Hello Romans, welcome to AudibleProops where the Empire is on fire and the Emperor is yelling "liberal". In this dizzying journey behind the news and the lies that make up the news, Proops promises to inform, insult and then cry alone in his room. He's dropping the bomb on the chariot races and, by Zeus, we're off to the races. Proops is eager to read Mrs. Lynne Cheney's post-third-debate-comments verbatim about what a bad, bad man John Kerry is for outing her openly gay daughter.

Hello, piglets of the new millennium! Proops starts this episode off with a mournful piece about Brad and Jen's breakup. Why can't two moderately talented, fairly attractive, reasonably wealthy people stay together? Proops knows, and he's telling. Also, Prince Harry's recent Nazi dress up incident may put him high among the ranks of idiotic rich people.

Hello ungrateful nippers and welcome to this editon of AudibleProops, the biggest circus tent of them all, where everyone is encouraged to sit back and listen to the sweet sounds of Proops' opinions. Just back from another jaunt in Canadia, Proops says of all the things Alberta has to offer, a great hockey team and a liberal opinion are not on the list. Then, Dan Rather lied to the people and the Nation has been shaken to its core. Really.

Hello, fellow consumers. In light of the recent brawling ballers debacle, Proops tells us why basketball is the one American sport that is consistently violent enough to actually be entertaining. Then, conservative Ann Coultier makes a great moral measuring stick: if she is against an issue, then that issue must be inherently right and true. Proops also reminds us that conservative talk show hosts can never truthfully invoke the opinion of "the people", since they don't actually know any.

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Hey there, ocelots of the winter tide! Be proud and brave, like a crazed eagle on methamphetamine, as you are entering an All Spin Zone. Journalism? More like stenography, if you ask Proops. "CBS: Bringing you the best in stenography. Whatever the government says, you can be sure we'll copy it down word for word. Go back to sleep."

Hello, little dim-sums! Well, it appears that the poor and aged have once again conspired to steal all our hard-earned cash with something called Social Security. That just sounds Commie from the start to Proops' ears. This is a country where things are given to people based on merit. For instance: no one is a better singer than Ashlee Simpson, and that is why she got a break!