Say What You Mean

A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication
Length: 11 hrs
4.5 out of 5 stars (118 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Find your voice, speak your truth, listen deeply - a guide to more meaningful and mindful conversations.

We spend so much of our lives talking to each other, but how much are we simply running on automatic - relying on old habits and hoping for the best? Are we able to truly hear others and speak our mind in a clear and kind way, without needing to get defensive or go on the attack? 

In this groundbreaking synthesis of mindfulness, somatics, and nonviolent communication, Oren Jay Sofer offers simple yet powerful practices to develop healthy, effective, and satisfying ways of communicating.

The techniques in Say What You Mean will help you to:

  • Feel confident during conversation
  • Stay focused on what really matters in an interaction
  • Listen for the authentic concerns behind what others say
  • Reduce anxiety before and during difficult conversations
  • Find nourishment in day-to-day interactions
©2018 Oren Jay Sofer (P)2019 Random House Audio
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Life Changing!

I took Oren's online course for this book and it was life changing. Oren has a true genuine quality in his wiliness to be venerable in his communications with others, sharing from his own life's experiences and his heart. His techniques teach us to be present for ourselves and the other person and at the same time how get the needs of being heard and valued met in both. He helps us achieve this through sensory meditations of learning how to be pause and be present, using reflection, and buddy practice to slowly change old communication habits that no longer serve us or others well. Oren's website has recordings that accompany this book. His site has informational blogs and you can sign up for his email offerings to enhance your journey as your travel through the pages his book. The books audio was also recorded by Oren himself offering us more opportunities to learn the importance of when and where to pause, for how long and allowing us to hear how this emphasizes compassionate listening. The work of Marshall Rosenberg and Thich Nhat Hanh on non-violent communication, learning to be in the present moment, loving kindness, and deep listening, have both influenced Oren's life in bringing us to the next natural step of world peace. This is a book you do not want to miss.

9 people found this helpful

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Life changing.

On the first listen it’s clear that this book speaks to all of us, and to many of our needs for connection, compassion and empathy. Our natural longing for investment in our own growth and understanding is met consistently with each subsequent listen after the first. There is a visceral peace that is delivered through these words. A warm and calming hug for the neuroticisms we’ve developed over years of unhealthy relationships and self-defensive strategies. It’s ok that you’re a social buffoon who has sabotaged every engagement with triggered reactions and self-righteous claims of dominance over those who have been doing the exact same thing. The pain of the past doesn’t define you, but rather gives you the appropriate context for learning what comes next. Freedom, acceptance, understanding, and ownership of all the things that make you who you are, can be celebrated with a minor adjustment to your perspective. Relax and take your time with this... listen to it again and again... meditate on the value of clear and open communication through empathy for yourself and others.

For years, I’ve been searching for this path with out knowing it. If you’ve tried it all but aren’t ready to give up yet, this could be the book that sets you on a steady, upward trajectory and pacifies your cravings and demands.

We’ve all got needs. One of them is this course on healthy, non-coercive, authentic connection. Do yourself and those around you a favor and start growing today.

2 people found this helpful

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No meat to the content

I was excited to see that this book included non violent communication, somatic psychology and mindfulness. However I didn’t feel like the book went into any depth with any of those subjects. The author was primarily schooled in Buddhism, then studied some NVC, and somehow incorporated a very basic description of the autonomic nervous system towards the end of the book. No meat to the book. I wasn’t able to finish it, but skipped through listening to the beginning of each chapter. Very basic concepts of social interactions are described in depth. Lots of personal process and trying to say how this book will change your life, but not giving any helpful concepts.

10 people found this helpful

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I wish this were required reading...

and I wish I had a different title, although I don’t know what it would be. It’s soooo much more that just a system for communicating with purpose. It’s about knowing yourself, your needs, and how they tangle into you psyche and speech. If you are into meditation, check out Oren’s guideds, you will be glad you did.

1 person found this helpful

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Saved Me From A Tailspin

Thank you Oren Jay Sofer! I had a personal relationship crisis, and was falling into old patterns of ego driven thinking, and fear based thinking. Your book provided me a pathway to communicate from my heart, stating what I need and to get curious about what the other person needed. I felt so much better once I stopped blaming myself and the other party... instead, invited a collaboration of ideas to move toward a harmonious solution. The material is accessible, and you place yourself in the trenches with us, that you also, from time to time, need to be mindful, take pause, and think before reacting. I highly recommend this book!

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Terrible

It is slow and boring and obvious. In all my time on audible I have never given a bad review. This insulted my intelligence.

4 people found this helpful

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Are you a human being? If so, read this book

One of the most useful books to carrying out my day to day life. Thank you Oren. This book if for EVERYONE. You will love the personal growth that results from reading it.

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Best book on communication and relating I have read!

I have loved NVC (nonviolent communication), but it hasn’t been easy to put into practice as I’ve understood it. Oren Sofer’s book does an outstanding job of making NVC work naturally, by combining it with presence and intention. I wish all my friends and family would read it so they can benefit like I have! As much of more than interpersonal communication, these principles help me internally avoiding many of the traps that can lead to self criticism, depression, etc.

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essential communication basics for everyone

I found this book very helpful. I like the way the information is broken down and repeated in ways that absorb the information. It's very well written and communicated. The audio reading is excellent. I enjoyed the voice and pace of reading. This is a book worth playing over and over again. The techniques, however practical, may not necessarily be that obvious too many of us. I highly recommend this book.

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Embarrassing

I've never felt shame and cringe quite as strong while listening to audiobook. Holistic approach, white privilege, gender-neutral pronounces. At the end of the first hour, author still can't get single point across. This book needs structure and editing.

13 people found this helpful

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  • Pascale S.
  • 07-22-19

Powerful tools for improving communication

An in-depth look at how we can improve our communications ina range of situations and relationships.
The author powerfully blends Buddhist practices with NVC (Non-Violent Communication) approaches.
Recommended for any reader who is committed to improving their relationships through effective, heartfelt, mutually-satisfying dialogue.
Thank you Oren for a wonderful book!

3 people found this helpful

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  • Jenny
  • 06-24-20

Inspiring

Well ... I felt very guided through the path I’ve been feeling in my life. Through This book I’ll be exploring Oren’s web page and classes ! Apart from reading Marshal as a fresh for me !
I’m so glad I found Oren’s book

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  • Anonymous User
  • 05-22-20

Yes Yes Yes

Every sentence has a pearl. Clear
and concise. A practical toolkit for mindful compassionate communication, so needed in my life and in our world today. A timely masterpiece and a gift to humankind as we navigate communicating in these Covid-Times.

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  • lachy
  • 01-16-20

A hard listen

Was looking forward to reading this so that I could improve my communication skills, but I could not finish it.

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  • Deborah Mohr
  • 08-03-19

This is a must read.

I thoroughly enjoyed listening to this book. The narration speed was just right. The pauses to unpack principles was great. I I could share it with all my friends like I would a paper book because it's something I'd love them a to read. I will be listening again a few times till it all sinks in.