Funny Action

I charge $80 an hour for platonic, therapeutic cuddling. I didn’t charge extra for becoming the tactical obsession of a special-ops werewolf unit. My name is Carmen, and I’m a professional cuddler. No funny business—just holding lonely people so they feel human again. It’s a quiet job, until I get a group booking from "The Triad." I expected three nervous tech guys. I got three wall-to-wall muscles who look like they eat rocks for breakfast. They are a tactical mercenary team, lovers who have been fighting back-to-back for a decade. They claimed they needed grounding for "combat ...

Jake and Taylor Wilder have been taking care of themselves for a long time. Their father abandoned the family years ago, and their mother is too busy working and running interference between the boys and her boyfriend, Bull, to spend a lot of time with them. Thirteen-year-old Jake spends most of his time reading. He pores over his father's journal, which is full of wilderness facts and survival tips. Eleven-year-old Taylor likes to be outside playing with their dog, Cody, or joking around with the other kids in the neighborhood. But one night everything changes.

An alien cat turned me into a superweapon. I was homeless on the streets of Third York when it happened. Then the military arrived and gave me a choice. Enlist or die. The next thing I knew, I was fighting giant robots at the Xenoforce Academy's boot camp. Figuring out superpowers and energy levels was hard enough, but I had to deal with a mind-reading alien princess, a team of gorgeous women, and a femme fatale in charge of the whole operation. Oh, and a galactic conspiracy is threatening all of humanity. It's up to me and my new feline friend to set things right. A civil war's brewing on ...

New middle school? Scary. Falling into a world of dragons and dark magic? Terrifying. Twin siblings Kyle and Kenzie thought starting a new middle school was their biggest problem until a mysterious, golden dragon yanked them through a portal into a realm filled with mythical beasts, skeletal soldiers, and wand-wielding witches. Stranded in a dangerous world where magic rules and nothing is as it seems, the twins join forces with a tiny dragon who’s lost his magic, and an ex-assassin with a haunted past. Their mission? Stop a power-hungry necromancer, survive an army of undead, and somehow...

When you offer therapy to monsters, it’s wise to keep a sword handy. Master swordsman Logan Snow thought trading epic quests for a cozy counseling center would be his happily-ever-after. After all, when you delve into a giant’s dark past or advise an ogre with anger issues, what could go wrong? When a letter arrives bearing the grim news that Logan’s old mentor has been captured by a powerful warlock and imprisoned in his citadel, he must dust off his sword and attempt a desperate rescue. He rallies a group of unlikely heroes including Tressa, an alluring and deadly magician, and ...

Sixteen years ago, I lost Belle, the love of my life, in a tragic car accident. Devastated, I left Scotland to work in Uncle Ben's brokerage firm in Manhattan. Dedicating my life to the job, I rose to the top of the ladder, next in line to head the billion-dollar company. Belle, however, never left my heart. Every year––on our anniversary––I dine at the restaurant where we first met. And that's when I saw her again…today! She was three tables away—the spitting image of Belle from sixteen years ago. It couldn’t be a coincidence. It had to be fate or at least a sign. Now, ...

ALA Best Fiction for Young Adults * ALA Booklist Editors' Choice * ALA Notable Children's Book “Pratchett’s unique blend of comedy and articulate insight is at its vibrant best. Full of rich humor, wisdom, and eventfulness.” —Horn Book (starred review) By the beloved and bestselling...

Bing. Bang. Boom. That’s how Charlotte’s life is going. First, her summer romance lands on the rocks, because reality is, she has bills to pay - and that’s hard to do when you're an archaeologist living in rural East Texas. Bing. Then an opportunity drops in on her she can’t say no to, because she signed a contract. But, in a weird way, this is her passion - digging up bones and researching ancient history - even if it’s not exactly her field of expertise. So she takes the job. Bang. And now the BOOM. Her old colleague is back from the dead, working with a past nemesis. She’s ...

When petty criminal Cal Carver is locked in a cell with a deranged, semi-naked cannibal, he suspects his life has hit its lowest point. He is mistaken. Abducted by aliens and whisked across the galaxy, Cal is thrown into a team of misfits and criminals and sent on a top secret mission for the president of Space. And that's when everything starts to go very, very wrong....

One night with a superpowered babe. Alan Star thinks he's the luckiest guy in the world, but fantasy turns into nightmare when a late-night meetup with a heroine turns deadly. To the dismay of the powers-in-charge, Alan has stumbled upon the dirty truth behind the squeaky-clean image of the hero business. Soon, everyone from government black ops to angry superpowered flames want to shut him up. Permanently. With nowhere else to run, Alan escapes to the one place that the heroes won't go: the underground world of a fabled hero-killer. There, he discovers the key to becoming the greatest hero...

I've never been a fan of giant space robots…until I found myself fighting one. Once again, Alex, Lucy, Joey and the rest of the Starflare crew must save the galaxy. The humorless Commander Sarrik informs them that their help is needed urgently. This time a city-sized space robot with a personality problem and a laser cannon to match is threatening to destroy all life as we know it. Now it’s heading straight for the galactic core, blasting through everything in its path like a kid in a toy store with no adult supervision. The authorities are helpless. The space cartels are panicking. And...

How do you take on the most powerful organization of the supernatural world? One death at a time. A thousand years in the making, the Council finally has created their strongest weapon. What they didn’t expect was for her to target them. Forged by the pits of the underworld, Brooklyn plays her part all too well until the assassination of her friend. It was meant to send Brooklyn a message. What it did instead was unleash an uncontrolled rage that threatens the Council’s very existence. Each target tips the moral compass and realigns who is friend and who is foe. Unified by necessity, ...

Meet Xavier Johnson—the star wide receiver of the Chicago Thunderhawks, a man idolized and envied, and always the center of the spotlight. But the arrival of a new rookie shakes his world when he meets the rookie's sister, the alluring Emma Thompson, a sports psychologist with a striking presence and relentless spirit! In the wake of Xavier's ex-girlfriend flaunting her new love, a rival football player, the field heats up off the game as well! Xavier, unable to resist Emma's charm, proposes a risqué deal—He will mentor Emma’s talented brother, Jeff, if she agrees to be his fake ...

Author Mark Lawrence has won over audiences everywhere with Prince of Thorns, his exciting debut novel. Nine-year-old Prince Jorg is forced to watch as his mother and brother are slaughtered. Fleeing the palace, Jorg joins a bloodthirsty band of thugs. But he’s determined to take back what’s rightfully his, so he returns to the castle a few years later - unaware of the dark and powerful magic that awaits.

Meet Tommy Martini, the monk with an anger management problem. His meditations are interrupted by a legacy from his uncle, a crooked priest. Arriving in a New Age Arizona town to claim his inheritance, Brother Tommy meets a charismatic, smoking-hot cult leader who claims that women are being impregnated by alien beings while they sleep. Tommy’s own sleep is disturbed - by cartel hitmen, Mafia bill collectors, and women intrigued by his vow of chastity.

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER “Extremely funny . . . inspired lunacy . . . [and] over much too soon.”—The Washington Post Book World Now celebrating the pivotal 42nd anniversary of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy! Nominated as one of America’s best-loved novels by PBS’s The...

The first novel in the First Law Trilogy and debut fantasy novel from New York Times bestseller, Joe Abercrombie. Logen Ninefingers, infamous barbarian, has finally run out of luck. Caught in one feud too many, he's on the verge of becoming a dead barbarian -- leaving nothing behind him but bad...

The town of Franklin Falls is having its 100th birthday. And that means the town’s historic time capsule is about to be dug up and put on display by the proud citizens. Yeah, well, not if the crooked mayor has his way. Good thing all-around smart kid Leon Karakostas is one step ahead of him. Leon and his twin sister, Noel, and his crew - Pixie, Microscope, and Aardvark - find themselves in a mad dash to the dump, on a rooftop chase, and caught up in a showdown with a mysterious grandma.

The final novel in the First Law Trilogy by New York Times bestseller Joe Abercrombie. Logen Ninefingers might only have one more fight in him -- but it's going to be a big one. Battle rages across the North, the king of the Northmen still stands firm, and there's only one man who can stop him...

Teddy Fitzroy’s back for another zoo mystery—this time it’s a koala caper—in this action-packed follow-up to Belly Up that School Library Journal called a “whopper of a whodunit that delivers plenty of suspects, action, slapstick, gross bodily functions, red herrings, and animal trivia...