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Shame
- Free Yourself, Find Joy, and Build True Self-Esteem
- Narrated by: David deVries
- Length: 9 hrs and 34 mins
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Publisher's summary
An intimate look at the full spectrum of shame - often masked by addiction, promiscuity, perfectionism, self-loathing, or narcissism - that offers a new, positive route forward
Encounters with embarrassment, guilt, self-consciousness, remorse, etc. are an unavoidable part of everyday life, and they sometimes have lessons to teach us - about our goals and values, about the person we expect ourselves to be. In contrast to the prevailing cultural view of shame as a uniformly toxic influence, Shame is a book that approaches the subject of shame as an entire family of emotions which share a “painful awareness of self.”
Challenging widely-accepted views within the self-esteem movement, Shame argues that self-esteem does NOT thrive in the soil of non-stop praise and encouragement, but rather depends upon setting and meeting goals, living up to the expectations we hold for ourselves, and finally sharing our joy in achievement with the people who matter most to us. Along the way, listening to and learning from our encounters with shame will go further than affirmations and positive self-talk in helping us to build authentic self-esteem.
Richly illustrated with clinical stories from the author’s 35 years in private practice, Shame also describes the myriad ways that unacknowledged shame often hides behind a broad spectrum of mental disorders including social anxiety, narcissism, addiction, and masochism.
What listeners say about Shame
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- Killer
- 12-30-18
Basically a long overview until chapter 10
The book is incredibly (although intentionally) repetitive and doesn’t get into the meat of shame (relatable client stories) until about chapter 10. Once there, it is helpful hearing the stories.
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- Luke spends on Amazon!
- 11-09-18
A great take on shame
This book is very good for anyone who wants a very informed and educated perspective. Burgo knows his stuff and this book gives great insight to some of his experiences that are intriguing to listen to. I flew through the audio version and am ordering the hard copy as well.
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- Jaime
- 07-17-19
Excellent Read
Very insightful book - gives great real world examples of how shame can affect our real world day to day lives.
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- Eugene
- 01-24-23
Insightful look at shame with balanced, well-considered advice
I’m really glad I listened to this. It’s a very insightful look at the many, sometimes subtle ways shame impacts life. It’s approach is very nuanced, encouraging us to understand shame (and related emotions like embarrassment, guilt, etc.) and use it to gain insight about ourselves, while avoiding toxic shame. The book also contains helpful exercises. There are no quick fixes here, but lots of suggestions for slowly developing a healthier relationship with shame over time. I know I’ll be reflecting on what this book says for a long time.
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- J. A. Unwin-smith
- 04-02-21
NOT VERY HOPEFUL OR HELPFUL FOR TOXIC SHAME
I am saddened to write the following review. The Author makes Frequent references to John Bradshaw's great work in the field of Core Shame, also known as Toxic shame. The first three-quarters of the book detail very well the effects this shame has on Dr. Burgo's patients. It doesn't actually get to the topic in detail of healing until very near the end. This is where I feel that this book may do actual harm to people dealing with lifelong toxic shame. As his conclusions are basically: you are marked and can not really be healed, but you can learn self-esteem and pride through accomplishment and sharing joy with others. This is where this book absolutely infuriates me. The author reference bradshaws work on shame a lot but crucially leaves out Bradshaws findings for the way to heal toxic shame, namely recovery of an authentic self, through inner child work, or grief work, which he used to great effect in the treatment of addicts and others suffering from this core shame. the author's advice is sadly no more in the end than what any self-help greeting card could tell you. To set goals, and build self-esteem. accept your core shame, listen to it, no matter that if this core shame is not addressed truly this will be an exercise in building your house on the sand. as no accomplishment will truly get to the core of this deep feeling of defectiveness inner isolation and pain. I don't think anything he says as practical advice is wrong or unhelpful, however I find myself in complete disagreement with the message that this is the best you can hope for, and that really there is no way of truly healing this inner wound. the only alternative being a idolised super self that doesnt have toxic shame. I would direct anyone seeking to heal to John Bradshaw's book HOMECOMING, ( the paper book, not the audio which features complimentary meditations ) where he details the process for healing these developmental deficits. having worked with this method for a number of years now I can say that it works. and when you truly engage in this journey that true healing and wholeness are possible, step at a time. It's not easy and it is a process of years but a real shift can happen. To tell anyone with the agony of core shame that is essentially they are stuck with it and they should manage expectations for healing is I think just wrong. it's not easy, or a quick fix but it is a shift in how you relate to yourself, and consiquently everything else. I still relapsein to shame based behavour, and still revisit the bottomless pit that is the toxic shame wound, life can still trip me up and I'm still learning but i can personally attest that a true healing for toxic shame is possible. and from that real shame resilience can be established. where you can experience shame as a passing emotion that doesn't send you crumbling to well of agony and shut your life down for weeks at a time or have you reaching for a bottle, a pill, porn, or whatever it is you use to medicate your pain. and to essentially label toxic shame as a lifelong disability, as does the author, is simply to reinforce the toxic shame assertion that you are in fact defective, no normative, broken, worthless, and empty as WHAT you are. That this wound is the truth of you and can't really be healed, is toxic shames evidence for itself, and if you never challenge this the best you can hope for is to be able to constantly build an authetic pride in accomplishment and share joy with others, but that this shame will never leave you or be truely healed. the author is right that of course our experience can never be erased, but he offers little hope of a core healing, that I personally know exists. not in a agrandised self of an idiosed self, but as establishing a whole stable foundation for a authetic healthy self. out of core shame. this is why i would encourage anyone to seek out John Bradshaw's great work and engage with it. only on a secure sense of self rooted in your BEING, your authentic self can you actually build self-esteem as the author suggests, through accomplishment and develop healthy pride. I am someone that lives these wounds and works to heal. and I know real change is possible.That a secure strong healthy sense of self are recoverable, and that real joy can result. my experience is that these wounded parts of your self live inside you and will be painful for as long as they are not embrased and greived and intergrated with something that can become real self love. thats the only real healing i have ever found and to anyone else looking for it i offer encouragement. This book is not useless, but if you dont challange the premise of core shame, as i feel this author does not, then you accept it as something you have to live with and live in spite of, to me thats saying its not something that can really be healed or changed from the deepest core level. and that i think is wrong. accept that you have core shame but dont believe that it is the truth of you or that there isnt a way to a sense of wholeness and secure peace out of core shame. there is.
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- Julie
- 03-20-19
In depth shame!
If you've not read any books about shame then this one is a one stop book.
It lays out in depth what the different forms of shame are, how we get shamed and how repressed shame affects us in our every day life.
The book also has solutions to come out of shame and into feeling proud of our achievements.
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We're all infected with a spiritual disease. Its name is shame. Whether we realize it or not, shame affects every aspect of our personal lives and vocational endeavors. It seeks to destroy our identity in Christ, replacing it with a damaged version of ourselves that results in unhealed pain and brokenness. But God is telling a different story for your life. Psychiatrist Curt Thompson unpacks the soul of shame, revealing its ubiquitous nature and neurobiological roots. He also provides the theological and practical tools necessary to dismantle shame.
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Best book I’ve read in years
- By Webb on 02-24-19
By: Curt Thompson
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Building Self-Esteem
- How Learning from Shame Helps Us to Grow
- By: Joseph Burgo PhD
- Narrated by: Gary Bennett
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Richly illustrated with clinical stories from Burgo's 35 years in private practice, this self-help book also describes the myriad ways that unacknowledged shame often hides behind a broad spectrum of mental disorders including social anxiety, narcissism, addiction, and masochism.
By: Joseph Burgo PhD
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Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame
- A Relational/Neurobiological Approach
- By: Patricia A. DeYoung
- Narrated by: Kate Harper
- Length: 11 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Chronic shame is painful, corrosive, and elusive. It resists self-help and undermines even intensive psychoanalysis. Patricia A. DeYoung’s cutting-edge book gives chronic shame the serious attention it deserves, integrating new brain science with an inclusive tradition of relational psychotherapy. She looks behind the myriad symptoms of shame to its relational essence. As DeYoung describes how chronic shame is wired into the brain and developed in personality, she clarifies complex concepts and makes them available for everyday therapy practice.
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Excellent, instructive book
- By Jackie on 12-08-22
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Healing the Shame That Binds You
- By: John Bradshaw
- Narrated by: John Pruden
- Length: 11 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Healing the Shame That Binds You is the most enduring work of family relationship expert and New York Times best-selling author John Bradshaw. In it, he shows how unhealthy toxic shame, often learned young and maintained into adulthood, is the core component in our compulsions, co-dependencies, addictions and drive to superachieve.
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Wonderful information
- By Mary on 12-18-11
By: John Bradshaw
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Why Do I Do That?
- Psychological Defense Mechanisms and the Hidden Ways They Shape Our Lives
- By: Joseph Burgo PhD
- Narrated by: John Raines
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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This is a self-help book for people who don't usually buy self-help books. Instead of offering cognitive-behavioral techniques for dealing with anger, or affirming strategies to boost self-esteem, this self-help book adapts the basic methods of psychodynamic psychotherapy to a guided course in self-exploration, highlighting the universal role of defense mechanisms in warding off emotional pain.
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Eye-opening information
- By Amazon Customer on 08-30-16
By: Joseph Burgo PhD
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Healing Shame
- How to Work with This Powerful, Mysterious Emotion - and Transform It into an Ally
- By: Bret Lyon PhD SEP, Sheila Rubin MA LMFT RDT/BCT
- Narrated by: Bret Lyon PhD SEP, Sheila Rubin MA LMFT RDT/BCT
- Length: 7 hrs and 52 mins
- Original Recording
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Shame. Just the word makes most people uncomfortable, and though we all feel shame, no one likes to acknowledge it. Why? Because shame is the most painful and destructive emotion we experience. It’s also designed to protect us. In Healing Shame, Sheila Rubin and Dr. Bret Lyon ask the question: What if your shame - that awful, overwhelming emotion - could work for you instead of sabotaging your well-being?
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Very important audiobook to anyone who has trauma!
- By John on 06-17-21
By: Bret Lyon PhD SEP, and others
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The Soul of Shame
- Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves
- By: Curt Thompson
- Narrated by: Jim Seybert
- Length: 8 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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We're all infected with a spiritual disease. Its name is shame. Whether we realize it or not, shame affects every aspect of our personal lives and vocational endeavors. It seeks to destroy our identity in Christ, replacing it with a damaged version of ourselves that results in unhealed pain and brokenness. But God is telling a different story for your life. Psychiatrist Curt Thompson unpacks the soul of shame, revealing its ubiquitous nature and neurobiological roots. He also provides the theological and practical tools necessary to dismantle shame.
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Best book I’ve read in years
- By Webb on 02-24-19
By: Curt Thompson
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Uprooting Shame and Guilt: A Journey to Healing Trauma and Freeing the Inner Child
- By: Naomi Carr
- Narrated by: Jennifer Blom
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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I hear you. I see you. You matter. Every child yearns to hear these words, as does the child within us all. But what if the essence of self is repressed by childhood conditioning before life hardly begins? Being denied the ability to think and feel for oneself prevents the child from evolving into adulthood unscathed, instead weighed down with fear and anxiety. Uprooting Shame and Guilt unravels the author’s journey in extracting herself from childhood trauma and dogma, finding refuge in the power of the mind and freedom from outdated beliefs.
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I didn't cry, you did
- By David on 08-15-23
By: Naomi Carr
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It Wasn't Your Fault
- Freeing Yourself From the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion
- By: Beverly Engel
- Narrated by: Kate Rudd
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Shame is one of the most destructive of human emotions. If you suffered childhood physical or sexual abuse, you may experience such intense feelings of shame that it almost seems to define you as a person. In order to begin healing, it's important for you to know that it wasn't your fault. In this gentle guide, therapist and childhood abuse expert Beverly Engel presents a mindfulness and compassion-based therapeutic approach to help you overcome the debilitating shame that keeps you tied to the past.
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Would probably be better to read the book.
- By k on 08-26-15
By: Beverly Engel
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Shame Interrupted
- How God Lifts the Pain of Worthlessness and Rejection
- By: Edward T. Welch
- Narrated by: Robert Christesen
- Length: 9 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Shame controls far too many of us. But look at Jesus through the lens of shame, and see how the marginalized and worthless are his favorites and become his people. God cares for the shamed. Through Jesus you are covered, adopted, cleansed, and healed. Shame Interrupted is a perfect book if you are feeling left out or marginalized because it will help you understand that all Christians are loved by God. You'll learn that through faith there is nothing to be ashamed about, and you should celebrate your differences.
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TRUTH IN A WORLD OF LIES
- By Heather Fisher on 05-27-21
By: Edward T. Welch
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Conquering Shame and Codependency
- 8 Steps to Freeing the True You
- By: Darlene Lancer
- Narrated by: Carlotta Brentan
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Darlene Lancer sheds new light on shame: how codependents' feelings and beliefs about shame affect their identity, their behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. She then provides eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships.
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Life Changing
- By Michele Leigh Brown on 05-16-21
By: Darlene Lancer
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The Narcissist You Know
- Defending Yourself Against Extreme Narcissists in an All-About-Me Age
- By: Joseph Burgo PhD
- Narrated by: Christopher Lane
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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In today's social media and selfie-obsessed culture, we are living in an age of narcissism - and a society that often celebrates this potentially harmful trait rather than understanding it as a psychological disorder. Scientists are beginning to learn that narcissism exists on a spectrum - much like autism - and most of us exhibit some mild narcissistic tendencies.
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everyone needs to read this book
- By Gabriela Silveria on 02-06-16
By: Joseph Burgo PhD
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Men, Women and Worthiness
- The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being Enough
- By: Brené Brown
- Narrated by: Brené Brown
- Length: 2 hrs and 14 mins
- Original Recording
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What does it take to be secure in our sense of belonging and self-worth? We may hustle to attain this security through achievements, meeting expectations, or repeating affirmations to ourselves - but Dr. Brené Brown's research has shown there is ultimately one obstacle to our sense of worthiness. “Shame is the barrier,” she teaches, “and building shame resilience is how we overcome it.”
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Nothing new here.
- By barefoot rabbit on 01-13-15
By: Brené Brown
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Bradshaw On: The Family
- A New Way of Creating Solid Self-Esteem
- By: John Bradshaw
- Narrated by: Alan Bomar Jones
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Based on the public television series of the same name, Bradshaw On: The Family is John Bradshaw's seminal work on the dynamics of families that has sold more than a million copies since its original publication in 1988. Here, you will discover the cause of emotionally impaired families. You will learn how unhealthy rules of behavior are passed down from parents to children, and the destructive effect this process has on our society.
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Helpful book; WRONG narrator
- By Brian on 09-07-12
By: John Bradshaw
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Healing Your Lost Inner Child
- How to Stop Impulsive Reactions, Set Healthy Boundaries and Embrace an Authentic Life
- By: Robert Jackman
- Narrated by: Randy Scott
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Most people don't realize how much unresolved emotional pain they carry around. They don't know why they always feel depressed, anxious, victimized, or disappointed. They wonder why they keep making the same self-sabotaging impulsive decisions. These patterns often stem from their lost inner child, which carries a false narrative that has been on repeat since childhood.
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Excellent book for healing your inner child
- By Stefan Pagacik on 11-09-21
By: Robert Jackman