The Defining Decade

Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now

By: Meg Jay

Narrated by: Meg Jay

Length: 5 hrs and 28 mins

Publisher's summary

Contemporary culture tells us the twentysomething years don't matter. Clinical psychologist Dr Meg Jay argues that this could not be further from the truth. In fact, your 20s are the most defining decade of adulthood.

The Defining Decade weaves the latest science of the twentysomething years with real-life stories to show us how work, relationships, personality, social networks, identity and even the brain can change more during this decade than at any other time in adulthood.

Smart, compassionate and constructive, The Defining Decade is a practical guide to making the most of the years we cannot afford to miss.

©2016 Meg Jay (P)2012 Hachette Audio

Eye opening

I’m 22 and thinking about the future can be so daunting. This book made me realize I need to get out there and make the most out of these years before they fly by and catch me unaware. Great book

Have read the book before, first listen this time

I’ve read this book before but this was my first listen and it’s still just as powerful as it was the first time!
Something applicable to each part/aspect of your 20s and so reassuring and motivating. Really helped me each time to want to make the most of my defining decade.

Review of a 20-something year old

As a young 20-something, this book provides answers to topics and questions that you hadn't even considered... insightful read with practical advice that, if applied even in a small way, can dramatically improve the success of your career & relationships in your 30s and beyond by being intentional about what you think and do in your 20s. Detailed recounts of Meg's clients and their situations also provide "what not to do" in your 20s... equally as valuable and even more motivating. I highly recommend this book to anyone in their 20s.

I hope that this book reaches many more 20-somethings that are longing for wisdom and advice on how to make the most of their 20s to create the life they want in their 30s, 40s, 50s and so on. This book is much needed.

Gave me much insight and the courage to go get

Gave me so much insight and the courage to go get the life I've always wanted for myself

Read the book if you 18-35. Great life lessons!

This is one those books that I wish I read at the start of my 20s. Not because I have any regrets, but because I would've realised much sooner how much identity capital I've been accumulating. This would be a great gift to give to a high school graduate.

Good but more needed!

This book is great for people in their late teens and twenties and motivates one to get on with their life... however more information and help on how to start and go on forward after knowing this information would be helpful.

Life changing

This book was honestly life changing. From someone in their 20’s wow. I needed this

Amazing

Every single 20 something should read this! Be intentional is what I take away from this, and many, many more lessons!

Some good advice within the rubbish

I found most of this book to be pretty useless as a driven 23 year old, and some of the information to be a little over dramatic and not applicable to anyone outside of America or with slightly different life plans than the ‘norm’. Most of this book is spent persuading 20 somethings to intern at large companies and start preparing for marriage and babies, which I found to be hugely outdated advice. Some of the ‘examples’ the author uses are almost caricatures of the typical millennial, and it’s a hard book to take seriously. However, there are a couple of worthwhile tips here, but you’ll have to sift through the boring and at times patronising narration to get to them.

Blame and fear aren't that inspiring

All the actually good thoughts there got completely lost for me in the assertive tone of voice. Meg Ray has very strong opinions of what is 'right and wrong', and the entire book felt very black and white to me in its judgements, like there is nothing in between. I believe in good intentions of the author but oh boy, was there any self-help book that made me feel more guilty about my decisions - which aren't even bad at all - than this one? I doubt so.

I am 25 and I was coming for some inspiration but the book left me angry and disappointed. Even more, I can imagine how this book might be harmful for people who are depressed and lost in their life. There are so many amazing sources out there that can help understand yourself, your brain, your emotions. Sources that give you practical advice on how to be a better and happier human instead of making you feel like you're already too late after 30 if you weren't thoughtful and productive enough. If you're anything after 22 and you decide to read this book, use it with some criticism and remember the book is just an opinion, either way. Challenge it!

Brilliant and eye opening

Fantastic book, was recommend by a friend and and I will be recommending to others!

Focus on practicality

I think one of the main problems with Megs clients and I can see this in myself, is being stuck with head in the clouds of things we will believe will fulfill us. It might be true that our dream vocation won’t be what we do right now, but at least building up savings and a good foundation is important. I guess as someone who has put a lot of work into internships, the pressure that we feel to succeed for external motivations sat home with me. However, I do need to accept that at this point in my life I cannot make the easy choice of either dropping my job and changing direction, or continuing doing things I’m not passionate about. It’s all about becoming strategic, setting goals and making plans. I recently saw the appeal again of a visualization board paired with a timeline of some sort. When I was a teenager they seemed like vague dreams packed with some celebrity lifestyle, now I assume these boards might actually be meaningful. (22 y.o/female)

I wish I had read this sooner!

Being 28, I wish I had read this book sooner. There are some amazing nuggets of gold in this that would have shaped my life a little differently if I had read this 5 years ago. But still, super helpful to read.

It’s a great mixture of research, Meg’s knowledge as a psychologist and stories of real people. It helps to connect the facts with reality and make it relatable to your own life.

I’ll definitely be recommending it to anyone in their 20’s!

An important book

If you are in your twenties, plus or minus five years, or a parent, this feels like essential reading.

I’m 22 and I had no direction!

Some of the recent reviews almost made me not read the book but the book was very good. I can see why some who have reached 25+ might not like it but as a 22 year old who got her degree and waited for something to push me in any direction, this did. It teaches you that you make life. It’s not like your teenage years where you can sail through and it all works out in the end because at the end of the day you had parents and or friends guiding you. From 20 you quickly learn that no one is going to teach you to be an adult, no one is gonna force you to make the best choice and if you don’t get up and do it then it won’t be done. For 2 years I wondered why I hated my life and why my life wasn’t changing for the better and this book taught me that the problem was me. I was still looking at myself like a kid but I’m in my twenties. If I don’t get up and do something then nothing will change. With time I probably would have learned to me more intentional but it’s nice to get that reality check right now since it definitely didn’t come to me straight after graduating. This book is for the young adults who have to be reminded that there adults despite how young they feel. They need to make life changing decisions in this decade and it can’t be avoided. If you were lost, depressed or confused then you should read this book because so much can change even before you turn 25 and everything is applicable to you despite where you live. I live in Ireland and there was not one thing mentioned that doesn’t apply to me. If you have access to this book then everything applies to you. If you’re 25+ please be open minded reading this book, a lot of what’s gathered really opens the eyes of a person who just hit their twenties. Anyways it had been 10 years since I last read a book this definitely eased me back in!!! (12/03/2023).

Useful to know

I like this book I think it’s well structured and the stories she tell make a lot of sense

A genuine must read

I put off reading this book for a while because I thought it would make me feel behind, or that it meant I would have to face up to what starting to get older was about. I’m 24 and have always felt juxtaposed that I want to become more mature but don’t want to give up the feeling of freedom of being young.

Through reading this book, I realised those fears were entirely wrong. If anything this book has given me even more confidence and comfort in work and in relationships. There are so many relatable stories / situations that made me feel like I wasn’t going through this time period alone.

Will definitely be re-reading multiple times over the next few years and would highly recommend!

interesting concepts, but too judgmental approach

I liked the sociological & psychological concepts and experiments shared - they were quite interesting and it added appropriate and credible evidence for the advice being given. However, I didn't appreciate the black-and-white and judgmental approach at times.
[spoiler-y] Sometimes I felt the way the case studies were shared was to shame certain life decisions, or how there are certain "wrong" paths one must avoid. In a way it contradicts one of its advice that decisions don't have to be linear but it should make sense.. instead of just emphasising that during our twenties we should at least be intentional and have a direction or an idea of how it connects with the rest of our life (which does make sense), it seemed as if there was also a "right or wrong" direction towards this "successful rest of our life". I disagree with this because life direction and definition of success is personal, and sometimes the "seemingly wrong" decisions all shape this. It wouldn't even be "wrong decisions" at all if that's the direction chosen by the person, as long as they felt happy about it and are good in character. [end spoiler]

I feel it would be more effective if it were in a more self-compassionate language and more inclusive of different life paths.