The Velvet Rage

Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

By: Alan Downs PhD

Narrated by: Alan Downs PhD

The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out”, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger - a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.

Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.

(P)2012 HighBridge Company

Incredibly validating

I’ve never encountered such an eloquent and precise articulation of what it’s like to be a gay man. Required reading.

This book is everything.

It should be a required reading for all gay men. I’m listening for a second time in a row!

Love Joy Fulfillment.

"Do what will bring you peace." I can't imagine how my life would have changed had I found this book 4 years ago. Please read it and share it.

Sensational

I just finished this and am still letting the information sink in. If you are experiencing challenges in your personal life And you are a gay man with an urban lifestyle (or longing), I think this can be tremendously helpful in gaining perspective. I am currently working on overcoming infidelity and quickly realized by reading this book that some of the reasons my marriage derailed have much to do with a lack of focus on authenticity. I believe the skills chapter is tremendously helpful and will recommend this to all my friends and family. Just excellent.

A must-read for every gay man

Written by a gay psychologist who writes as though you are an intimate friend, he outlines three phases of gay life. His writing helps me understand behaviors I have and thing I need to be cognizant of to be a good life partner and to find contentment in life. I was able to expand my lexicon to be able to talk about difficult concepts and behaviors that I previously didn't have terms for. It's helped my partner and me talk through difficult things. It truly is a must-read for every gay man.