"Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

By: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD

Narrated by: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD

Length: 19 hrs and 6 mins

Publisher's Summary

It’s time to take our lives back from a world of narcissism, entitlement, and toxic relationships.

“Don’t you know who I am?” has become the mantra of the famous and infamous, the entitled and the insecure. It’s the tagline of the modern narcissist. 

Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult, or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our minds, bodies, and souls. 

Narcissism, entitlement, and incivility have become the new world order, and we are all in trouble. They are not only normalized but also increasingly incentivized. They are manifestations of pathological insecurity - insecurities that are experienced at both the individual and societal level. The paradox is that we value these patterns. We venerate them through social media, mainstream media, and consumerism, and they are endemic in political, corporate, academic, and media leaders. 

There are few lives untouched by narcissists. These relationships infect those who are in them with self-doubt, despair, confusion, anxiety, depression, and the chronic feeling of being “not enough,” all of which make it so difficult to step away and set boundaries. The illusion of hope and the fantasy of redemption can result in years of second chances, and despondency when change never comes. 

It’s time for a wake-up call. It’s time to stem the tide of narcissism, entitlement, and antagonism, and take our lives back.

©2019 Ramani S. Durvasula, PhD (P)2019 Post Hill Press

should play on continuous loop throughout the USA

I really love this book. I have been listening to her utube videos for a while. I come from a family of narcissists. As stated in the book, they are like ants. When you see one, the swarm has hit your life; and your only form of pest control is to learn what the "pale pink" flags are. I have been through and witnessed so much emotional abuse in the workplace. I also grew up in a society of rampant emotional abuse. When I was young I heard the false mantra of "Honesty is always the best policy" or "The truth hurts". Those are just sayings that allow toxic people to abuse others with impunity. I grew up in the LA area where "car fights" were a dangerous part of my life. I thought it was ok to always "defend" my self. My mom died in a car accident and somehow I thought aggressive driving was ok. I realized how absurd the aggressive driving was when 9-11 happened. All of those people who were on time to their crappy job died. Now I am aware. I will spot the pale pink flags and live the best life that I can.

Life altering.

Dr. Ramani is leaning in with her training and passion providing the tools to help people searching for healthy answers. There is a trail being left by unhealthy individuals that Dr. Ramani has picked up on. Patterns of behavior, word structure, abusive power dynamics, systemic structure that is leaving a wake of broken people. Narcissism. By showing examples and the psychological breakdown of these people she lays out how to preserve self in this book. i was able to relate with examples of my own life experinces shows how on track she is with her study and breakdown of this behavior and the people perpetrating it. I am so grateful for her putting her years of research and hard work into this book and having the skill set to make it clear for everyone to understand. This book will impact your life in many aspects.

Highly recommend

The scope of this book was more than I could have imagined. So many aspects I had not considered. Very well written and easy to follow.

Informative and Thorough

Definitely a must-read for a better understanding of narcissism, how narcissist are created, and how to deal with narcissistic abuse. The material would be hard to digest for anyone unfamiliar with the suffering caused by these difficult relationships. Offers relevant and helpful advice.

Intelligent, insightful, and compassionate

I do not think that I would have ever said that, but Dr. Ramani is my favorite psychologist. This book makes you reflect on your relationships, who you are, your needs and your goals, all the while distilling wisdom into your soul, and reassurance at every word. From someone who has been living my whole life with the types of people that she speaks of in this book, she has reaffirmed a lot of the thoughts that I had about them, reconnecting myself with those lessons, while giving me new things to ponder about and new ways to get through life. She has opened my eyes to what I had felt, but covered my eyes about. Thank you for letting me listen to you and feel that living life is self improvement, deep connections, meaningful relationship, kindness, love, care and insight.

Slowly read but clear

I’m not sure if Dr. Durvasula is speaking very slowly or if it was purposely slowed down by the editors as she reads. I did speed it up half way through the book to 1.25 times the normal reading speed, and she sounds normal. However, I realized, I was able to listen better at the slower but normal speed. The book speaks for itself, it is a must read, for all personality types. Please see Esther 1:16-18; Deuteronomy 5:21; Exodus 20:17 to truly understand one reason why we are seeing the inceL situation, although their method used to display their anger is maladaptive, they have a legitimate reason for their anger. Feminism is one reason for a higher divorce rate. Divorce creates single family homes, children in single family homes, may fall higher on the narcissistic spectrum. Women today have a Queen Vashti spirit, rather than the spirit of Sarah, Abraham's wife. (see 1Peter 3:1-7)

Must read! Most crucial book of our time!

This is the best book I have come across so far on Audible. This is the most helpful book I have read. This book has provided so many answers in relationships. I have gained a new sense of moral and ethical clarity by exercising more empathy in a world that has been rewarding narcissistic behaviors. Dr. Ramani has my eternal gratitude.

Don’t you know who I am?

Wow, so much information! This book was spot on about Narcissism! I also learned more about them and what to do and what not to do. I couldn’t stop listening to the book at first but then I had to take a break from it because I had to let it sink in. It is so exhausting living with a narcissistic personality and it doesn’t end even after the divorce. The information is so true about everything that I felt I was reading about someone I knew. I would tell my family member it was the best thing he ever did was divorce her but now it’s knowing how to protect the children. Everyone should listen to this book!

Wow

This is a comprehensive pep talk for those of us who need to move past a life time identity of “not enoughness” . It covers every damn thing you need to hear and understand to move on.

Life-changing, eye-opening, and healing

The first few chapters were a little less relatable for me, but chapters 4 to the end were the best thing that's happened to me in the last 5 years. I'm so grateful for Dr Ramani Durvasula putting in all the work she has. And something that only Audible can provide is the comfort of her voice. Soothing and more than informative. This book left me feeling hopeful, motivated, and healed.

Quite enlightening

Everyone has to read this book in order to navigate the complex society we live in successfully!

A masterpiece!

The author is a university professor and an expert in narcissism. By the time you've read / listened to this book, you'll have the tools to be an expert too! Also the confusing behaviour shown by this subgroup of society will begin to make sense. Dr Ramnai presents the contents of her book in an engaging and easy to understand manner.

Amazing, actual and inspiring book

Recommend to everyone. Very involving, current, useful and eye-opening book with the perfect narration and great insights.

So informative, so relatable.

I've been waiting for this since she announced it was coming out months ago. it was totally worth the wait. she somehow narrated my entire life and gave me tools to help me make better choices. amazing.

A comprehensive guide of on narcissistic people

I read it after the author’s book - should I stay or should I leave. And the reason I continued - there are always other people besides a partner- and as the author noticed - if there’s one, there are others as well, almost always. Colleagues, friends, parents etc. description of the problems and strategies - the book covers a lot. But to heal there should be used other books , but a therapist help will be needed too. The narrative is very good. But it could be much shorter , as a lot of things were repeated more than once. It’s also mostly can be used as an introduction, rather than one book for everything. Shame, boundaries, negative inner voices or ptsd - a lot of things will follow depending on individual circumstances, as narcissists affect all layers of life! These topics were covered superficially, just as topics to research.

amazing

this helped me realise i was not crazy with my Narcissistic partner. thank you for writing such an amazing book

Who Do You Think I Am

loved it very helpful I would highly recommend it l will read her other books