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Publisher's Summary

Audie Award Nominee, Humor, 2013

"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier."

Fans of the number-one best seller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through this hysterical new audiobook. The story begins when Justin announces that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel f**king universe."

But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters.

Full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom, it's also full of new characters just as funny—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals, to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today.

©2012 Justin Halpern (P)2012 HarperCollinsPublishers

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

Overall

  • 4 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    307
  • 4 Stars
    223
  • 3 Stars
    101
  • 2 Stars
    26
  • 1 Stars
    15

Performance

  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    354
  • 4 Stars
    153
  • 3 Stars
    69
  • 2 Stars
    20
  • 1 Stars
    15

Story

  • 4 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    282
  • 4 Stars
    182
  • 3 Stars
    107
  • 2 Stars
    31
  • 1 Stars
    12
Sort by:
  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars
  • GH
  • Sherborn, MA, United States
  • 08-20-15

The Dad is side-splitting funny

This book is hysterically funny for the first half and just plain funny in the second half. The father's advice is uproarious and the counter point of the mother just can't be topped. I was on a crowded Amtrak train coming back from NYC and I was laughing so hard, I thought the conductor was going to put me off midway. This book is really about the travails of the author finding and figuring out whether he should or should not propose to his girlfriend.

This book is going to appeal far more to men than to woman. It isn't that the book is sexist, it's because it written from a very male point of view. Think sophomoric humor. If you like that type of humor and gutter language, you'll be fine.

For me, I found it funny. If you liked his first book and the TV show, you'll like his second. Thumbs up.

9 of 9 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Leanne
  • QUESTA, NM, United States
  • 04-26-13

Not as good as Sh*t My Dad Says

Would you try another book from Justin Halpern and/or Sean Schemmel?

I'd still give Justin another shot just because I loved Sh*t my dad says so much

Would you listen to another book narrated by Sean Schemmel?

I might not. It was a little monotonous

Do you think I Suck at Girls needs a follow-up book? Why or why not?

No. It tied itself up nicely.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Great story!

Where does I Suck at Girls rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

One of the funniest books I've purchased.

How could the performance have been better?

The voices for the alternate characters were hard to take. Some sounded very cliched and others sounded too much like very bad south park impressions. The voice for the main character was perfect and the father was okay, but everyone else was hard to take.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Good story, cheesy dad voice...

The story was good, hard to follow the first book but still funny. I was disappointed in the cheesy dad voice was too much...

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Ugh

The voices were so annoying. I felt like I was watching South Park...not in a good way.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Jay
  • bridgeport, WV, United States
  • 05-23-12

Funny but nowhere like the the first book.

Any additional comments?

Wanted more of his dad in the book. If was funny, but not want I was expecting.

5 of 8 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Amazing

Found myself laughing out loud listening to this book. A story that attracts the attention. Loved it

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars

Couldn't get into this book

I tried, but just couldn't get into this book. No zip, no hook, trying to be funny, but not. Narration ok, but kid's voice and father's voice awful.

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars

the first few chapters were funny

The actual title of this book is "I Suck at Girls Because All I Want Is Sex.

It started out as a book based off the tweets he made of what his father said. Those were funny. His father is funny. His father gets 2 stars.Then it devolved into a juvenile's hunt for losing his virginity. No longer funny. This is what's wrong with men these days. Women are objects and it's all about their bodies and what those bodies can do for the men.

The narration is good but you can tell how he felt about the girls by the voices he gave them.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Extremely funny and a great listen

A great funny story and also a great performance reading the book. The voices the reader used added greatly to the book. The portrayal of the authors fathers voice had me rolling with laughter.