Rules of Estrangement

Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict

De: Joshua Coleman PhD

Narrado por: Fred Sanders

A guide for parents whose adult children have cut off contact that reveals the hidden logic of estrangement, explores its cultural causes, and offers practical advice for parents trying to reestablish contact with their adult children.

“Finally, here’s a hopeful, comprehensive, and compassionate guide to navigating one of the most painful experiences for parents and their adult children alike.”—Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

Labeled a silent epidemic by a growing number of therapists and researchers, estrangement is one of the most disorienting and painful experiences of a parent's life. Popular opinion typically tells a one-sided story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled adult children who wrongly blame their parents. However, the reasons for estrangement are far more complex and varied. As a result of rising rates of individualism, an increasing cultural emphasis on happiness, growing economic insecurity, and a historically recent perception that parents are obstacles to personal growth, many parents find themselves forever shut out of the lives of their adult children and grandchildren.

As a trusted psychologist whose own daughter cut off contact for several years and eventually reconciled, Dr. Joshua Coleman is uniquely qualified to guide parents in navigating these fraught interactions. He helps to alleviate the ongoing feelings of shame, hurt, guilt, and sorrow that commonly attend these dynamics. By placing estrangement into a cultural context, Dr. Coleman helps parents better understand the mindset of their adult children and teaches them how to implement the strategies for reconciliation and healing that he has seen work in his forty years of practice. Rules of Estrangement gives parents the language and the emotional tools to engage in meaningful conversation with their child, the framework to cultivate a healthy relationship moving forward, and the ability to move on if reconciliation is no longer possible.

While estrangement is a complex and tender topic, Dr. Coleman's insightful approach is based on empathy and understanding for both the parent and the adult child.

Excellent book for the parent's perspective

The book gives great insight into the phenomenon of parental estrangement, and is an excellent guide for parents whose adult children have estranged them. The author empathizes deeply with such parents.

That being said, the book misses out on showing the adult child's perspective and how parental choices or other incidents can affect them far into adulthood. The book could also have used a chapter on things you can do while your kids are still young to have a better relationship with them in adulthood.

Best book on this topic

This is a thorough and thoughtful book on the painful topic of estrangement. I sometimes agreed and sometimes rejected the info here, but always found the subject thought provoking and insightful. The author does well to describe what I’m feeling as well as giving insight into what my daughter feels and couldn’t exactly vocalize. I end this with more knowledge before, and while maybe not a plan for reconciliation, but a hint of where that would take me if I’m willing to go.

Perspective of both sides

This book is very helpful as an estranged parent . It gave helpful examples of how my daughter may be feeling and eased my pain just a little. We all deserve love, faults and all. And for me the most important thing is that my adult child is happy, even though we are estranged for now, she may need this separated time to find her independence from me in her own way, and that can also be okay.

The Depth of every word on both sides.

Joshua is BRILLIANT in his understanding of so many complex relationships. Best book I have ever listened to! I will buy it & listen, read & make notes. I'm still in complete shock that he literally had healing advice & gave practical solutions on the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. Every person on the planet needs to read this book!

Knowledge author and therapist!

Very good book! This author is special cause he doesn’t have a biased attitude! I learned a lot and will reread. I already feel better with my daughter’s estrangement., and I’m grateful to this knowledge author/therapist.