Say What You Mean

A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication

By: Oren Jay Sofer, Joseph Goldstein

Narrated by: Oren Jay Sofer, Mark Bramhall

Length: 11 hrs

Publisher's summary

Find your voice, speak your truth, listen deeply - a guide to more meaningful and mindful conversations.

We spend so much of our lives talking to each other, but how much are we simply running on automatic - relying on old habits and hoping for the best? Are we able to truly hear others and speak our mind in a clear and kind way, without needing to get defensive or go on the attack? 

In this groundbreaking synthesis of mindfulness, somatics, and nonviolent communication, Oren Jay Sofer offers simple yet powerful practices to develop healthy, effective, and satisfying ways of communicating.

The techniques in Say What You Mean will help you to:

• Feel confident during conversation
• Stay focused on what really matters in an interaction
• Listen for the authentic concerns behind what others say
• Reduce anxiety before and during difficult conversations
• Find nourishment in day-to-day interactions

©2018 Oren Jay Sofer (P)2019 Random House Audio

No meat to the content

I was excited to see that this book included non violent communication, somatic psychology and mindfulness. However I didn’t feel like the book went into any depth with any of those subjects. The author was primarily schooled in Buddhism, then studied some NVC, and somehow incorporated a very basic description of the autonomic nervous system towards the end of the book. No meat to the book. I wasn’t able to finish it, but skipped through listening to the beginning of each chapter. Very basic concepts of social interactions are described in depth. Lots of personal process and trying to say how this book will change your life, but not giving any helpful concepts.

Life Changing!

I took Oren's online course for this book and it was life changing. Oren has a true genuine quality in his wiliness to be venerable in his communications with others, sharing from his own life's experiences and his heart. His techniques teach us to be present for ourselves and the other person and at the same time how get the needs of being heard and valued met in both. He helps us achieve this through sensory meditations of learning how to be pause and be present, using reflection, and buddy practice to slowly change old communication habits that no longer serve us or others well. Oren's website has recordings that accompany this book. His site has informational blogs and you can sign up for his email offerings to enhance your journey as your travel through the pages his book. The books audio was also recorded by Oren himself offering us more opportunities to learn the importance of when and where to pause, for how long and allowing us to hear how this emphasizes compassionate listening. The work of Marshall Rosenberg and Thich Nhat Hanh on non-violent communication, learning to be in the present moment, loving kindness, and deep listening, have both influenced Oren's life in bringing us to the next natural step of world peace. This is a book you do not want to miss.

Embarrassing

I've never felt shame and cringe quite as strong while listening to audiobook. Holistic approach, white privilege, gender-neutral pronounces. At the end of the first hour, author still can't get single point across. This book needs structure and editing.

Terrible

It is slow and boring and obvious. In all my time on audible I have never given a bad review. This insulted my intelligence.

Saved Me From A Tailspin

Thank you Oren Jay Sofer! I had a personal relationship crisis, and was falling into old patterns of ego driven thinking, and fear based thinking. Your book provided me a pathway to communicate from my heart, stating what I need and to get curious about what the other person needed. I felt so much better once I stopped blaming myself and the other party... instead, invited a collaboration of ideas to move toward a harmonious solution. The material is accessible, and you place yourself in the trenches with us, that you also, from time to time, need to be mindful, take pause, and think before reacting. I highly recommend this book!

Life changing.

On the first listen it’s clear that this book speaks to all of us, and to many of our needs for connection, compassion and empathy. Our natural longing for investment in our own growth and understanding is met consistently with each subsequent listen after the first. There is a visceral peace that is delivered through these words. A warm and calming hug for the neuroticisms we’ve developed over years of unhealthy relationships and self-defensive strategies. It’s ok that you’re a social buffoon who has sabotaged every engagement with triggered reactions and self-righteous claims of dominance over those who have been doing the exact same thing. The pain of the past doesn’t define you, but rather gives you the appropriate context for learning what comes next. Freedom, acceptance, understanding, and ownership of all the things that make you who you are, can be celebrated with a minor adjustment to your perspective. Relax and take your time with this... listen to it again and again... meditate on the value of clear and open communication through empathy for yourself and others.

For years, I’ve been searching for this path with out knowing it. If you’ve tried it all but aren’t ready to give up yet, this could be the book that sets you on a steady, upward trajectory and pacifies your cravings and demands.

We’ve all got needs. One of them is this course on healthy, non-coercive, authentic connection. Do yourself and those around you a favor and start growing today.

I wish this were required reading...

and I wish I had a different title, although I don’t know what it would be. It’s soooo much more that just a system for communicating with purpose. It’s about knowing yourself, your needs, and how they tangle into you psyche and speech. If you are into meditation, check out Oren’s guideds, you will be glad you did.

Best book on communication and relating I have read!

I have loved NVC (nonviolent communication), but it hasn’t been easy to put into practice as I’ve understood it. Oren Sofer’s book does an outstanding job of making NVC work naturally, by combining it with presence and intention. I wish all my friends and family would read it so they can benefit like I have! As much of more than interpersonal communication, these principles help me internally avoiding many of the traps that can lead to self criticism, depression, etc.

essential communication basics for everyone

I found this book very helpful. I like the way the information is broken down and repeated in ways that absorb the information. It's very well written and communicated. The audio reading is excellent. I enjoyed the voice and pace of reading. This is a book worth playing over and over again. The techniques, however practical, may not necessarily be that obvious too many of us. I highly recommend this book.

Generally Good, Vague Ideas but Promotes Racism

Generally good ideas on communication. Has one of the best explanations of mindfulness and meditation I've come across in a communications book so far. Inspired by Buddhist meditation and Non-Violent Communication.

Though the book lacks some structure and its ideas can come off as vague, general self-help advice that are hard to put into everyday practice (which is always a problem in this field, so I wouldn't entirely hold that against the author).

Unfortunately it employs some of the typical Millennial racism and sexism.

Example: The author encourages you to let go of blaming others and to realize that your emotions are under your control, not others'. Very good advice. Then the author blames white men for making minorities and women feel belittled and victimized. Just the typical Millennial racism, sexism, and hypocrisy we've all come to expect.

(Btw, I'm not white, in case you were wondering. And if you think that somehow makes my opinion more or less credible, then you might be a racist too ;)

The author would do better to stop pretending he understands American politics and world history, and replace that (filler) content with more examples of practical, concrete 1-on-1 conversations he's experienced. That would make him look less like a wet-behind-the-ears liberal arts undergrad, and instead help readers more in their everyday conversations (which is the purpose of the book, right?).

tl;dr: Decent book with solid—if slightly vague—ideas marred by "progressive" pandering and fallacies. But still probably one of the better books in its field, so if you're interested then I'd still recommend you to give it a try (remember that you can return Audible books within 12 months).

Powerful tools for improving communication

An in-depth look at how we can improve our communications ina range of situations and relationships.
The author powerfully blends Buddhist practices with NVC (Non-Violent Communication) approaches.
Recommended for any reader who is committed to improving their relationships through effective, heartfelt, mutually-satisfying dialogue.
Thank you Oren for a wonderful book!

A wealth of useful knowledge

I listen to books to and from work and this is one of the best. Calming voice, clear information and a lot of useful techniques.

Useful information, but a little long winded

I felt it was a little slow and long winded. In a way that gave me a chance to practice mindfulness, slowing down and patience whilst reading the book. Incredibly useful content though (once you get to it)

Excellent, clear guidance and well narrated

Excellent book. Clear, compassionate and practical guidance with specific how-to approaches to difficult conversations and overall guidance covering mindful communication and non-violent communication. Does not disappoint.

needs a lot of words to make the actual point

Found it boring and the insights provided commom sense. Not for me, while I do like self help books

Amazing !!

Just amazing !! worth it , the combination between contemplative practices and communication process is rare!!