Showing results by author "Stuart Wellington"

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    • 229: Assassin's Creed

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 28 mins
    • Original Recording
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    [Contains explicit content] We discuss the movie made up entirely of video game cut scenes, Assassin’s Creed. Meanwhile Elliott does the classic “apple bit,” we hear another one of Stu’s goofs and bloops, and Dan’s sick voice is all gravely and such.

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    • 226: Max Steel

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 22 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] We discuss a movie from last year that flopped so badly that Elliott refuses to believe it exists: Max Steel. Meanwhile Dan sings a Carmen Sandiego duet, Stuart gives his fish-based SNL audition, and Elliott texts a lot.

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    • 211: Godzilla (1998)

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 31 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] At the request of charity contest winner Erik North, we discuss the classic (?) 1998 version of Godzilla. Meanwhile Dan tries to explain Dangerous Liaisons, Elliott surprises no one by reading a Godzilla-centered magazine, and Stuart gives you some advice about how to get milk.

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    • 223: The Last Witch Hunter

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 29 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] We discuss The Last Witch Hunter. All other witch hunters presumably having been herded into the sea by the Red Bull. Meanwhile, Elliott explains man-witches, Dan looks to an extreme James Bond to save a wounded nation, and Stuart is obsessed with billiards.

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    • 227: 1941

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington, and others
    • Length: 1 hr and 31 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] We are joined by John Hodgman for a bonus episode, focused on Steven Spielberg's legendary flop 1941.

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    • 221: Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 52 mins
    • Original Recording
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    [Contains explicit content] This is a big one folks. Batman v. Superman v. The Flop House. Meanwhile Stuart makes it very clear this is not your daddy’s anything, Dan does a dead-on Katherine Hepburn, and Elliott reveals how Nicholas Cage rents softcore pornography.

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    • 217: Independence Day: Resurgence

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 42 mins
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    Back to our non-Shocktober fare as we mourn Election Day with our Independence Day: Resurgence discussion. Meanwhile, Elliott gives the JD Power porn star awards, Stuart’s weenus is protected, and Dan cannot leave President Sex Criminal alone.

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    • 215: The Lazarus Effect

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington, and others
    • Length: 1 hr and 37 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] Shocktober continues! On this episode, we discuss the Flatliners-esque Lazarus Effect.

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    • 228: Collateral Beauty

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington, and others
    • Length: 1 hr and 22 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] We discuss Will Smith’s spiritual sequel to Seven Pounds, Collateral Beauty. Meanwhile, Stu unveils his hot new nickname, Elliott tries to get Keira Knightly’s attention, and the less said about Dan in this episode, the better.

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    • 210: Fantastic Four LIVE

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 52 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] Live from The Bell House in Gowanus, Brooklyn, we discuss Josh Trank's Fantastic Four.

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    • 224: Zoolander 2

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 32 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] We think this one broke Elliott, guys. We watched the only film Leonard Maltin walked out on: Zoolander 2. Meanwhile Dan totally nails a Mario impression, Stuart decides which Roger Rabbit weasel he is, and Elliott admits his fedora-wearing past.

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    • 218: Nine Lives

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 49 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] Kevin Spacey as a cat sounds just purrrrfect (TM) for the Flop House, so we watched Nine Lives. Meanwhile, Stuart tells of his adventures with Kirsten Dunst, Dan suggests a terrible new method of shooting porn, and Elliott tells an offensive phone book joke.

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    • 212: No Deposit

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 25 mins
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    Smalltember/vember begins with a movie none of us had heard of until a couple of Canadian listeners pressed a blu-ray into our hot little hands.

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    • 220: The Trust

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 43 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] Cagemas comes but once a year. Will Saint Nicholas Cage bring us something glorious or another lump of coal for our cinematic stockings? We discuss The Trust. Meanwhile, Stuart reveals his testicle-based library habits, Elliott explores Paul Verhoven's love for California Dreams, and Dan solos on the hot sax.

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    • 222: Home Sweet Hell

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 36 mins
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    We have a homecoming to Katherine Heigl (a heiglcoming? no.) with a movie that truly no one remembered existed but Dan, Home Sweet Hell. Meanwhile Stuart gives us his SNL audition, Dan explains the secret origin of Georgian cuisine, and Elliott plays the game show that’s sweeping the nation.

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    • 216: The Gallows

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 41 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] On this final SHOCKTOBER episode we discuss the noose-is-loose would-be chiller The Gallows. Meanwhile, Elliott somehow weasels his way out of doing a Muppet voice, Stuart reveals Dick Tracy’s bias against the disabled, and Dan somehow doesn’t let the movie’s plotting make his head explode.

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    • 214: Victor Frankenstein

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 37 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] BOOOGENS! Shocktober begins with Victor Frankenstein, the movie that posits that maybe we don’t actually wanna see the monster that much. Meanwhile, Elliott disrespects the death of several major pop artists, Stu brings up Jackie Chan again, and Dan says some weird things about ears and hot dogs.

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    • 213: Christian Mingle

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 35 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] Smalltember/vember continues! On this episode we discuss the feature length ad for a dating website and for God, Christian Mingle. And Stuart explains how to find cartoon porn, Dan checks his website privilege, and Elliott “Weekend at Bernies” someone very close to him.

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    • 225: Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 48 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] Why is this movie not in Smalltember? Well, Stu said he wanted to watch Max Magician for his birthday, and we all said “screw it.” Meanwhile Dan doesn’t know which corpse to punch, Elliott suggests an alternate course for Teen Wolf, and Stu has no pants.

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    • 219: Saving Christmas

    • By: Elliott Kalan, Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington
    • Length: 1 hr and 26 mins
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    [Contains explicit content] It’s hard to overstate just how barely the Kirk Cameron “materialism-is-good” explainer Saving Christmas qualifies as a movie. Meanwhile, Stuart talks about his gogurt buying habits, Elliott dramatizes Frank Sinatra’s sexual habits, and Dan is genuinely disturbed by this movie’s theology.

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