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The Austere Academy
- A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 5
- Narrated by: Lemony Snicket
- Length: 3 hrs and 15 mins
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The Austere Academy
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Publisher's summary
If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school.
Don't.
For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives. Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S.O.R.E., and the metric system.
It is my solemn duty to stay up all night reading my history of these three hapless youngsters into a microphone, but you may be more comfortable getting a good night's sleep. In that case, you should probably listen to something else.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
Critic reviews
"It's a pleasure to hear an author read his own creation. One gets to hear the story just as the creator would like it heard. Each inflection, babble of baby Sunny, elongated word, or character introduction is Snicket's own, with all the import he would like it to have. This is a listening delight." (AudioFile)
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 91
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Story5 out of 5 stars 91
Hayden has chronicled experiences from her long career as a special education teacher in several books, including One Child and The Tiger's Child. Successes in this difficult and often frustrating field can be few and hard won, a fact which Hayden deftly illustrates while simultaneously offering hope and joy in small victories. This time she brings to life the story of a scruffy seven-year-old, Venus, who is so unresponsive that Hayden searches for signs of deafness, brain damage, or mental retardation.
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5 out of 5 stars
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shows how hard some teachers have to work
- By Sophie on 01-20-17
By: Torey Hayden
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Boy, Snow, Bird
- By: Helen Oyeyemi
- Narrated by: Susan Bennett, Carra Patterson
- Length: 9 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 645
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 574
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 578
In the winter of 1953, Boy Novak arrives by chance in a small town in Massachusetts, looking, she believes, for beauty - the opposite of the life she' s left behind in New York. She marries a local widower and becomes stepmother to his winsome daughter, Snow Whitman. A wicked stepmother is a creature Boy never imagined she' d become, but elements of the familiar tale of aesthetic obsession begin to play themselves out when the birth of Boy' s daughter, Bird, who is dark-skinned, exposes the Whitmans as light-skinned African Americans passing for white.
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5 out of 5 stars
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For Literary Lovers
- By M. Shipe on 04-25-14
By: Helen Oyeyemi
-
Fish in a Tree
- By: Lynda Hunt
- Narrated by: Kathleen McInerney
- Length: 5 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,760
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,262
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 2,266
Ally has been smart enough to fool a lot of smart people. Every time she lands in a new school, she is able to hide her inability to read by creating clever yet disruptive distractions. She is afraid to ask for help; after all, how can you cure dumb? However, her newest teacher Mr. Daniels sees the bright, creative kid underneath the trouble maker. With his help, Ally learns not to be so hard on herself and that dyslexia is nothing to be ashamed of.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Great book but...not just dyslexia
- By Jennifer Hurst on 12-31-15
By: Lynda Hunt
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The Year of Billy Miller
- By: Kevin Henkes
- Narrated by: Dan Bittner
- Length: 2 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 81
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 69
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 69
Things to know about Billy Miller: He's worried about second grade; he thinks bats are cool; his little sister is annoying; he had a spectacular accident this summer; he doesn't like poetry much; his dad makes really good cookies; Ned is his best friend; his mom likes rainy days; he thinks Emma Sparks is a pain; he can run really fast; this is his year.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great Story for 7 yo and 9 yo boy
- By KS_MomOf2 on 01-14-15
By: Kevin Henkes
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The Mouse and the Motorcycle
- By: Beverly Cleary
- Narrated by: B. D. Wong
- Length: 2 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,167
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 857
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 857
Ralph is not like the other mice at the Mountain View Inn. He is always looking for adventure. It is Ralph's lucky day when a young guest named Keith arrives with a shiny miniature motorcycle. Right away, Ralph knows that the motorcycle is special - and made to be ridden by an adventurous mouse. And once a mouse can ride a motorcycle...almost anything can happen!
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5 out of 5 stars
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Sensitive five year old loves it!
- By Demetria on 11-29-11
By: Beverly Cleary
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Abby Carnelia's One and Only Magical Power
- By: David Pogue
- Narrated by: David Pogue
- Length: 5 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 33
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 25
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 27
Abby Carnelia is an average sixth grader. She gets along okay with her parents, does pretty well in school, and has an annoying little brother. There’s absolutely nothing remarkable about her at all — that is, until the day when she happens to tug on her earlobes while standing in front of a hard-boiled egg. That’s the day Abby discovers there’s something very, very special about her after all: she has a magical power, and there are some people who will do anything to find out where it came from.
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5 out of 5 stars
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This was a very great Battle Book. I love it alot.
- By Stefan Mayerschoff on 04-26-15
By: David Pogue
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Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules (Unabridged Selections)
- By: Edited by David Sedaris
- Narrated by: David Sedaris, Mary-Louise Parker, Cherry Jones
- Length: 2 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 359
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 216
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 217
Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules is a collection of short stories, some classic, others impending, selected and introduced by David Sedaris.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Great stories but only 5 of 17 are included
- By Terri Kirk on 07-13-12
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The Egypt Game
- By: Zilpha Keatley Snyder
- Narrated by: Alyssa Bresnahan
- Length: 5 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 359
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 284
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 287
When Melanie Ross first meets April Hall, she's not sure what to think. What other sixth grade girl wears her blonde hair piled in a twist and flaunts false eyelashes? But when the two girls discover the storage shed outside the A-Z Antiques and Curio Shop, they discover they both love anything to do with ancient Egypt. Soon the friends create the Egypt Game.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Better than I remembered
- By Brianna Brown on 02-22-16
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Language Arts
- By: Stephanie Kallos
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 12 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 64
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 57
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Story4 out of 5 stars 56
Charles Marlow is a Seattle English teacher who instructs his students to expand their worlds through language. Lately, however, with one child off to college and the pressure from his ex-wife to make plans for their severely autistic son who's about to age out of the system, he prefers the company of the ghosts he turns up in the storage boxes in his crawl space.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The beauty of the broken
- By SJ Evans on 04-27-18
By: Stephanie Kallos
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Homesick
- My Own Story
- By: Jean Fritz
- Narrated by: Jean Fritz
- Length: 4 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 55
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 46
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Story4 out of 5 stars 45
This heartwarming fictionalized autobiography tells the story of what it is like for a little girl to be growing up in an unfamiliar place. While other girls her age were enjoying childhood in America, Jean Fritz was in China in the midst of political unrest. During this time, foreigners were becoming more and more unpopular, and evacuation at a moment’s notice was imminent. Although Jean appreciated the beauty of China - the mountains, the countryside, the sea - she knew she belonged in America and longed to make her home there.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great book!
- By R. SEVERSON on 10-19-18
By: Jean Fritz
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After the Parade
- By: Lori Ostlund
- Narrated by: Sean Runnette
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 49
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 44
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Story4 out of 5 stars 44
Sensitive, big-hearted, and achingly self-conscious, 40-year-old Aaron Englund long ago escaped the confines of his Midwestern hometown, but he still feels like an outcast. After 20 years under the Pygmalion-like direction of his older partner, Walter, Aaron at last decides it is time to stop letting life happen to him and to take control of his own fate.
By: Lori Ostlund
-
Homecoming
- By: Cynthia Voigt
- Narrated by: Barbara Caruso
- Length: 13 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 351
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 297
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 305
On Saturday morning, 13-year-old Dicey Tillerman sits in the car at the shopping mall with her younger sister and two brothers. Momma had said, "You be good." Then she walked away. They wait for a day and a night, but Momma never comes back. Finally, Dicey decides the children should go to Bridgeport, Connecticut where Aunt Cilla lives. Maybe Momma is waiting for them there. But they don't have enough money to take the bus. Determined to keep the family together, Dicey sets off on foot with her siblings.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The BEST audible book!
- By KP on 04-20-17
By: Cynthia Voigt
-
Orphan Train Girl
- The Young Readers' Edition of Orphan Train
- By: Sarah Thompson, Christina Baker Kline
- Narrated by: Jessica Almasy
- Length: 4 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 156
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 128
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 128
Molly Ayer has been in foster care since she was eight years old. Most of the time, Molly knows it's her attitude that's the problem, but after being shipped from one family to another, she's had her fair share of adults treating her like an inconvenience. So when Molly's forced to help an elderly woman clean out her attic for community service, Molly is wary. Just another adult to treat her like a troublemaker.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Awesome book!
- By DebDeb on 08-06-18
By: Sarah Thompson, and others
-
The Candymakers
- By: Wendy Mass
- Narrated by: Mark Turetsky
- Length: 11 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 639
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 526
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 526
ALA Schneider Family Book Award-winning author Wendy Mass offers this tasty treat of a tale sure to appeal to any listener’s sweet tooth. The Candymakers follows 12-year-olds Logan, Philip, Daisy, and Miles as each tries to invent a candy even better than the Oozing Crunchorama. But with these contestants—who can detect chocolate by touch and lift 50 lbs. of taffy as if it weighed no more than a loaf of bread—it’s going to be a close race.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Candy makers makes new Audible convert.
- By Ladydaytrippin on 12-23-15
By: Wendy Mass
-
Missy Piggle-Wiggle and the Whatever Cure
- By: Ann M. Martin, Annie Parnell
- Narrated by: Eileen Stevens
- Length: 4 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 116
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 88
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 87
Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle has gone away unexpectedly and left her niece, Missy Piggle-Wiggle, in charge of the Upside-Down House and the beloved animals who live there: Lester the pig, Wag the dog, and Penelope the parrot, among others. Families in town soon realize that like her great-aunt, Missy Piggle-Wiggle has inventive cures for all sorts of childhood (mis)behavior: The Whatever Cure and the Just-a-Minute Cure, for instance. What is a stressed out parent to do? Why, call Missy Piggle-Wiggle, of course!
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5 out of 5 stars
-
One of my favorite stories
- By Toddhb on 03-13-20
By: Ann M. Martin, and others
-
The Grimm Legacy
- By: Polly Shulman
- Narrated by: Julia Whelan
- Length: 9 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 190
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 171
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 171
Elizabeth has just started working as a page at the New York Circulating Material Repository - a lending library of objects, contemporary and historical, common and obscure. And secret, too - for in the repository's basement lies the Grimm Collection, a room of magical items straight from the Grimm Brother's fairy tales. But the magic mirrors and seven-league boots and other items are starting to disappear.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Great Story
- By Lady on 12-19-12
By: Polly Shulman
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This true story - as true as Lemony Snicket himself - begins with a puzzling note under his door: You had poison for breakfast. Following a winding trail of clues to solve the mystery of his own demise, Snicket takes us on a thought-provoking tour of his predilections: the proper way to prepare an egg, a perplexing idea called “tzimtzum”, the sublime pleasure of swimming in open water, and much else.
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Why is the world the way it is? How did we get here? Does everything happen for a reason, or are some things left to chance? Philosophers and theologians have pondered these questions for millennia, but startling scientific discoveries over the past half century are revealing that we live in a world driven by chance. A Series of Fortunate Events tells the story of the awesome power of chance and how it is the surprising source of all the beauty and diversity in the living world.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Laszlo is afraid of the dark. The dark lives in the same house as Laszlo. Mostly, though, the dark stays in the basement and doesn't come into Lazslo's room. But one night, it does. This is the story of how Laszlo stops being afraid of the dark.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Neil might be the best male narrator ever
- By Mama Reniazen on 01-16-24
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Truly outstamding!
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Richard Mayhew is a young man with a good heart and an ordinary life, which is changed forever when he stops to help a girl he finds bleeding on a London sidewalk. His small act of kindness propels him into a world he never dreamed existed. There are people who fall through the cracks, and Richard has become one of them. And he must learn to survive in this city of shadows and darkness, monsters and saints, murderers and angels, if he is ever to return to the London that he knew.
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What listeners say about The Austere Academy
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
- Paul
- 05-31-05
My Kids Don't Curry Favor or Favor Curry
Having been a Rocky Horror Picture Show devotee, I couldn't wait to hear Tim Curry read Lemony Snicket. Sadly, he took it far over the top, with Mr. Poe's cough the obvious example. Lemony Snicket's narration, though, is dead on. He captures the slightly depressed, matter of fact tone of the book perfectly. My kids, having heard him reading his own work, vastly prefer him to Tim Curry. It's too bad he doesn't narrate more of his own books.
He makes a wonderful McKinley on Assisination Vacation, too.
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4 people found this helpful
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Clarin
- 07-13-24
👫📖Very good for tweens/teens.📖👫
I honestly loved it. I think the readers voice is very interesting.
I did struggle to finish. But overall it was pretty good.
I would recommend it for younger readers but not too young.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
- aleena
- 12-26-15
the series of unfortunate events
I like this book its just the narrator makes of dole so its not to exciting
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance1 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Nick Wattonville
- 07-24-23
Great Story
Unfortunately the reader is just not good, he should stay written stories and not reading them.
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-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Nickie Kile
- 06-13-24
The greatest Series ever!
Everything about it is great, and there is nothing about it the is not great!
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
-
Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- J. A. Stephenson
- 02-14-23
Awful narration!
Paul is a cute story to follow, the narrators voice actually hurts my ears at times. I will have to finish reading the series as I cannot listen to him! I would rather be in a room full of rocking chairs and long tailed cats hearing them, screech, and pay to hear that man!
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1 person found this helpful
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- TwoBadWolves
- 11-12-15
Bring back Tim Curry!
As much as I like this series, I must say that the more I hear of Lemony Snicket's narration, the less enjoyable the audio experience. I suppose that is to be expected as Tim Curry is such a good actor and has that great British accent to boot.
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1 person found this helpful
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- bigdjunta
- 07-29-18
Daniel is coming in like a freight train
The series continues to be entertaining and the author is hitting his stride with the narration. I actually LOL several times during the book. I find I'm enjoying reading the books in sequential order, straight through. It keeps the myriad of plot points organized and I pick up the subtle nuances quickly. Let's move on to the next, shall we?
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Melinda
- 08-30-18
Very Very Very Very Very Very god book
I enjoyed this book because it has a very interesting story that is very enjoyable to read and this is a good performance of it
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3 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Jennifer Vest
- 04-15-17
love this book
they made wonderful friends and I think this is the book that the series took a big turn. love it!!!
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1 person found this helpful