Like a car alarm, bagpipe music, or a doorbell ringing in the middle of the night, hearing this all-new audio edition of The Bad Beginning will only upset you....

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent children. They are charming, and resourceful, and have pleasant facial features. Unfortunately, they are exceptionally unlucky....

I am sorry to say that the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, are filled with bad luck and misery....

I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to listen to this recording because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience....

If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere....

Like handshakes or housepets, many things are preferable when not slippery....

You are presumably looking here for clues to the shocking conclusion of this terminal audiobook, or the ending of the end....

The word "carnivorous", which appears in the title of this book, means "meat-eating", and once you have read such a bloodthirsty word, there is no reason to read any further....

Like the previous books in A Series of Unfortunate Events, there is nothing to be heard here but misery, despair, and discomfort....

This audio is the only one which describes every last detail of the Baudelaire children's miserable stay at Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one of the most dreadful audios in the world....