-
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Stealing Loose Change from My Pockets While I Sleep
- Narrated by: Skyler Morgan
- Length: 5 hrs and 56 mins
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
Prime members: New to Audible?Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Stealing Loose Change from My Pockets While I Sleep
Buy for $19.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
Listeners also enjoyed...
-
Me Talk Pretty One Day
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 12,023
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 8,652
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 8,623
David Sedaris' collection of essays - including live recordings! - tells a most unconventional life story. With every clever turn of a phrase, Sedaris brings a view and a voice like no other to every unforgettable encounter. You can also listen to Sedaris in an interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Subtly Funny Musings on Life Experiences
- By FanB14 on 09-03-12
By: David Sedaris
-
There's Nothing in This Book That I Meant to Say
- By: Paula Poundstone
- Narrated by: Paula Poundstone
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 575
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 360
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 355
What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
-
Rhett & Link's Book of Mythicality
- A Field Guide to Curiosity, Creativity, and Tomfoolery
- By: Rhett McLaughlin, Link Neal
- Narrated by: Link Neal, Rhett McLaughlin
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,449
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 3,104
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,088
From YouTube superstars and creators of Good Mythical Morning comes the ultimate guide to living a "mythical" life, featuring stories from their lifelong friendship as well as tips for laughing more, learning more, and never taking yourself too seriously.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Great as a companion to actual book.
- By Jollymon on 10-20-17
By: Rhett McLaughlin, and others
-
When You Are Engulfed in Flames
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 9 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 10,623
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 7,404
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 7,367
Once again, David Sedaris brings together a collection of essays so uproariously funny and profoundly moving that his legions of fans will fall for him all over again. He tests the limits of love when Hugh lances a boil from his backside, and pushes the boundaries of laziness when, finding the water shut off in his house in Normandy, he looks to the water in a vase of fresh cut flowers to fill the coffee machine.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Don't Start with this One
- By Elvie on 04-28-16
By: David Sedaris
-
Theft by Finding
- Diaries (1977-2002)
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 13 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 6,783
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 6,082
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 6,032
For nearly four decades, David Sedaris has faithfully kept a diary in which he records his thoughts and observations on the odd and funny events he witnesses. Anyone who has attended a live Sedaris event knows that his diary readings are often among the most joyful parts of the evening. But never before have they been available in print. Now, in Theft by Finding, Sedaris brings us his favorite entries. From deeply poignant to laugh-out-loud funny, these selections reveal with new intimacy a man longtime fans only think they know.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Don't hate me but...
- By Misty on 06-13-17
By: David Sedaris
-
Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 9,394
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 8,410
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 8,357
From the unique perspective of David Sedaris comes a new collection of essays taking his listeners on a bizarre and stimulating world tour. From the perils of French dentistry to the eating habits of the Australian kookaburra, from the squat-style toilets of Beijing to the particular wilderness of a North Carolina Costco, we learn about the absurdity and delight of a curious traveler's experiences.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Devout Fan Disappointed
- By FanB14 on 05-07-13
By: David Sedaris
-
Me Talk Pretty One Day
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 12,023
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 8,652
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 8,623
David Sedaris' collection of essays - including live recordings! - tells a most unconventional life story. With every clever turn of a phrase, Sedaris brings a view and a voice like no other to every unforgettable encounter. You can also listen to Sedaris in an interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Subtly Funny Musings on Life Experiences
- By FanB14 on 09-03-12
By: David Sedaris
-
There's Nothing in This Book That I Meant to Say
- By: Paula Poundstone
- Narrated by: Paula Poundstone
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 575
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 360
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 355
What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
-
Rhett & Link's Book of Mythicality
- A Field Guide to Curiosity, Creativity, and Tomfoolery
- By: Rhett McLaughlin, Link Neal
- Narrated by: Link Neal, Rhett McLaughlin
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,449
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 3,104
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,088
From YouTube superstars and creators of Good Mythical Morning comes the ultimate guide to living a "mythical" life, featuring stories from their lifelong friendship as well as tips for laughing more, learning more, and never taking yourself too seriously.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Great as a companion to actual book.
- By Jollymon on 10-20-17
By: Rhett McLaughlin, and others
-
When You Are Engulfed in Flames
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 9 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 10,623
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 7,404
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 7,367
Once again, David Sedaris brings together a collection of essays so uproariously funny and profoundly moving that his legions of fans will fall for him all over again. He tests the limits of love when Hugh lances a boil from his backside, and pushes the boundaries of laziness when, finding the water shut off in his house in Normandy, he looks to the water in a vase of fresh cut flowers to fill the coffee machine.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Don't Start with this One
- By Elvie on 04-28-16
By: David Sedaris
-
Theft by Finding
- Diaries (1977-2002)
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 13 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 6,783
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 6,082
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 6,032
For nearly four decades, David Sedaris has faithfully kept a diary in which he records his thoughts and observations on the odd and funny events he witnesses. Anyone who has attended a live Sedaris event knows that his diary readings are often among the most joyful parts of the evening. But never before have they been available in print. Now, in Theft by Finding, Sedaris brings us his favorite entries. From deeply poignant to laugh-out-loud funny, these selections reveal with new intimacy a man longtime fans only think they know.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Don't hate me but...
- By Misty on 06-13-17
By: David Sedaris
-
Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls
- By: David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris
- Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 9,394
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 8,410
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 8,357
From the unique perspective of David Sedaris comes a new collection of essays taking his listeners on a bizarre and stimulating world tour. From the perils of French dentistry to the eating habits of the Australian kookaburra, from the squat-style toilets of Beijing to the particular wilderness of a North Carolina Costco, we learn about the absurdity and delight of a curious traveler's experiences.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Devout Fan Disappointed
- By FanB14 on 05-07-13
By: David Sedaris
-
Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,877
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,406
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,356
Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
-
1 out of 5 stars
-
Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
-
You Want Fries with That?
- A White-Collar Burnout Experiences Life at Minimum Wage
- By: Prioleau Alexander
- Narrated by: David Marantz
- Length: 6 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 173
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 158
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 156
Ever fantasized about quitting your job and starting over? Prioleau Alexander did just that. Here is his laugh-out-loud funny, endearing, and humbling exploration of life at minimum wage. Alexander walked away from a lucrative career as an advertising executive, seeking a life like that dude on Kung Fu.”
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
No Thank You, But I’ll Have Some Eye Contact and a Smile....
- By Blithe Spirit on 11-05-20
-
America Again
- Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't
- By: Stephen Colbert
- Narrated by: Stephen Colbert, Tim Meadows, Jordin Ruderman
- Length: 3 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 2,277
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,052
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 2,029
Book store nation, in the history of mankind there has never been a greater country than America. You could say we're the number one nation at being the best at greatness. But as perfect as America is in every single way, America is broken! And we can't exchange it because we're 236 years past the 30-day return window. Look around - we don't make anything anymore, we've mortgaged our future to China, and the Apologist-in-Chief goes on world tours just to bow before foreign leaders.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Not His Best, but Still Funny
- By Troy on 05-07-15
By: Stephen Colbert
-
When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?
- By: George Carlin
- Narrated by: George Carlin
- Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,549
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 742
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 733
Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
I nice pragmatic view of life.
- By Aaron on 10-19-04
By: George Carlin
-
In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...
- . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy
- By: Adam Carolla
- Narrated by: Adam Carolla
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,535
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,879
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,870
It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back.
-
1 out of 5 stars
-
Save your money: racist, ignorant, loud babble
- By elpeposo on 11-24-10
By: Adam Carolla
-
Motherhood and Hollywood
- How to Get a Job Like Mine
- By: Patricia Heaton
- Narrated by: Patricia Heaton
- Length: 4 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 21
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 19
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 19
Everybody knows that Patricia Heaton plays the hilarious, wise, and tempestuous married-with-kids everywoman on Everybody Loves Raymond. What they might not know is that in real life, she is married, has four boys under eight years old, and is just as funny offscreen as on. Motherhood and Hollywood is Patricia Heaton’s humorous and poignant collection of essays on life, love, marriage, child-rearing, show business, having parents, being a parent, spousal rage, surviving fame, success, and the shame of underarm flab. She is warm, witty, and refreshingly irreverent.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Fast Read.
- By TLKKnitting on 02-02-21
By: Patricia Heaton
-
Diary of a Jackwagon
- By: Tim Hawkins
- Narrated by: Tim Hawkins
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 137
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 122
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 121
He's a comedian. He's a YouTube sensation. And now he becomes an author. Best known for his song parodies and riffs on yoga pants and homeschooling, Tim Hawkins now shares his perspective on life in the 21st century in his long-awaited debut book. Tim's topics are as wide-ranging as his stand-up comedy, including marital communications ("Marriage needs a challenge flag, like in pro football"), worship music ("Pick the right key, because I'm not Barry White and I'm not a Bee Gee"), and food ("Eating a Krispy Kreme donut is like eating a baby angel").
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Great stuff!! Clean Christian comedy you will love
- By Amazon Customer on 09-09-19
By: Tim Hawkins
-
President Me
- The America That's in My Head
- By: Adam Carolla
- Narrated by: Adam Carolla
- Length: 6 hrs
- Abridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,321
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,189
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,185
In President Me, Carolla shares his vision for a different, better America free from big issues like big government down to small problems like hotel alarm clock placement. Running on an anti-narcissism platform, President Carolla calls for a return to the values of an earlier time when stew and casserole were on every dinner table and there were no “service dogs” on airplanes. President Me hits right at the heart of what makes our country really annoying, and offers a plan to make all of our lives, but mostly Adam’s, much better.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Quite entertaining, but repetitive...
- By Matthew on 05-17-14
By: Adam Carolla
-
Arbitrary Stupid Goal
- By: Tamara Shopsin
- Narrated by: Tamara Shopsin
- Length: 3 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 46
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 40
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 40
In Arbitrary Stupid Goal, Tamara Shopsin takes the listener on a pointillist time-travel trip to the Greenwich Village of her bohemian 1970s childhood, a funky, tight-knit small town in the big city, long before Sex and the City tours and luxury condos.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Sound effects hard in the ears
- By Kevin Crumpton on 10-20-20
By: Tamara Shopsin
-
Jeneration X
- One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 297
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 265
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 262
In Such a Pretty Fat, Jen Lancaster learned how to come to terms with her body. In My Fair Lazy, she expanded her mind. Now, the New York Times best-selling author gives herself - and her generation - a kick in the X, by facing her greatest challenge to date: acting her age. Jen is finally ready to put away childish things (except her Barbie Styling Head, of course) and embrace the investment-making, mortgage-carrying, life insurance-having adult she's become.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Super Jen Lancaster Fans Be Warned...
- By Amazon Customer on 05-02-12
By: Jen Lancaster
-
Dave Barry's Greatest Hits
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: John Ritter, Dave Barry - introduction
- Length: 2 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 95
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 46
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 45
Tupperware ladies, eighties people, and leisure concept salesmen beware: Dave Barry is on the loose and no one is safe! Tune in for the latest hilarious update on American culture. This collection of anecdotes includes sound-offs on gambling ("Off-Track Betting parlors are the kinds of places where you never see signs that say, 'Thank you for not smoking.' The best you could hope for is, 'Thank you for not spitting pieces of your cigar on my neck'"), the Big Apple ("New York has more commissioners than Des Moines, Iowa, has residents"), and more.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Don't miss this one.
- By Steve on 12-17-03
By: Dave Barry
-
Belle Weather
- Mostly Sunny With a Chance of Hissy Fits
- By: Celia Rivenbark
- Narrated by: Celia Rivenbark
- Length: 4 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 122
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 83
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 82
No matter what side of the Mason-Dixon line you live on, you will find Celia Rivenbark's hilarious observations about Southern living as easy as a tall drink of sweet tea on a hundred-degree day.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
A darn funny listen y'all
- By Teresa on 12-13-08
By: Celia Rivenbark
Publisher's summary
In his previous collection, Not Quite so Stories, David S. Atkinson twisted reality with small absurdities. Roses Are Red, Violets Are Stealing Loose Change from My Pockets While I Sleep leaves sanity completely behind, pondering modern life through surreal humorous flash fiction involving Margaret Thatcher, jam appearing in boxers overnight, Gene Roddenberry, and more.
More from the same
Related to this topic
-
There's Nothing in This Book That I Meant to Say
- By: Paula Poundstone
- Narrated by: Paula Poundstone
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 575
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 360
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 355
What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
-
I Regret Nothing
- A Memoir
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster
- Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 410
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 367
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 363
New York Times best-selling author Jen Lancaster has lived a life based on re-invention and self-improvement. From Bitter Is the New Black to The Tao of Martha, she’s managed to document her (and her generation’s) attempts to shape up, grow up, and have it all - sometimes with disastrous results...Mistakes are one thing; regrets are another. After a girls’ weekend in Savannah makes her realize that she is - yikes! - middle-aged (binge watching is so the new binge drinking), Jen decides to make a bucket list and seize the day.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
The Smug Is Strong With This One
- By T. Filowitz on 05-24-15
By: Jen Lancaster
-
Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 360
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 322
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 319
Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
-
2 out of 5 stars
-
self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
-
Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,038
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 953
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 949
From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
-
Andy Rooney
- 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit
- By: Andy Rooney
- Narrated by: J. Paul Guimont
- Length: 10 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 28
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 26
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 26
Chairs. Neat people. Ugliness. War. Over six decades of intrepid reporting and elegant essays, Andy Rooney has proven a shrewd cultural analyst. Andy Rooney: 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit brings together the best of more than a half-century of work (including long-out-of-print pieces from his early years) in an unforgettable celebration of one of America’s funniest men. Like Mark Twain, Finley Peter Dunne (Mister Dooley) and Will Rogers, Andy Rooney is a classic chronicler of America, a writer for the ages.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
A good style
- By Denise L. Holtz on 11-04-16
By: Andy Rooney
-
What Doesn't Kill You
- By: Virginia DeBerry, Donna Grant
- Narrated by: Virginia DeBerry, Donna Grant
- Length: 10 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 108
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 87
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 86
What Doesn't Kill You is the story of how Thomasina Hodges, a.k.a. Tee, loses her job and finds herself. Tee's evolution after her sudden and unexpected outplacement, is loosely based on the stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, relinquishing, readjusting, and reinvesting. For Tee, losing her job is like a death, but with time, and some bumps, bruises and a new attitude, she comes out on the other side, having reassessed what's important in her life.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Excellent story
- By Doris Greene on 04-11-24
By: Virginia DeBerry, and others
-
There's Nothing in This Book That I Meant to Say
- By: Paula Poundstone
- Narrated by: Paula Poundstone
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 575
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 360
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 355
What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
-
I Regret Nothing
- A Memoir
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster
- Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 410
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 367
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 363
New York Times best-selling author Jen Lancaster has lived a life based on re-invention and self-improvement. From Bitter Is the New Black to The Tao of Martha, she’s managed to document her (and her generation’s) attempts to shape up, grow up, and have it all - sometimes with disastrous results...Mistakes are one thing; regrets are another. After a girls’ weekend in Savannah makes her realize that she is - yikes! - middle-aged (binge watching is so the new binge drinking), Jen decides to make a bucket list and seize the day.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
The Smug Is Strong With This One
- By T. Filowitz on 05-24-15
By: Jen Lancaster
-
Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 360
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 322
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 319
Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
-
2 out of 5 stars
-
self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
-
Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,038
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 953
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 949
From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
-
Andy Rooney
- 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit
- By: Andy Rooney
- Narrated by: J. Paul Guimont
- Length: 10 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 28
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 26
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 26
Chairs. Neat people. Ugliness. War. Over six decades of intrepid reporting and elegant essays, Andy Rooney has proven a shrewd cultural analyst. Andy Rooney: 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit brings together the best of more than a half-century of work (including long-out-of-print pieces from his early years) in an unforgettable celebration of one of America’s funniest men. Like Mark Twain, Finley Peter Dunne (Mister Dooley) and Will Rogers, Andy Rooney is a classic chronicler of America, a writer for the ages.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
A good style
- By Denise L. Holtz on 11-04-16
By: Andy Rooney
-
What Doesn't Kill You
- By: Virginia DeBerry, Donna Grant
- Narrated by: Virginia DeBerry, Donna Grant
- Length: 10 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 108
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 87
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 86
What Doesn't Kill You is the story of how Thomasina Hodges, a.k.a. Tee, loses her job and finds herself. Tee's evolution after her sudden and unexpected outplacement, is loosely based on the stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, relinquishing, readjusting, and reinvesting. For Tee, losing her job is like a death, but with time, and some bumps, bruises and a new attitude, she comes out on the other side, having reassessed what's important in her life.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Excellent story
- By Doris Greene on 04-11-24
By: Virginia DeBerry, and others
-
Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,877
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,406
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,356
Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
-
1 out of 5 stars
-
Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
-
Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Arte Johnson, Dave Barry - introduction
- Length: 3 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 83
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 58
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 58
Yes, it's true: Pulitzer Prize-winning author Dave Barry's columns get out of the paper and sent around more than those of any other columnist in America. Join Dave as he runs for president, plays Claptonesque guitar in the world's most literary band (The Rock-Bottom Remainders), and gets the real scoop on all those UFO sightings. Warning: Dave Barry has a knack for giving his readers a few laughs and lots of expensive merchandise (ordered from the Home Shopping Club). No, we're not making this up!
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Dave Barry Makes Me Happy
- By Sher from Provo on 11-17-11
By: Dave Barry
-
My Planet
- Finding Humor in the Oddest Places
- By: Mary Roach
- Narrated by: Angela Dawe
- Length: 4 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 571
-
Performance3.5 out of 5 stars 525
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 520
Follow New York Times best-selling author Mary Roach - but be careful not to trip - as she weaves through personal anecdotes and everyday musings riddled with her uncanny wit and amazingly analytical eye. These essays, which found a well-deserved home within the pages of Reader's Digest as the column "My Planet," detail the inner workings of hypochondriacs, hoarders, and compulsive cheapskates. (Did we mention neurotic interior designers and professional list makers?) For Roach, humor is hidden in the most unlikely places, which means that nothing is off limits.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Narrator drove me crazy
- By Ann on 04-23-14
By: Mary Roach
-
My Korean Deli
- Risking It All for a Convenience Store
- By: Ben Ryder Howe
- Narrated by: Bronson Pinchot
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 339
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 263
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 267
This sweet and funny tale of a preppy editor buying a Brooklyn deli with his Korean in-laws is about family, culture clash, and the quest for authentic experiences. It starts with a gift. When Ben Ryder Howe’s wife, the daughter of Korean immigrants, decides to repay her parents’ self-sacrifice by buying them a store, Howe, an editor at the rarefied Paris Review, agrees to go along.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Absolutely delightful!
- By Grace O'Malley on 03-19-11
By: Ben Ryder Howe
-
Housebroken
- Admissions of an Untidy Life
- By: Laurie Notaro
- Narrated by: Laurie Notaro
- Length: 6 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 134
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 122
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 122
Number-one New York Times best-selling author Laurie Notaro isn't exactly a domestic goddess - unless that means she fully embraces her genetic hoarding predisposition, sneaks peeks at her husband's daily journal, or has made a list of the people she wants on her Apocalypse Survival team (her husband's not on it). Notaro chronicles her chronic misfortune in the domestic arts, including cooking, cleaning, and putting on Spanx while sweaty (which should technically qualify as an Olympic sport).
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Wonderful
- By Carlie on 07-28-16
By: Laurie Notaro
-
Goodbye, Vitamin
- A Novel
- By: Rachel Khong
- Narrated by: Therese Plummer
- Length: 4 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 299
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 268
-
Story3.5 out of 5 stars 267
Freshly disengaged from her fiancé and feeling that life has not turned out quite the way she planned, 30-year-old Ruth quits her job, leaves town, and arrives at her parents' home to find that situation more complicated than she'd realized. Her father, a prominent history professor, is losing his memory and is only erratically lucid. Ruth's mother, meanwhile, is lucidly erratic.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Hello Sweet Sweet Book
- By Syd Young on 08-06-17
By: Rachel Khong
-
The United States of Absurdity
- Untold Stories from American History
- By: Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds, Patton Oswalt - foreword
- Narrated by: Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 628
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 558
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 555
The creators of the podcast The Dollop present profiles of the weird, outrageous, NSFW, and downright absurd tales from American history that you weren't taught in school. The United States of Absurdity presents short, informative, and hilarious stories of the most outlandish (but true) people, events, and more from United States history.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Fun With Useless Facts
- By Keith on 05-21-17
By: Dave Anthony, and others
-
Digging Up Mother
- A Love Story
- By: Johnny Depp - foreword, Doug Stanhope
- Narrated by: Doug Stanhope and Friends
- Length: 12 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,971
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,646
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,639
Doug Stanhope is one of the most critically acclaimed and stridently unrepentant comedians of his generation. What will surprise some is that he owes so much of his dark and sometimes uncomfortably honest sense of humor to his mother, Bonnie.
-
1 out of 5 stars
-
Not my thing.
- By J. Harral on 01-27-18
By: Johnny Depp - foreword, and others
-
You're Making Me Hate You
- A Cantankerous Look at the Common Misconception That Humans Have Any Common Sense Left
- By: Corey Taylor
- Narrated by: Corey Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,159
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,048
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,044
In the tradition of the late, great George Carlin, Corey Taylor, the lead singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour, sounds off in hilarious fashion about the many vagaries of modern life that piss him off. Whether it's people's rude behavior in restaurants and malls, the many indignities of air travel, eye-searingly terrible fashion choices, dangerously clueless drivers, and - most of all - the sorry state of much modern music, Taylor's humor and insight cover civil society's seeming decline.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
New perspective.
- By jeremy on 09-22-15
By: Corey Taylor
-
This Might Get a Little Heavy
- A Memoir
- By: Ralphie May, Nils Parker
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 270
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 235
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 236
There was a time when Ralphie May was one of the biggest stand-up comedians in the country, both by ticket sales and by tonnage. While some things changed - Ralphie lost half his body weight - others did not: He will be remembered as one of the most successful comics of his time. Completed just months before his untimely passing, in This Might Get a Little Heavy, Ralphie takes listeners on a behind-the-scenes tour of his life and career, one that winds across the country, over obstacles, beyond heartbreak, and through the golden age of stand-up.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
brilliant and tragic
- By Timothy Trujillo on 08-12-18
By: Ralphie May, and others
-
Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic
- And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up with Facts
- By: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Narrated by: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 75
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 67
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 67
In this latest mommy audiobook from the popular blogger, author, and TV personality, Stefanie will share her secrets for achieving a balance in motherhood between being protective and caring and downright bats--t crazy. She'll debunk some of the looniest parenting myths and reinforce others; she'll describe how, through as simple a process as good old trial and error, she's learned to pick and choose what works for her and her family, and tune out the rest.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
You’re A Parent Now...Don't Mess It Up
- By Tim on 04-16-15
-
Liar, Liar
- The Theory, Practice and Destructive Properties of Deception
- By: Gary Paulsen
- Narrated by: Joshua Swanson
- Length: 2 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 59
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 45
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 46
Kevin has a big talent. Some might call it compulsive lying. He calls it common sense. Kev doesn’t mean to cause trouble by lying all the time; he’s just trying to make everything easier for everyone (and himself). And, of course, a few harmless, um, falsehoods are crucial to his plan to convince Tina that he’s the perfect boyfriend for her. In Gary Paulsen’s irresistible and chaotic comedy, Kevin’s lies spiral out of control until he’s faced with the need to do the unthinkable: tell the truth.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Mindless entertainment
- By Melody on 01-21-15
By: Gary Paulsen
What listeners say about Roses Are Red, Violets Are Stealing Loose Change from My Pockets While I Sleep
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Mia
- 03-04-19
Reminds me of Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas
This roller coaster writing style ended up being quite addicting. I found each story oddly fascinating. It didn't take long to get hooked! I hope David S. Atkinson writes more of these!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Frank
- 03-04-19
Nonstop auditory chaos and I loved every moment!
The book is oddly connected with its weird quirky stories. I didn't really know what I was getting into but the writing style reminds me of Hunter S. Thompson which was refreshing! I will come back and listen to this again.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall3 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story2 out of 5 stars
- Unfolding Imagery
- 02-25-19
I couldn't get into it. I tried.
the narrator is great. I just couldn't get into it. it's supposed to funny. it's not relevant to me so I couldn't find it entertaining.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!