Healing Your Attachment Wounds

How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships

By: Diane Poole Heller

Narrated by: Diane Poole Heller

Length: 6 hrs and 6 mins

Publisher's Summary

Why do we experience recurring struggles in our relationships? And why do traumatic events - such as a physical injury, emotional threat, loss of a loved one, or other life crisis - so often awaken or amplify our sense of fear, anger, isolation, or helplessness?

From our earliest years, teaches Diane Poole Heller, we develop an attachment style that follows us through life, replaying in our intimate relationships, with our children, and at work. And traumatic events can deeply affect that core relational blueprint.

With Healing Your Attachment Wounds, a pioneer in attachment theory and trauma resolution brings together these two fields to help us understand and benefit from their complementary principles and methods.

This in-depth audio learning program sheds light on the three styles of insecure attachment - Avoidant, Ambivalent, and Disorganized - and the ideal fourth style of Secure attachment, where we enjoy a foundation of safety, adaptability, and intimacy with others.

The good news is that we can change, regardless of our early or current life experiences.

"As we heal and move toward Secure attachment," teaches Heller, "we become aware of triggers and patterns in our relationships. Our nervous system learns to be more regulated. Things don't throw us off so easily. And we open our capacity to love and experience greater compassion."

Through key principles, examples, and practical exercises, this program invites you to begin your own healing journey toward healthy vulnerability, wholeness, and connection with others.

Download the accompanying reference guide.

©2017 Diane Poole Heller (P)2017 Sounds True

Superb!

This is an excellent overview of trauma, healing and flourishing as a human from the attachment perspective. I've listened to a lot of other works about attachment, Stan Tatkin, Dan Siegel, Kinnison, Levine and Heller, Sue Johnson, etc, and this is one of my favorites. Just finished listening to it and looking forward to listening a second time. I found Diane Poole Heller's voice very pleasant. Highly recommended!

u mean i’m not doomed to self inflicted suffocating loneliness?

as a single person with insecure attachment, many books about attachment were really discouraging because they either weren’t relevant to me because i’ve been single so long or worse they were full of warnings to avoid a relationship someone like me. i’m really relieved to have found a book that gave me actionable advice to move closer to a secure place and gave me hope that i’m not doomed to be the villain in all my attempts for closeness.

Great book

I would recommend you first read “Attached” by Levine and Heller. Then read this book, it’s better to have a basis or orientation of your attachment style first. Then this book gives great exercises to help you move to a more secure attachment style.

Kindling hope

Where does Healing Your Attachment Wounds rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

Near the top, I always prefer books read by the author. Nuance, inflection, prosody and intonation combine to make the experience as close to sitting in the same room as is possible within this medium. Diane's reading of her own work is a shining example. Her authenticity is palpable. In the words of Stephen Porges, she conveys a sense of safety that allows deep penetration of the message. What more could you want in an audio book?

What was one of the most memorable moments of Healing Your Attachment Wounds?

Not a moment, but a message: that healing insecure attachment patterns is possible, and proven. After reading "Attached", and learning a solid foundation on adult attachment styles, the take away was less than hopeful for those with insecure patterns (still highly recommend that book!).
From this and other books I have come to realize there is nothing to fix, only wounds to heal. Fixing is a manmade construct for broken things, not living beings. We are born whole and imbued with the power to heal, our attachment system is no different and if given the right environment will do so naturally, as does a bodily wound. This concept makes sense to me. Diane lays out step by step how to create such an environment, shares her own and others experiences with deep and genuine compassion, her soothing voice and presence made it feel one on one, and left me feeling hopeful, for myself and others who might feel somewhat doomed upon first learning about adult attachment.

Which scene was your favorite?

"we were born ready to form secure attachments, the system is still there intact, we are just excavating it..."
This is a fresh concept I have not come across in any of the 3 other books I've read on the subject, I really appreciate the metaphor.

Any additional comments?

Learning about adult attachment theory has opened a window into my past and offered liberating insight into behavior that has eluded me for decades, no therapist has mentioned it to me before, sadly. This book adds revelation to insight by offering a strategy for healing. Hope is a powerful motivator! If you know what I'm talking about, you'll get a lot from this book. Highly recommended!

Good stuff, but really needs a table of contents.

These lectures (and they are delivered as lectures not as a regular audiobook) contain a lot of fantastic and useful information. But in order to use it more effectively, each chapter/lecture should have a title, indicating what the chapter is going to be about. Otherwise, it’s really hard to find what you’re looking for when you want to go back and review what she says about any given attachment style. I got completely lost trying to find anything. I think that’s a flaw both in the recording itself and in the audible format. Perhaps Sounds True could post a PDF of chapter headings — but I wasn’t able to find anything online.

Gold

Gold. This provided me with valuable insight into my own attachment style and the simple steps I can take to move towards secure. I also felt a lot more compassion for people I previously judged as horrible. And a positive way forward. I'll definitely be listening again.
This affects every aspect of life. I want to share this with everyone, and have already shared it with some friends. One thing that could have improved the listening experience is a suggestion that we pause as often as we need to, as Diane talks quite fast.

check yourself before you wreck yourself

I've heard it said that the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. Not just intimate relationships but any and all of them - in which the common denominator is you. If you have tried and failed repeatedly in your interpersonal history then you should examine your attachment functioning and manifest behavior in fine detail. Every interaction you ever have in life adds up, like raindrops - will the outcome be a powerful deep river that gauges into the bedrock or a scattered squall that dissipates across the barren plains?
Diane's work here will show you not who you are, but how you are - the hidden, reactive, maladaptive parts of your psychology that drive your behavior and lead to relationship difficulties. And some clues on how to correct these.

nothing new, just basic

the reader sounded a bit "know it all" and I was expecting more. might be useful for some people. nothing wrong with the info just avarege storytelling and for me nothing new.

Exceptional!

Diane is a master in her field. I loved the clarity that she brings to the subject, and the myriad of examples that she offers. Her delivery is ecceptional. It was as if I was having a conversation with her, not listening to a lecture. I strongly recommend this audio.

If you are reading this, just get it!!!

The most amazing and useful summary of attachment styles I have ever come across!! I have listened to this book twice in one week because I wanted to soak it alllllll in! I have extremely dismissive parents and have dismissive tendencies myself. My partner is 100% ambivalent and we have fought through our triggers as best as we know how for almost 15 years. We have a 2 year old now, and it is so evident that our attachment styles are no longer serving us, so much so that we were on the brink of divorce after the holidays. This book (along with therapy) saved our relationship and my daughter’s future. I can’t thank the author enough!

practical approach to attachment styles

What made the experience of listening to Healing Your Attachment Wounds the most enjoyable?

Diane Poole-Heller's expertise and enthusiasm for the subject makes it a pleasant and engaging listening experience. Absolutely loved it.
Cleverly presented, instead of a comprehensive theory of each attachment styles Diane Poole-Heller draws on her experience and with a few questions she helps the listener to get a sense of each style. From there she introduces each style more with drawing a picture and examples, of how this looks like. There are exercises to help ourselves to overcome some of the challenges of certain attachment adaptations.... what is helpful to move towards secure attachment and yes, how this relates to adult relationships. Points to be aware of, how we can help each other,
I really liked that she has included a chapter on disorganised attachment. Such an important topic if we are to understand people who have had challenging child hood experiences... an understanding many therapists, doctors... and society at large would benefit from

knowledge is everything

I wish I had read this book before, but the problems I encountered with my last partner brought me here. I did not only gain a deeper understanding of his behaviour but also discover a lot from mine. everyone should read this book, everyone.

nice book about attachment styles

nice book about attachment styles but the title indicates how to heal.and there arent many examples or practical methods given it's more information about how wounds happen. it was interesting but not quite what I was looking for x

Practical strategies to move forward

As a disorganised attachment style I found this book very helpful, rather than focusing on just finding someone with a secure attachment, it provided practical strategies of how to enhance secure within yourself and through relationships.

The missing piece

Everyone should know this. Incredibly invaluable for those wanting high quality relationships. I've learnt so much about relationships over the years, but a recent breakup, which I found very traumatising, lead me to seek this out. I'm so much better informed now and very hopeful and reassured.

Excellent book

Really helpful and informative book! Such an added bonus to have the author narrate, the narration flowed so well and was a dream to listen to, best narration I have heard so far!

Powerful

For me, a person who had heard about but not read about attachment theory, this was really eye opening. It dips into 4 main attachment styles, what you might feel in each, consequences of them but also how to speak to or live with someone of that type. It looks at how to look for someone with a comparable attachment style to you if you are single. Really interesting and lots of things that I will use in my life.

Life-changing

Game-changer. So worth it. Really recommend. Great insight, and plenty of practical exercises and tips that have had a really good effect on my life. Thanks Diane Poole Heller!

Awesome

Great information on attachment wounds, how they form, how to recognise them in yourself and others, and most importantly, what to do to heal and move towards a healthy attachment style.

Great insights!

Great insights in and explanations of, among others, avoidant attachment patterns and outlining of options about how to address them.